To expect my DDad to come home early for birth of grandchild

[Thefirstofthelasts]

Need objective opinions on whether IABU or if I'm just a pregnant hormonal mess

DDad spends half his time abroad in holiday home... Currently abroad now and due to come back 6 days after my new baby is being born (I know the date specifically as it's a Csection)

Current trip was booked before I was pregnant, but have obviously since told him the planned CS date several times and said about him changing his flights to come home in time to meet DGC first

Before he even left for this trip or indeed looked into the cost of swapping he weren't overly enthusiastic about bringing the home date forward.... Since he's out there now and I've reiterated the date to him he's checked how much it will cost and it's in region of £100 to swap flights to come home earlier

His initial text to me was that it would cost too much so he won't be doing it

After I complained to him about putting money before DGC he then back tracked saying it's not about the money, this trip was booked before you were pregnant or he wouldn't have chosen these dates

AIBU to be absolutely furious

Or am I just a hormonal mess?

It is "only" 6 days. I get it. Drop in the ocean.

If this was a once in a lifetime holiday he's been saving his whole life /retirement for I would get it, and wouldn't expect him to come home early. But it's not, he's there almost 50/50

IMO these special life events (probably the last one he will experience as I won't have anymore DC) comes before money

IMO he can afford it. The £100 "saved" by not coming back early would easily be spent in the extra 6 days of his trip

AiBU?

You’ll look back at this little dilemma of yours in a few years, and you’ll laugh and laugh at how YABU you’ve been 😀 That’s pregnancy hormones for you.

I think it depends a lot of the relationship you have or you think you have.

If you see each other been very close, talking everyday etc..l then I’m not surprised that you expected your dad to be there for the birth. You want to share that special moment with him too.
You aren’t mentioning your mum either which makes me think she isn’t on the scene which might have an impact too.
My parents wouod have made the effort (if they hadn’t been living overseas at the time...)

I suspect this is not about him coming back home but about the fact it says that actually your relationship with him isn’t as close as you thought. Or at least that’s how you analyse it.

Do you have other family/people yu are close to around at that time?

Most people complain when family want to be there, or want to visit immediately the baby is born. You're complaining because your df doesn't want to be there! I agree with him on this. There's nothing he can do to help and in fact you won't particularly want visitors, you'll want sleep.

Fwiw I am close to my parents and yes they wouod have had no issue at all to come back 6 days earlier. Esp if they had already spend such a long time abroad anyway. And esp for £100.

Actually they wouldnt have waited for me to ask if they could be there. They wouod have done it on their own accord (and then asked several times if it was ok to visit...).

I dint think it’s about needing support as in physical support. It’s about sharing something that is special with the ones you love and that are important to you. It’s about emotional support as much as practical support.

There's nothing he can do to help and in fact you won't particularly want visitors, you'll want sleep.

sorry. But it’s not because you or ‘most people’ don’t want visitors that the OP shouldn’t.

And why in earth her dad couldn’t do anything to Help? Many mothers have come to help their dd after the birth of a grand child. By cooking or doing some shopping. Or driving them to x or y (can’t drive after a section). Or very simply by holding the baby whilst they catch up on sleep. Why cant her dad do it too????

My mum didnt see dd1 until she was 7 months old. She was still her grandma and loved her .

My parents didn't see my dds until they were 3 or 4 months old.
They lived 200 miles away and weren't keen on travelling so had to wait for us to go to them. It didn't overly concern me.

It took my FIL 5 days to make it 30 miles round the M25, I think you'll be ok!

Is he on holidays on his own? Or are you expecting him to leave somebody behind?

Either way YABU, it's not his baby.

I think unless you are alone or really need the help for example looking after an older child then YABU sorry. The baby won't have changed much in 6 days, he won't be missing much. He has looked into changing it and it's expensive. The baby won't remember. It will still be special, there will still be photos and hugs and it will be lovely. You will also be feeling a bit more up for visitors.

Okay thanks posters

I'm feeling suitably calmer about it (although still a bit dissapointed)

Thanks for your perspectives though, I think I needed it before I went on a hormones induced rage

I can understand you feeling disappointed and upset. I think I would too, if I had built it up in my mind as something I really wanted him there for and something that was important to me.

However, I think he probably is thinking about it a bit more rationally - hopefully he will have years and years of time to spend with his grand-child, being there 6 days later (of which at least 3 are likely to be spent with you in hospital) is not the end of the world.

Feelings are rarely rational things though...

I had my second child by CS. I saw my father approx. 4 months later
to show him the baby. We live 200 miles apart.

We were not out of communication, we were close-ish.

I really can't imagine wanting my father there shortly after giving birth. I simply cannot envisage a scenario where I was cross that my Dad was not there for the birth.

My dd was born on my father's birthday but my dad was diagnosed with a life limiting condition and he died less than a year after my baby was born.

Honestly, OP, I thik you are being so ludicrously unreasonable that no further comments should be read.

Your dad is reacting normally. You are not..