To think my daughter needs a new bag?

[notsokeen]

Dd 18 started her hnc college course on Monday. She has a lot of stuff to take to college so she has a backpack and a laptop bag, however the laptop bag looks a lot like a briefcase. She came home from college yesterday and said that her course mates took the piss out of her (which she’s fine with, she knows how to laugh at herself), but a few people were laughing at her in the canteen which she said made her feel paranoid. She really liked the laptop bag as it protects her laptop but she said she might not go to the canteen anymore to eat her lunch and eat it in the corridor instead, as the canteen is where people laugh at her the most. I suggested for her to buy a large handbag, but she hates handbags. I really don’t want her to eat her lunch in the corridors, especially as her friends won’t be doing that as they eat canteen food whereas my dd has a packed lunch so she’ll be left out. I think she just needs to get a new bag that will fit everything, but she doesn’t want to go shopping for another one. Should I just buy her one? Or ‘force’ her to go shopping for one or let her take the laptop bag and still get mocked at. I just want her to enjoy her course with no worry or stress!

I’ve got a rucksack that is a laptop bag. It’s got air filled cushions round the bit the laptop goes in, and space for chargers plus anything else you might need to carry. It was sturdy enough to protect my laptop on flights across the world so I expect something similar would be fine for college.

Unbelievable, she is18.

I use a nice patterned laptop back pack for work, I get the files I need in there, pencil case, emergency bits (teabags, spoon, paracetamol, hair bands etc, I travel for work and never know what I'll need), hairbrush, charger, phones, lunch etc. It has a padded internal pocket for the laptop itself and fits loads of other stuff in it. She doesn't need two bags every day.

I'd actually be very proud of her for not wanting to change the bag, don't "force" her to go shopping just let her be herself.

I totally get why you want to do this for your daughter as she sounds like a fabulous young lady.

I used a backpack laptop carrier for work as the bag type ones were a literal pain in the neck and not easy to carry. I can fit my laptop, charger and various paperwork and other work related stuff.

If you’re confident you know her style just get one for her as a treat.

My only worry would be that with two bags to carry she leaves the laptop bag somewhere having put it down.

You can get really nice bright colourful laptop bags if she fancies something less business like but she shouldn’t have to just because of some knobby kids!

If she wants one, then I'd get one, but if she doesn't then I wouldn't.

It's not necessarily pandering to bullies. It's about making her life easier if she wants to.
My parents bought my sister a briefcase for secondary school. She was the only one outside the 6th form who had one and it marked her out immediately as being different. She could be a bit of a target anyway, but this pushed her straight in there, whereas if she'd flown under the radar for longer she might have avoided it.
I was most put out that then my parents refused me a briefcase, and my sister was most put out that I didn't have to put up with one. Parents can't always win!

For my dc, one of them likes what she likes and won't change for whatever. One likes to fit in, so will ask for something like everyone else and the other doesn't generally care.
I'm led by them. If the first says people are commenting, then I'll offer to get something else. Usually she refuses, but if she says she does want to change then I'll go with it. The second as long as it's not ridiculously expensive etc then I'll go with it. And the third on the odd times that he does ask for something I will get it as it obviously matters that much to him. (within reason!)

Could you ask her if she’d like one for Christmas or as an early Christmas present? it is shit that she’s feeling pressure to conform but it’s tough at that age still, also it sounds like one bag would actually be much easier to carry?

Is she doing her course in a primary school? I can't believe college students would laugh at a bag.

If her friends are going to the canteen-why wouldn't she go with them?

I think that it is perhaps unusual to have a laptop in a seperate bag, but can't believe that it's causing such a fuss!

She goes to a college where students are mostly 16-18, so I was thinking that the lads who were laughing at her in the canteen was most likely 16 and find people with laptop bags funny? I’m going to suggest a laptop rucksack as I don’t really like the idea of her carrying around two bags.

It’s very easy to say, from a distance, "it isn’t pandering to bullies" or she needs to do something to "fit it" for the sake of a quiet life.

What happens if the bullies dislike the new bag too? Or decide to laugh at her clothes or shoes instead. This isn’t about a bag; it’s about the freedom to make her own choices and not have her choice she limited by idiots.

How many of us would put up with this in a workplace or domestic situation? I think we need to be careful we don’t normalise this sort of behaviour before our offspring learn to accept it. Don’t teach children to accept any form of bullying or abuse, or that they are duty bound to please other people’s petty whims, because you have no idea where it might end.

"What happens if the bullies dislike the new bag too? "

This is the problem, isn't it-what if they have decided to pick on her regardless?

Tbh aside from the main issue, the secrecy of using a laptop backpack is good - it doesn't look like it contains anything expensive, so it's less likely to be stolen. I hate the thought of giving in to the incredibly immature boys, but if you think about the safety aspect instead it might be a good investment anyway.

I'd be worried about her losing the laptop if it's in a separate bag. I think it would be much safer if she had it in a padded backpack.

She's not standing her ground...she considering eating in the corridor away from the bullies. I'd just buy her a new bag she can get all her stuff in.

You would think all that rubbish was left at the school gates anyway if your Dd is happy with her laptop case leave her to it she is clearly more mature than the people laughing at her.

I work in a college, and most students have backpacks which they shove everything into. However it’s not at all unusual for students to have all sorts of random bags and baggage with them. If carrying it around is an issue, could she ask a friendly teacher if she can stash it in a department office during lunchtime? I’d be more than happy to stick something under my office desk and have offered this to students in the past. Obviously I can’t guarantee complete security but as much as possible.

Also does she have a form tutor/pastoral staff link? They’d be interested to hear about this sort of behaviour and would act on it at my college. Certainly if witnessed I’d come down on it heavily. It’s not telling tales, we all believe every student has the right to feel safe and happy at college and will defend that.

I’m really suprised both her classmates AND people in the canteen were laughing at her about her briefcase. That’s weird.

Have you seen how groups of 18year olds dress these days ? There are ALL sorts of crazy things going on. It’s very odd that a brief case would be noticed.

Surely it will be yesterdays news already.

Btw she needs tocontact her lecturers about the bullying

She needs a helpful phrase, not a new bag. Id suggest "fuck off and grow up, you pea brained knobs. Did you bully people at school too?"
Because I bet they did.

Some teenagers are just not good people. Keep being a great mum and supporting your daughter as best she can.

IMO I think you should encourage her to do as she pleases and if she wants to eat with her friends then blank out the idiots.

@Fairylea as soon as I read the OP I immediately thought of ‘briefcase wanker’ from the Inbetweeners!

All I can think of is that bag must way a "tonne" rucksack much better for her back...

She really liked the laptop bag as it protects her laptop. she doesn’t want to go shopping for another one

^ This is all that matters.

Her peers will get over it and get bored with laughing.

Sounds like your daughter has grown up and some of her peers are still in the schoolyard, unfortunately.

Maybe the others will get their laptops damaged and come asking her where she got her protective bag from