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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be pissed of by this comment?

74 replies

Shortbreadtea · 02/10/2018 09:09

I found out that me and ex’s new girlfriend of 6 months have a mutual friend. My friend didn’t know she was dating him, until she told her who he was. Anyway the new girlfriend has said to my friend “ Shortbreadtea must be really stupid for letting him go”, or “ I can’t understand how she can just give up so easily on her marriage” this really pissed me off, because she doesn’t know how it was like living with him.

I was with him for 8 years, he came from a home where the mother did everything for him. He didn’t lift a finger when we were living together, never helped me with the children even when I was ill, he would just let me struggle. He would put me down, call me every name under the sun in arguments in front of the DCs, he was controlling and everything had to be on his terms, he had to choose everything. He would never let anyone else chose something for once, he couldn’t hold down a job and spent his days lying in bed playing PS4 all night, and sleep all day. And then there’s his mum, he would let her disrespect me and never stood up for me. He was always angry and aggressive, felt like I was walking on eggshells in my own home.

I would beg him to change, and would argue til I was blue in the face, he did change for a week or two then went back to his old ways. I was tired of it, and lost all respect and love for him, couldn’t go on anymore.

I feel like she’s only seeing his flashy car, fancy nights out, restaurants etc. And him playing happy families with the DCs when they’re with him. She obviously thinks she’s the cat who got the cream and he feels the same.

OP posts:
Feefeetrixabelle · 02/10/2018 09:12

If be more pissed with your friend for shit stirring. She didn’t need to tell you that. The new girl is in the honeymoon period. If he hasn’t changed she’ll learn. But your friend told you knowing it would hurt you.

PollyParrot10 · 02/10/2018 09:12

Why would your "friend" tell you she said this?

IMissGin · 02/10/2018 09:13

Just give a knowing tinkly laugh. Hide your time, he’s on best behaviour just now but that won’t last forever then she’ll realise.

Stormwhale · 02/10/2018 09:13

He won't be able to keep up this perfect act for long op. You were with him long enough to see what he really is. This image he is portraying of himself is false, and the truth will come out. He will get comfortable and it will start to slip.

It was a foolish comment from someone who hasn't had the chance to see what she is really getting into yet. You made the right choice in ending the marriage and I think she will see that in time.

Bluntness100 · 02/10/2018 09:16

Why would your friend tell you that? And of course she feels like that and he feels th same about her, that's normal in a relationship, especially at the early stages, she's hardly going to be saying, god I see why she was outta there he's a complete shit.

KathDayKnight50 · 02/10/2018 09:18

Yeah, your friend shouldn't be passing those shitty comments on to you. Surely your friend must know a bit about the crap you put up with from your ex?

Anyway, new girlfriend is still in the honeymoon period. She is enjoying thinking she's special and it's going to be different with her. How naive!

She'll learn Grin

QueenNovo · 02/10/2018 09:19

Just feel glad that you're rid of the useless man-child loser and she's the one with him now. I suspect his true colours will come out soon enough.

Singlenotsingle · 02/10/2018 09:19

You're in the best place. You're well rid! She'll find out. I expect your friend said that in a "knowing" way because she knows what he's like!

AnnieAnoniMouse · 02/10/2018 09:22

I would expect my friend to tell me that, followed by what she had replied...along the lines of ‘Oh HIM. You’ve got a lot to learn, enjoy the good bits while you can. Or run if you’ve any sense!’

Yourenotericlove · 02/10/2018 09:26

I'd be wondering what your friend is saying about you.

ThePinkOcelot · 02/10/2018 09:27

Well she’ll find out for herself exactly why you let him go! Last laugh OP, last laugh xx

Mumminmum · 02/10/2018 09:30

At least as long as he got her he wont be begging you for an other chance. You got rid of him.

Anniegetyourgun · 02/10/2018 09:34

Don't take it to heart. If the guy were that transparently awful you wouldn't have married him in the first place. He can do nice for as long as it takes to get a woman hooked. No doubt the mutual friend will be reporting back to you soon enough when the girlfriend starts to notice Mr Wonderful has flaws. Hopefully you're both too nice to laugh...

SharpLily · 02/10/2018 09:40

I'd be interested to hear what the friend replied to the gushing new girlfriend in this conversation.

Hissy · 02/10/2018 09:41

Well the new GF has a whole new perception coming her way sometime soon eh?

I know how it's galling to hear, but you really do know better and you are best off out of it.

VERY few give up on a marriage without a great deal of thought. please don't berate yourself for making the right decision for you and your DC.

Juells · 02/10/2018 09:45

Dump the shitty friend who gave you TMI

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 02/10/2018 09:48

Your friend is a stirrer. If new gf knew what you know, she wouldn’t be with him.

gnushoes · 02/10/2018 09:49

Your friend sounds a bit thick or a stirrer. You know the truth. New woman is surely welcome to him, even if he's being OK atm.
BTW, it's pissed off

Gersemi · 02/10/2018 09:49

Ignore it. She'll find out soon enough.

AuroraN · 02/10/2018 09:50

OP, if I were you, I’d laugh like a drain Grin, wipe some tears and laugh some more.

AuntBeastie · 02/10/2018 09:52

Shitty of your friend to tell you that - what is she hoping to achieve?

The new girlfriend is in the honeymoon period. Either she and your ex will prove to be a better fit and settle down, or she’ll realise he’s a twat and move on. Either way you’re still free of a horrible relationship which is all good!

WorraLiberty · 02/10/2018 09:56

I wouldn't give it another thought to be honest.

6 months into a relationship, she'll be loved up and only seeing the best of him.

I agree with PP's about your friend being a shit stirrer though. She's the problem here, not what your ex's new GF thinks.

keepingbees · 02/10/2018 09:59

Don't let it bother you. Tell your friend you don't want to hear about her. Then sit back happy in the knowledge that she too will someday know what he's really like.

auntyflonono · 02/10/2018 10:05

Smile and nod, smile and nod...

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 02/10/2018 10:05

Ah, she'll find out soon enough. She's still in the "honeymoon phase" and hasn't realised what a manbaby he is.
Hope she enjoys wiping his arse for him when she works it out!

Your friend may have told you in a sort of "wait til she finds out what he's really like!" sort of way, but she shouldn't really have told you anything, unless she honestly thought that you'd laugh at it.

I don't think she's necessarily a shit-stirrer - unless she made a lot of you being stupid! Which, clearly, you are not.

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