To think my MIL was fucking odd!!

[hungryhippo90]

I’ve included MIL in going to see the school DD hopes to attend this evening. Had one hell of a time recently, been quite unwell with anxiety etc, was recently diagnosed with OCD, I’ve explained to MiL I’m really struggling at the moment and I find being around people uncomfortable, and I’m trig. Or to let people realise how bad my MH is and has been. Hoping that given a little time I will find my normal sort of anxious but less so self again.

I’ve avoided one of DDs friends sets of parents recently cos I’m unwell. I’m just struggling and it becomes more obvious the more time I spend with people.

But tonight we see them and I try to act normally. I say oh give me the baby for a hug (the kind of person I am is if there’s a dog or a baby, I’m either on the floor stroking it, or I have the baby in my arms.... always have been)

MIL looks at me, looks at DDs friends little brother and goes “put the baby down”
I kind of laugh, haha... so she looks at me, teeth gritted and says to me, put him down, you’re here for your fucking daughter not him” I look and I’m thinking what?! “Put him down you’re here for your fucking daughter” she says again but more sternly.
I say DD, the babies sister and another friend seemingly planned to meet, so there’s no problem with being with the friends parents.

I’m just going through this in my mind now because it kind of put a dampener on the night and I’m wondering what it was that I did to cause offence. I was holding the baby whilst trying to give DD a bit of space. I was going to carry the Baby around for a few minutes.. it’s not like I’m a stranger to this family. We’re fairly close.

Your MIL was appallingly rude to both you and your friends.

Don't second guess your parenting based off her, your friends probably think she's batshit she is.

MIL has often pulled me up on being too involved

I think she’s the one, who’s over involved in your family life tbh. Has she not got the memo yet that you’re an adult? She really needs that memo. Now!

As for wanting to know what happened. I would get your dh to speak to her. Would he do that and tell her speaking to you like this is totally unacceptable?

Maybe I should have been more involved. Shit I was wrong on many levels.

Dh and I are visiting schools atm for dd so are in the same boat. They have all said any questions, just call. You really are hard on yourself. You’ve done nothing wrong so no, not on any level. If you don’t think you got an overall impression of the school, you can also book a tour.

Your mil sounds pretty unpleasant actually. Having her around questioning yourself is doing nothing for your mental health. Big breaths. Take a step back.

If she’s great with your dd and doesn’t undermine you as a parent, good, let your dd continue to see her as regularly as she wants. But I suspect this isn’t the case. Your dd is getting to an age, where you can encourage her to see her grandmother without you.

How does your dd feel about her grandmother? My mother is a difficult woman. Dd and I discuss grandma and dd has got some good boundaries there. You would be better to focus on boundaries with the woman than contorting yourself to be an acceptable dil to your mil.

Wow. Honestly gobsmacked at some of the responses here defending your mother in law. Crazy OP you’ve done nothing wrong. You sound like a great mum.

drinkygin welcome to Mumsnet . Dig your hard hat out especially for AIBU?

I also thought she may have worried you were unwell so shouldn't hold the babe...

One of my friends has a baby, a school aged child and a 2 year old, and on various school occasions has handed me the baby without either of us even thinking about it so she can take the 2 year old to the loo at short notice or fill in a form. It’s what you do at that time of life. Your MIL was obviously stressed about something but that doesn’t excuse her behaviour...

Thanks everyone for their input. I had to see MIL this morning, so we spoke a bit, outlines of conversation were she’s snapped at a few people this week so she’s on the outs at work with 2other members of staff, and another needs to sort her act out because she’s always late (despite being late because she goes to pick MIL up for work) then went on to say that she can’t look at another staff member as she just wants to punch this other ladies lights out.

She then said oh, and I meant to say the other night, but (mum) isn’t right is she? Shes definitely not all there. Both of them are a bit like sort of dimwit little people aren’t they? I was embarrassed to be seen talking to them sorts of people, aren’t you?

She then went on to say she felt sorry for their daughter having parents like them.

They may not be glamorous, they may not dress how she likes, but they’ve been nothing short of lovely parents, and they are nice people. I’m aghast at MILs whole attitude.

I had to pick up my jaw off the floor.

I’ve never seen her to as this sort of person before now.

I can’t wrap my head around dimwit little people. Quite scathing considering they’ve never been anything but polite to her.

She's very superior and judgemental, OP. I wouldn't want to be see with her.

Talk to your DH. Tell him what his mum has said and ask him if she has always been like that! She may have been and you just haven't seen it or she may (sorry for this) be having some issues herself (dementia being just one possibility for her apparent lack of social awareness).

Either way, you need to protect yourself first and foremost and as of now, your MIL is only making your life more confused. So get your DH to step up!

I’ve never seen her to as this sort of person before now

Has your husband ?

Because if it's new to him too, then it's a worrying.

If he's more "well, that's just her way"... you might want to start to work on building some all new and improved boundaries, because it's quite possible that you're going to need them soon if she feels it's time you start to get to know her other side better.

Neither of those options is good news, so either way, good luck love. Because a more bumpy ride than you are used to might be just ahead.

Sounds like MIL is going to find herself out of a job soon if she's like this with her colleagues.

Yes, either this is her , in which case you want to keep your distance ( especially as it seems reasonably likely she won’t have a job that much longer) or somethings changed and your dh needs to find out what.
Clear boundaries - ‘those people you are insulting are my friends, I think we should talk about something else’.