Instamums (continued)

[MrBull]

Not a TAAT

Basically I don't think you're allowed to be a moody twat if you're putting your life on such a personal platform as instagram.

I agree with MightyMousie, I wouldn’t DM someone that I didn’t know especially with anything negative but the first time I commented on a story I was surprised to see my comment vanish off and then get a reply in my message box. I realised I had DM’d someone and I hadn’t even expected or wanted to to do it. “DMs” are generally just comments on stories which happen (because of how Insta ha set it up) to go into the private inbox and it becomes far more personal an interaction. When you put a story up, like a grid post, you are inviting engagement. If you don’t want the comments, keep everything to the main grid page and then all the comments are visible to everyone else. WRT parenting advice, well everyone loves to chip in because everyone has their own version of what’s best, right? You wouldn’t send an email to your whole office if you had a bad nights sleep with you baby, otherwise you’ll get Cheryl in HR telling you to swaddle or not swaddle or use a dummy or not use a dummy. If you don’t want the comments, don’t put it out there and especially not in your stories.

In fact I’d go so far as to say I had no idea there were pyjamas that cost £150 before that post!

I've spent a lot of time in children wards and the thing that struck me with MOD's post was that her pj's were certainly not the usual thing that mum's wear. Most people make a dash to Primark or Asda if their child is admitted unexpectedly.

Entirely up to her of course what she spends her money on, I haven't commented about her before but I thought she was fairly ordinary (was very surprised she was educated privately) like the rest of us but made a lucky break. The fact that she can justify that money on clothing to sleep in a hospital for me means that clearly she is not fairly ordinary.

I would also say that I would imagine the comments on stories are more demanding on an Insta's time, because from their perspective it also feels more personal an interaction and they probably feel more obliged to comment than a comment on the grid. Where I have commented on stories I often get a reply, but comments on the grid are more often not responded to. If an Insta is finding the "DMs" a burden, my suggestion would be that they stop storying so frequently (or try to find a way to feel less guilty about not responding to DMs).

Those PJs are insanely expensive. When my child was admitted unexpectedly my husband came back with some "unusual" M&S PJs he had chosen himself (I love them now, I was a bit at the time). She doesn't say she got them for the hospital stay though, could have been an online shopping treat for when she got home. Does seem rather out of touch/tone deaf though.

I think pp may be right. I think these were a treat to herself, justified by her hard week. In the past she’s been very clear about finding it hard while FOD is away (kind of confusing as he seems like the biggest child.) but her mum held the fort and she was at the hospital with the Twin.
She seems completely out of touch with normal life. And the pyjama post has got an unfollow from me. I mean who goes through having an ill child in hospital to browsing £150 pyjamas when mine have been hospitalised I’m worrying about my other kids and would be gifting whoever had stepped in to help.

It's weird that she does these things thinking it's completely normal and relatable, then wonders why people are shocked and complains about negative comments. It's not the first time either.

@CaptainCorrigan and that’s where I get confused. My initial thought must be it’s me that not normal, and perhaps most of her followers live similar lives to her and that is ‘normal’ but I honestly don’t believe 450k people all have that sort of wealth. I thought part of her charm and appeal was she was an nhs midwife, mum of 4. A while back they referenced not being able to comfortably afford nursery for twins, and after school child care and how a nanny worked out more affordable for the hours. So you’d like to think they’d be in touch with real life (although maybe even the nanny was a sign, I don’t have one of those either!) but now, reduced hours, new House, nursery, private schools, life appears to have changed somewhat drastically. And yet she doesn’t need to worry about alienating followers by posting with such little awareness.

Life has probably changed because of the influencer income, which is fine and great even, but I guess that’s the conundrum then, as your original audience is probably not following you for that aspect of your lifestyle.

I do sort of understand the random shopping as distraction in a crappy situation though, even though it probably wouldn’t have been £150 pyjamas for me

Well why should she, when so many people are quick to jump to her defence to say she deserves it? I don't have a problem with her buying expensive pyjamas if that is what makes her happy and she can afford it, but the problem with social media again is that this reinforces the narrative that mums deserve to treat themselves after a tough week, we deserve it, go on, its only pyjamas. It encourages spending spending spending. Makes a change from wine/gin o clock though I suppose.

There was an interesting piece on the radio the other day about sustainability and the UK fashion industry and how social media fuels a throwaway society ("look and chuck"). Fashion bloggers wearing a new (gifted) item every day are just feeding into this. This article explains it in a bit more detail.

www.independent.co.uk/life-style/fashion/fast-fashion-waste-instagram-industry-environment-damage-a8569756.html

On The Frugality, some of the moaning I saw before I think was about people DMing asking about something, but without manners. I totally get the irritation, but I think if you have rude customers you don’t complain about it in front of other customers, unless you want to remind them that that’s what they are to you.

Again, that might be true, but it doesn’t sit well with the whole quasi ‘we’re all friends here on these little boxes and I’m just recommending things out of a true love for them’. It unfortunately lifts the curtain a bit. There’s nothing wrong with any of that but it breaks the spell that makes you click through, so it’s a bad business move, and business is what it now is.

Suddenly using my children as marketing tools is highly appealing. I’m in debt and life sucks!

Oh and one more thing, I actually like influencers including MOD and Frugality, and I continue to follow them and I happily click on affiliate links as often appreciate the pointer to something I might not have found otherwise. I just don’t like reminding that I’m an irritation really, therefore I would never reply to questions on feeds or stories as kind of know now that it’s business.

If it was a treat to herself after her crap week I think good on her, I always treat myself after the dc have a hospital stay (albeit not £150pjs) If that is the case though it would have been nice of her to mention it, a lot of mums with dc with health problems could relate.

I don't mind the frugality and her baby is very cute.

The worst offenders for non disclosure are Icons / WIT. And Anelli Bush.

I remember last year, my IG feed being flooded with 'influencers' being gifted this brand of PJS thinking how nice they were including the Frugality

It's actually quite refreshing seeing an influencer being upfront and honest about buying them and not shoehorning an #gift somewhere in the background

And I suspect she tagged the brand to reduce to amount of 'where did you get them from' comments and having to reply to them?

If she added credits onto her captions then she could tick off the transparency point and head off the questions about where things were from and so save herself a lot of time replying to people. It is really not that hard.

@spiritleveller it’s interesting when overall as a planet we need to conserve, reuse, recycle, cut down in plastic, but so much of instagram is new, new, new. Primark hauls and gifted items are making people feel they need to buy more, buy new. The ‘must have’ items.
I do like thefarmerswife although I’ve found her ads hardeork. She buys a lot from second hand shops and shares, her purchases are much more normal, but that’s why a sudden influx of fat face/hunters/Boden is kind of out of line with the account, and yet it must be lovely for her.
I don’t mind overall a few influencers getting a nice life it’s more the entitled nonsense.

I don't think MOD discloses gifts either though (not much anyway from what I have seen) so even if they were gifted I doubt whether she would have said so.

It would be easier to name the fashion bloggers that do disclose than name all of them that don't. The ones that consider themselves more high end/designery tend to be the worst.

The campaign to save the plight of endangered animals by purchasing a £230 cashmere jumper with a leopard on it made me lol. They are so out of touch.

Visitor.

I’d say they were a good buy based on the engagement

Yep, plus no doubt the brand will be in touch with a little sweetener for some more product placement.

@SpiritLeveller was that why they were all pratting about at that safari park?

Yes - I was thinking of leaflet dropping the new ASA guide while they were all in one place

The campaign to save the plight of endangered animals by purchasing a £230 cashmere jumper with a leopard on it made me lol. They are so out of touch

That’s fucking hilarious.