Aibu for thinking I'll be too old?

[GrandTheftWalrus]

To have a second child?

Due to work I can't ttc until August next year by which point I'll be nearly 35 and dp will be 37.

If it happens in the first month again I'll be 36 when I give birth and my DP will be 38. His oldest child will be 16.

Is this too old?

Doesn't sound like your worry is actually about age but anxieties about falling pregnant then having enough love.

Frankly, if you've had issues falling pregnant in the past then why don't you just try now? What's Ireland got to do with it?

Many people feel they won't have enough love for another child. Pretty much everyone does - you don't share the love you just get more!

35 is obviously not too old for a baby from a social norms point of view. Many many people have babies in their late thirties and early 40s.

Personally, I wanted mine before 30 because of an extensive family history of rapidly declining fertility after this age. This has been the case for my grandma, mum and 2 sisters so I wanted to have mine early and luckily I had met DH and could. Without this history I may well have left it later, but that is about me. Everyone has their own stories and histories that will effect their choice- you are the only one on this forum who knows yours.

I am currently 36 and 18 weeks pregnant with DD 2. There will be a 4.5 year age gap between my DDs. It's not ideal and you will be classed as 'geriatric' and slightly higher risk, especially if you have a raised BMI.

@snowone I'm 38 and 21 weeks pregnant. In my NHS trust they class geriatric mothers as those over 40! Apparently they changed the definition here about 5 years ago as so many woman we having babies in the last 30's.

I agree with others I think age is just an excuse for the op and there are other issues here.

I don't think Doctors use the term 'geriatric' or whatever the Latin equivalent is for 'older' mums these days. I had my first baby at 43 & wasn't considered old, I raised a couple of concerns and was told I was a 'very healthy woman' . I think it totally depends on the 'norm' in your own social circle, although I probably was the oldest in my group most of my friends became first time mums in their mid-late 30s. It would have considered very unusual for any of us to have a child in our twenties or even early 30s.

I suspect the reason you feel like this op is because your DM is one of those who constantly witters on about your 20s being the time women should have babies.

It's bollocks pure and simple. But waiting for nearly a year when you are mid 30s+ and know you want to try for another also isn't something I'd do over a 3-week trip to Ireland.

1 nope not too old
2 bugger work .... it's not worth waiting just for work!
3 start ttc today 🤪

Of course not. Was 37 when I had first and 40 when I had second.

I had my 4th at 38 (to be fair it did take it out of me more than the others, although there were no problems as such). My mother had her 3rd at 44. And my paternal grandmother had her 12th at 49! If your body will co-operate, go for it, I say.

I don't think you should wait for work and you should start ttc ASAP.

I also don't think you're old though - most of my friends are 37/38/39 and having their first or second dc at the moment.

NHS says BACKGROUND: The elderly primigravida is defined as a woman who goes into pregnancy for the first time at the age of 35 years or older. Progressively, this has become more common in our contemporary society and traditionally such pregnancy is regarded as high risk.

So elderly prim at 26 is very outdated

have you said why you cannot go to Ireland when pg?

The cut off now for medically older mothers is 40. I think it used to be 35 then 37 and now 40 because so many people were having babies later and they were in the main fine.
Medically there are slightly increased risks for genetic issues like downs syndrome but if this worried you you could always pay for one of the more accurate tests (I was 37 and did this). Medically there is also a slightly increased risk of tearing and interventions etc however this risk goes down significantly for a second child if the age gap is less than a few years

So, medically you're not too old - far from it

I know and I'm sure you know lots of mums who gave birth over 40, so socially you're not too old

So it just becomes about how you feel - do you feel like your age currently has any bearing on being a parent to a toddler? Do you think you'll be able to cope being more tired etc?

Well obviously they don't stand you in a corner with a 'geriatric' sign around your neck but in my NHS trust when you are over 35 you are classed as higher risk than those that are below. During my last pregnancy I was midwife lead entirely at 32 - this time at 36 I am consultant lead due to the increased risk with age being one of the contributing factors. Obviously it is all about personal choice.

I think they let you be pregnant in Ireland now

Is this some sort of dig at the hundreds of older mums on here?

Well in my NHS Trust the only thing that happened with me being a geriatric mum was I was given anti-clotting shots post labour to administer for 2 weeks. But even that is a very new policy.

No not a dig at all.

I just wanted other opinions about age.

I'll have a discussion with DP when he gets home as he's working away just now and if we decide to go for it then he can go to Ireland and do the work.

I work in events and if I am pregnant and going to Ireland means about 20 twelve hour night shifts in a row which is tiring at the best of times never mind pregnant.

I apologise if anyone thought I was being goady or making digs at anyone. That wasn't my intention.

At 35 I doubt anyone will even mention your age. I had ds at 37 and not once was I described as elderly, geriatric etc by medical professionals and it was considered a perfectly normal age to have a child. Yes my mum was described as an elderly prim at 28, however if you look back on the family tree it seemed fairly normal to have babies in your 40s in the generations before! I think you are generally worried (understandbly) about pregnancy and fixing on the age thing as your reason for this.

However........despite me having my last at 37 without any problems at all ( very low risk in nt scan so no need for amino etc ) I did have 2 miscarriages in my early 40’s. 41 & 42.
So, I will be advising my daughters to complete their family by 40.
I know MN is full of mother’s in their 40’s which is wonderful & very reassuring for many, but it’s sensible on threads like this to point out that late pregnancy ( especially over 40 ) does not always end happily.

@Hideandgo I was supposed to be given them but they forgot. I only remembered when I got home and couldn't be arsed going back so didn't bother.

I was 44 when I had DS2, DH was 57. YABU.

Mine are still on top of my fridge. I couldn’t cope with self injections on top of everything else.