To think my daughter needs a new bag?

[notsokeen]

Dd 18 started her hnc college course on Monday. She has a lot of stuff to take to college so she has a backpack and a laptop bag, however the laptop bag looks a lot like a briefcase. She came home from college yesterday and said that her course mates took the piss out of her (which she’s fine with, she knows how to laugh at herself), but a few people were laughing at her in the canteen which she said made her feel paranoid. She really liked the laptop bag as it protects her laptop but she said she might not go to the canteen anymore to eat her lunch and eat it in the corridor instead, as the canteen is where people laugh at her the most. I suggested for her to buy a large handbag, but she hates handbags. I really don’t want her to eat her lunch in the corridors, especially as her friends won’t be doing that as they eat canteen food whereas my dd has a packed lunch so she’ll be left out. I think she just needs to get a new bag that will fit everything, but she doesn’t want to go shopping for another one. Should I just buy her one? Or ‘force’ her to go shopping for one or let her take the laptop bag and still get mocked at. I just want her to enjoy her course with no worry or stress!

Gosh, I'm surprised that 18 year olds are this ridiculous - surely they should have outgrown this kind of tomfoolery by now? WTF?

They sound like absolute bell ends.

One day your daughter may meet a man who criticises her clothes and her hair and tries to get her to change these.

What would you advise her to do in that situation?

Gosh, people are really pricks. You’d think they’d outgrown it by their age!

If they are laughing at bag now and she changes it they will notice. Move onto something else and see her as a victim. If she likes the bag let her keep it. She is 18 after all. The guidance she needs from you is to be proud of her choices and not hide from them. Sit in the hall and eat!

She could try looking for something like this?

They look more like handbags but have the structural support to protect the laptop.

https://www.katespade.co.uk/en-gb/handbags/laptop-bags/universal-laptop-commuter/8ARU2468.html?cgid=ks-handbags-laptop-bags&dwvar8ARU24688size=419UNS&dwvarr8ARU2468color=001#gclid=EAIaIQobChMIw9SjggPf3QIVx7HtCh0gtwN7EAAYAiAAEgKzyvDBwE&start=1

I would buy her another bag because I wouldn't be happy that she was carrying 2 bags and its drawing attention to her laptop. The canteen kids definitely sound like they are re working the inbetweeners.

I'm not sure what's going on here. People with social anxiety tend to think people are laughing at them when they're not. You've said the experience made her feel 'paranoid', I think she may just be a bit self conscious and paranoid which is common at her age.

Because a laptop bag seems a very odd thing to laugh at even for fuckwit teenagers. Why would they?

But to take it at face value - if some numbskulls are genuinely laughing at an ordinary bag, she just needs to learn to have self confidence and ignore them, not feel paranoid to the point she eats in the corridor.

It’s more about helping her to work out her choices surely?

So... talking her through how she feels about each.
option A - ignore or tackle bullies. By herself or talking to college counselor. Don’t change bag. Eats in the canteen.
Option B - she buys a new bag, plenty of good ones out there.
Option C - don’t change bag but eats in corridor. This isn’t really standing up to the bullies.

Help her think through them?

Is she absolutely sure people one canteen were laughing at her because of a laptop bag?

I can't believe 18 yr olds at college even noticed she had a laptop bag, let alone obviously laugh. If they did thats just pathetic on their part, no way should she change her bag! She should carry the laptop bag into the canteen, and eat her lunch with her friends. They will get over it. If she changes her bag and they were really bullying her they will notice and it will be even worse for her. It's better your DD shows them it doesn't affect her in any way, they do it to intimidate not because they don't like the bag, it's like pissing on your territory type thing so don't show that she is intimidated. They are not in school anymore.

Her friends are being pathetic as well, fgs at 18 they should be over the whole cool bag thing, it's a reflection on their maturity levels absolutely nothing to do with your DD. Your DD needs a bag that protects her laptop so she has a bag that protects her laptop.

My thought was it was a reworking of the Inbetweeners "briefcase wanker" situ but I wouldn't have thought in a mean way, more just a reference. I suspect by Monday they won't even remember.

At uni there were one or two people who were still stuck in high school, or a real life mean girls and would do this sort of thing. Instead of being popular and intimidating like they were at high school they looked pathetic and silly. And had no friends. Because no one cared anymore, and if you don't care you can't be intimidated. There were enough people that everyone could have plenty of friends without having to associate with the 'meangirls' (or boys). I would have thought college would be the same.

Mumsnet post 'Stylish rucksack?' I think it's in style and beauty. Lots of suggestions for rucksack with laptop compartments that are sought after by 20 somethings. See what you think. Tkmaxx may have something similar?

With types like this, there’s not really any point in changing something they laugh at you for, as it’s really just an excuse.

I still got laughed at over my ginger hair once I dyed it, I still got laughed at for my glasses when one of my bullies had to get her own, and I was still called fat even though several of the bullies were actually fat when I wasn’t.

If the nasty little bastards have really got her in their sights, they will either rag on her for having had that bag in the first place, decide her new bag is shit or fixated on something else about her that’s “wrong”.

Lots of suggestions for rucksack with laptop compartments that are sought after by 20 somethings

Really not the point

Christ it's a bag.
She seems more thoughtful and careful about her items than people older than her.
Tell her that she is always going to be surrounded by people who may/may not be nice. Not to waste her time/energy on people who aren't worth it.

People who laugh at a bag are definitely on that list.

A colleague has this, looks good and fits laptops in so is useful.

www.amazon.co.uk/KROSER-Backpack-Computer-Repellent-Men-Black/dp/B0784LMD7J/ref=mp_s_a_1_34?keywords=laptop+backpack&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_QL65&tag=mumsnetforum-21&ie=UTF8&qid=1538221396&sr=8-34

@Greentulips - I was responding to the op's last point. She most recently posted that she wants to buy her dd a lap top rucksack. I posted some options I'd found helpful when faced with the same problem. I stand dismissed. 😁