My kids are making me genuinely ill

[Cococabongo]

My kids are 6 and 8 and argue ALL the time. I suspect the 8 year old has other issues that haven't been diagnosed because nobody will take me on.

The oldest will scream like a toddler, slam,throw, yell, hit, smash things, is domineering, know it all, intense, methodical, over bearing, generally an overwhelmingly personality.

I've tried to ask for help from the school but they don't see a problem. In nursery the oldest had to be removed several times a week for intense meltdowns, at school the first two years he had a special corner for himself to go and sit in when he felt 'angry' as the school said.

He's constantly wanting to be the center of attention. The younger one constantly complains and cries. My husband says he hates the weekends because in all honesty it's just two days of shouting, screaming and stress.

We don't have family help, never get a break. My anxiety is through the roof, the behaviour is getting worse.

I've told the school I'm struggling, I've been getting panic attacks and going to the ER as the stress is so much I feel unwell.
I've got medication and a counsellor but I dread DREAD DREAD the weekends.

I take the kids to youth clubs, activities, I try to join clubs to socialise but the weekend is like living in a lunatic asylum.

Kids shouting and crying and screaming, arguing. Husband stressing, me feeling panic and sick at every little noise of distress.

I honestly am genuinely feeling unwell. I don't know what to do. I've tried bonding classes with the eldest, no avail. I just can't wait until the weekend is over. I hate night times because the eldest sleep walks and refuses to go to bed, always a tantrum and chasing him round the house to get to bed, can take over an hour.

I've tried talking, understanding, explaining to the kids, reasoning, loving, rewarding, charts, EVERYTHING. I hate being a parent I never knew it would be so difficult and nobody would help out.

I suppose it's ok for people who have family to help but it's literally us, or I feel me who has to carry the weight of everything! I'm so anxious all the time I worry I'm dying or I'm seriously ill because of the stress I can't seem to escape from!

It’s a tough one - the diagnosis issue

A close family member has this , diagnosed and has experienced some major challenges

However my 10 year old is extremely challenging . I have no desire to diagnose him as I can See the issues are manageable and are down to him having a certain character and a high degree of anxiety (for lack of a s better word)

I see him melt down fairly frequently and he definitely requires more ‘parenting’ . I can’t wing it with him .

So some of the great advice here would work for a child with the SEN and for a child that’s can be challenging also ?

I do think OP needs some medical support but even if she gets a diagnosis I am curious what that diagnosis does ? His behaviour won’t change just because he has a label will it ? I am genuinely curious and actually ignorant as to what a diagnosis can help with or change ?

stopfuckingshoutingatme

It will open up the possibility of therapy, medication and any necessary support at school.

Getting answers in a diagnosis can also help point a parent at the correct way to handle a problem, or negotiate a meltdown and understand the reasons behind them in the hope of learning how to de-escalate before it gets to that point.

For instance, children with ADHD and Dyspraxia can benefit from regular movement breaks to help calm their behaviour.
Children with ASD dont cope well with change/transition so learning to give proper warning and time can reduce the anxiety around not knowing whats about to happen and make moving from one part of the day to the next much easier.
His lack of sleep may be down to Autism, in which case a diagnosis can open up the option of Medication such as Melatonin.. and often just simply getting a better nights sleep can then impact on the days behaviour and the childs ability to cope.

Its also the matter that while the behaviour may not currently be presenting at school, in my experience, that often changed significantly towards the end of primary and then the child has serious difficulties at Secondary school.. so getting a diagnosis now will protect them in the future when it becomes obvious that additional support is needed for them to continue to access their education.

My (now) seven, eight and ten year olds have been pretty constant with arguing and fighting in the past and it's so wearing. I remember a few half terms when I've genuinely felt like I couldn't go on because of the unrelenting horridness... They are better now (although they still have their moments). I will tend to divide and conquer now. So one must go in the garden for an hour while one goes on the computer and then swap. That way I get a break. Of course I have to sit in the kitchen so I can say "out" every ten minutes as one tries to sneak in...

Squidgy
Thanks ! I hope OP gets some answers - help

I feel the same. Mine are 7 and 8 and constantly fight and scream all weekend so unpleasant to be around I can’t describe . I try watch films /do things with them and they are just so awful . I have a 18 year old with adhd with problems and no family support. No friends. No time alone to do anything can’t even have a bath or go to the toilet uninterrupted. Have to eat late at night just to eat in peace without stress. I literally feel like I’m in hell and honestly wish I was dead and that’s the truth.

I feel your pain. Ive been in tears tonight over my 11 yr old's behaviour. I have an older daughter who's 16 too & I've been dealing with both their schools all day. The older one doesn't want to go back to school & everything is the end of the world, my younger one has been getting into trouble at school & home non-stop and they fight like cat and dog. We don't have any real family support either, except their gran, who just indulges them and wonders what our ( mine & my husband's) problem is. I feel anxious all the time and they're starting to make me ill. It's an unforgiving, relentless nightmare :(

It sounds genuinely awful, I feel sorry for you and the challenges you face.

The only solution to the problem is to plan the weekend within an inch of your life. The more activities you plan and the less free time you have the less they have to mess about. This really works for me and my family. It’s exhausting planning every weekend with fun activities but it saves pain and anguish...

ZOMBIE THREAD 🧟‍♂️