Partner filmed me without my consent

[positivityiskey]

As the title suggests, I have recently discovered my partner has been secretly filming me on his phone without my knowledge. To explain further, we have recently had a baby and have been arguing a lot. He has been treating me quite badly tbh. I called him out on his behaviour a month or so ago and rather than accept responsibility he blamed me for 'driving' him to it as all my focus is now on our newborn baby and that it's not right. I thought things were getting better as he stopped the aggression (he shouts a lot) and started spending more time with us. Recently he has started saying some quite horrible things about me (claiming I have PND and claiming that my mental health is deteriorating which I admit I have previously struggled with). He is claiming I can't cope and that I am struggling. He is calling me a bad Mum. He has accused me of drinking/taking drugs whilst at home with the baby (I am t-total - have been for years).
For the record I feel like super woman since having my baby and my mental health has never been better! I know (and my family and friends have assured me) that I am doing a fab job!
It turns out he has been secretly filming me during these horrible conversations and whilst I remain calm during the first hour or so of accusations/questioning, after hours of this verbal torture I do occasionally snap and tell him to fuck off/leave me alone/cry etc. I also have reason to believe he has filmed me during certain night feeds when I go to his to his room (we sleep separately because he works and needs his sleep) and ask him for help. When I have been up all night/exhausted I may not come across as the best Mum in world and I can be emotional.
He recently told me these negative videos of me exist and showed me certain clips to prove it. He has threatened to use them against me to show the world what a bad Mum I am.
I am so upset. I feel absolutely violated. I can't believe the man I love/father of my child has deceived me in such a way to try and portray me in a negative light. AIBU to end the relationship and leave him over this? Am I correct in thinking this is illegal? I need some advice as I don't know what to do moving forward? Sorry for the long post and thanks in advance x

OP just to echo PP: this is frightening behaviour. Please protect yourself and your children and leave immediately.

Wow. I really am overwhelmed at these supportive reply's. Thank you so much. I know it's sounds silly but upon reading these messages I feel certain that I am making the correct decision in leaving him. I knew in my heart it wasn't correct the way he has been treating me and to see this advice has confirmed it. I ended the relationship yesterday (24 hours after the videos came to light) and he has accused me of being over dramatic/blowing it all out of proportion. He claims to have deleted the videos now. To answer a few questions, he was going to use the videos to show family and friends the 'real' me (couldn't be further from the truth as naturally I am a very happy person). And yes, I have my Mum who has been utterly amazing and agrees with all of your posts and is happy that I can now feel happy in my decision to leave him. It will be difficult as he owns everything I have (car, phone, house) is all in his name. But honestly, he has made me feel so bad that I don't mind if me and my boy just have each other now. We are not married but he is on the birth certificate. I don't work as we agreed I would give up years ago (he is a high earner). I am now beginning to think this was the start of his controlling campaign. I feel silly for letting it get this far but I honestly feel so strong that I know me and my baby will be fine! Thanks again x

Please leave him, tonight if possible.

Oh OP. I have to agree with everyone else here.. this isn't normal and it is emotional abuse. Please pack a bag and go out "to the shops" tomorrow with your baby. Go to your parents or best friends and never go back. I wouldn't tell him you're leaving for good as he already sounds unstable.

Well done OP....

contact the CMS and they help sort a financial support for your Child from Him ... you did good Lady .. good luck

He is trying to control you and make you doubt yourself. It's good to hear it's not working. No judge or court would take such 'evidence' into account and you should know that the chance of a man taking custody of a baby are all but non existent. (I am a lawyer!)
Build up your support network and plan your departure. Have a look at narcissistic behaviour on internet. This is typical and once you identify it you will be able to deal with it much more objectively. The fact that he chooses to do this shows he is a destructive personality and he will not change so don't kid yourself into staying.

Good for you OP x you will flourish without this wicked controlling bastard in your life. So glad you’ve got your lovely mum for support x

He's going to look like the weird one for filming you, not you for being a human being.

He seems like the one that's mentally unstable and actually sounds dangerous. Leave this man for you and your baby's sake. I am glad to hear your feeling good (except this twat) I too have suffered with mental health and feel people do use it against you and make you start questioning yourself. X

Pack a bag for you and baby and go. Bare essentials. Go somewhere safe. Any evidence he has will go against him, as he ia also fliming his own abusive behavior at the same time.

Oh how awful, I'm so sorry.

I know a woman who used to do this to her husband. He's dead now and she's is jail for 25 years so it didn't end well but the filming conversations I believe was a big focus in court as part of her abuse

He's not right in the head.

Yes I would leave the arsehole without a backwards glance.

First, there is nothing wrong with you.
Second, his behaviour is abusive - it is unikely to change.
He doesnt sound like a person I would want to spend five minutes with never mind the rest of my life. The video thing is intended to be coercive and controlling - does he look after your finances too?
You really need to see a solicitor and get out - think of the child as well as you.
His behaviour is enough for divorce and to be honest thats what you need to do. Having a baby is a real strain hormonally as well as in almost every other way. He should be your brick instead he's a prick.

You are amazing OP. What kind of prize arsehole behaves like that to the mother of your baby.

Unfortunately you probably don't have much legal standing, other than for child maintenance, as you aren't married. But it still may be worth a visit to a solicitor just to clarify things and also to find out the legal ramifications of him filming you without your consent.

Now go quiet, go stealth. Don't believe for a moment that he's deleted the videos and don't think for a moment that he's stopped filming (or trying to). Do be prepared for him to try to agitate you or get a rise out of you to try and gather further 'ammo'. Remember that as of now, what he says and what he thinks means absolutely nothing. Do not respond to his words, do not react to him in any way. Keep a record of what he says and, of course, take any action you may need to take such as getting personal records and documents out of the house.

If you don't have your own income try to start a 'fuck off fund' to tide you over when you leave until you can get child maintenance sorted. This is cash you gather quietly and stash away from the house or hidden where he can't find it. Get cash back when you go to the shops, buy little things then return them for cash (this is getting harder as many places will only reverse the charge or give store credit), consider buying gift cards for grocery stores or other places you buy necessities such as nappies, wipes, food, etc.

Above all, get out as soon as you can.

Not many threads on here leave me feeling seriously unsettled but this has left me with goose bumps and a really unsettled feeling. This is not ok, in any way shape or form.

Please take your baby and go to your mum. Never ever let this man have any power over you again. This is totally 100% not acceptable and I would be tempted to call the police myself. Definitely call Womens Aid and talk to them about options and at least get it so somebody outside of you and your mum knows about this massive violation of privacy. it can help with getting you rehoused if nothing else.

Good luck

Please protect your child. Line up your ducks and leave with the children immediately.
What makes you think this is a normal thing? Ask a friend for assistance and quickly pack your stuff. Drive carefully to your family. You deserve better than this. Seriously. I hope you realise that he is doing it on purpose.
Call the police too.
If you are married please seek legal advice pronto. Discuss child support and custody arrangements for your child with a lawyer. File for a divorce.

Thank you everyone, your advice is invaluable. I feel so validated in my decision to leave him. I knew this wasn't right but stupidly love is blind. I was confused as he constantly reminds me of what a good man he is for letting me quit work/buying a house for me to live in, food to eat, car, phone etc. He has helped me in the past (as I have said I have struggled with my mental health) but he constantly throws this in my face along with the fact he works long hours to provide for us. Yes, he controls all of the finances. We don't have a joint bank account or anything. I have no access to his money. When I need money (for me or the baby) I need to ask him and then he will transfer it to me (often without question). Because of my previous mental health problems I do receive a small amount of benefit which goes to my bank account but he will berate me for spending this money and then going to him for more. As he owns my phone (contract is in his name) I have to be careful about who I ring for advice... he will look at the itemised bill and may check any numbers he isn't familiar with. Ditto with my car, he will be able to see where I have been using the car app. I am a little bit stuck but between me and Mum we will find away for me to get out of this mess. Thanks again ladies x

Do you claim child benefit op?

You've made totally the right decision in splitting up with him. He sounds horribly controlling. It seems he thought he had you where he wanted you once you had a baby. You showed him you're stronger than that and won't be controlled or intimidated. Good for you. Don't let him wheedle his way back in, he sounds dangerous.

Someone tried to show me video they took of someone else whom they were trying to put in a very bad light. I watched about 30 or less seconds of it and when it became apparent the other person had no idea they we're being filmed, I told the 'video photographer' arsehole to turn it off and never show anyone else the video.

It is a disgusting thing to do and I never trusted the person again.

If your partner were to show people the video to anyone it would backfire on him.

OP, I'm so relieved that you're leaving him and that your mum is bring brilliant.

I can only echo the rest of the thread - he sounds absolutely awful and potentially quite frightening.

Get your passports (you and DC), any documents you need, practical things/clothes for you and DC and go to your mum. You need to be in a safe place, and that isn't with him.

Anyone that reminds you what a good person they are because they buy you food and pay a mortgage, isn't a good person.

You are ABSOLUTELY doing the right thing. Don't even second guess yourself. Listen to your mum, get out of there and don't look back.

All the money in the world will not compensate you for the way he's treating you.

Be really careful. I’ve not read this whole threat but I suffered with depression while pregnant and my partner used these secret videos of me while arguing/while I was upset and when we split up shortly after I gave birth he showed them to social services as part of his case why he should have our child.