To wonder if anyone enjoys their lives

[MrsHoodwink]

May sound a bit melodramatic but I mean in the sense that I get up, school run, cleaning, school pick up, cooking, more cleaning, exhausting bedtime routine (two DC’s under 6yrs that share a room)...

Sit and look at my empty bank balance/debts, look at my shitty council house that I’m trapped in and it’s the same every day like Groundhog Day.

The entire time being screamed at by two smaller versions of me, one with autism. Surely this isn’t it I get that I chose to have kids but I didn’t think there would be no enjoyment left (apart from the little moments with them of course! But I mean day-to-day living)

Aibu to think there must people out there genuinely happy most of the time And if so... how do you do it?!

I wouldn’t enjoy that life, no one would.

Same as you only I have 4 kids under 7.

My friends seem to enjoy their lives now that their kids are older so who knows.

Hands up
Me

I hear you op and I know exactly what you mean..
I don't have kids with SEN (there but for the grace of God) but even with my two lovely fit and well daughters I know what you mean about not feeling the joy or happiness in life and feeling like there won't be any more of that for me.
I feel trapped and you sound like you feel it too.
you are not alone.

It could always be worse. Massive traffic jam on the M25 at the weekend, 45 minutes of queueing and complaining how this country's going to the dogs, and then we go past a motorbike, upside down in the fast lane. No way that was survivable. It struck me that that person had plans, needed to get somewhere, was probably thinking of spending his Saturday night with his mates or something. Shut us all up quickly.

Thing is, we all look introspectively when we critique ourselves and our achievements, but you've got to congratulate yourself on what you have achieved. It sounds shit at the moment, but nothing's forever - as the saying goes: Tough times don't last - tough people do.

I understand why you're not happy, but I do like my life. I love my job it's varied and interesting, I'm very happy with DH despite him thinking pants live on the floor, I have a lovely group of friends and get on well with family on both sides, and the family home I always wanted but want always sure I'd get. Other than the cat waking me up in the middle of the night and pregnancy swelling/aches etc I am happy with what I have. There have been earlier times in my life where life felt like a treadmill working relentlessly and not having the life I wanted but knowing I was heading in the right direction, even tiny steps at a time helped.
Do you get any respite? Does the DCs dad help out at all? You need some time to be you.

: Tough times don't last - tough people do.
@leafyhouse I've not heard it put this succinctly before, but I love this sentiment.

Sorry you're not feeling happy, OP.

I really do enjoy my life, yes.

I enjoy my life because I don't have children so I have complete freedom over my time, money, and energy.

I hope it's making you happy to hear this, but yes, I do, very much enjoy my life.
I don't have a child with autism, so can't relate to that.
But I do some if the things you do, and I enjoy them. I enjoy the school run, beautiful weather, nice chat with my girls. I also enjoy cleaning my house (this is probably weird), but I put my music on full blast and potter round cleaning, enjoying each room once it's done.

Hmm good question and I can totally see why life is shit for you at the moment.

It goes from day to day here.

A big fuck off chocolate cake or packet of dark chocolate digestives and a brew can make me, for about half an hour think that life is good.... really good.

Then I remember the shit tip surrounding me and the thought of it all starting again tomorrow makes me think that life is a bit shite.

I suppose that I just do a bit of something to make me happy each day, might be sticking my earphones in listening to awesome music while I clean/cook/food shop, or demolish half a packet of chocolate digestives, go for a brew with a mate, wander some shops with zero money.

Little things for me that don't cost money.

I enjoy my life. Certainly it is helped by only having 1 DD (aged 7) who has no SEN. However I work for a living and have to get up at 6am to walk the dog when I'd rather be in bed and don't get me started on cooking meals. I try to find moments every day where I do exactly what I want to do. This lunchtime instead of doing the dishes the dog and I went and sat on the grassy bit of park in the middle of our estate in the sunshine. I have a damp bum now but for 10 minutes there I was free and happy with my eyes closed enjoying the warmth of the sun on my face and listening to the birds. I try not to sweat the small stuff and to grab any moment that stands a chance of making my life happier - even if it means I have to do the dishes later.

Sometimes instead of putting DD to bed I lie on the bed with her and we chat. She goes to bed a bit later but we are both happier for half an hours "stolen" time.

Between school drop off and pick up is there time for you to do something you love? Take a walk? Bake a cake? Have a bath?

try taking 5 mins to imagine how life would be if you didn’t have a shitty council house, you had an even shittier rental, along with a huge shortfall in housing benefit to pay every month and the constant wondering how long before the landlord who never fixes anything decides to serve you notice to quit because he doesn’t need an excuse;
If you hadn’t got your dc into their current school but had to go a 30 minutes each way drive twice a day - more costs - and one also gets travel sick; if your neighbours had damaged the walls so now it sounds like their kids are in your house rather than through a wall and they wake you up screaming every morning at 6am plus the mess they leave out means you can’t open your front door for more than a second for fear of flies and you can’t work out how nice are getting through but you’re catching them on a regular basis. How about a chronic illness/pain which has no secure/relief? I won’t be completely brutal but you could throw in plenty more and they could be so much worse. Immerse yourself for a while...
How’s your life looking now? Happy to help xxx

*mice not nice(!) and cure not secure

What a lovely empathetic post @GameOldBirdz

Op it strikes me that you have absolutely no joy or enjoyment in your day whatsoever. It will feel like a treadmill unless you can add things that you enjoy.

We have a similar day in some respects, but I also do the following:

Walk the dogs and enjoy the fresh air
Invite friends over for coffee or meet them for a walk
I treat myself to the odd day out
I do my jobs but then allocate up to an hour doing something I enjoy afterwards. Reading a book or magazine, watching a good box set
I always make a lovely lunch and enjoy it in peace
I play music that makes me happy
I do the gardening and feel happy listening to the birds
Even cleaning I put on a great radio station and try to put some love into it.
Go the cinema and watch an adult film with or with out a friend
Learn a new skill

Consider getting a part time job

I also try to break up the children's routines a little. Some evenings we go for a picnic or a trip out to get an icecream. I have golden time with them at the end of the day, so we can just talk quietly and decompress from the day.

Don't allow the monotony to kill off your joy and energy.

Nobodies life is a picnic it is what you make it. Cliche but true.

Remember even when you are tired to enjoy your kids, kick leaves, roll around in the garden or on the floor. Play hide and seek. Look for conkers and play a game or two.

Your children can make you feel alive again if you can decide to leave the washing until tomorrow and enjoy being with them.

I am a lot happier since my youngest (of 3 DC) started school. I found it slightly soul destroying being stuck at home with preschoolers. I've lived in the area for 10 years and tried to make mum friends but only ever formed very superficial friendships. I do have a hobby now and love being able to hang out with like-minded people there - it keeps me sane. Also, I've realised I need a bit of time alone without people constantly mithering me, in order to function. Sounds like you need to think of some things you'd like to do for yourself.

GameOldBirdz

I enjoy my life because I don't have children so I have complete freedom over my time, money, and energy

Sorry but this ^ for me too. My DH and I are often saying how grateful we are for our lives, we are in the midst of trying to decide whether to have children, but we are so happy we might stick with the status quo.

I hope life starts to get brighter for you OP

I'm happy with my life. I have a loving husband, three healthy children and a great group of friends who are like family to us.
Its taken a while to be able to say I'm happy - years, not months.
We weren't happy where we used to live as it was too busy. We live in a small town now and there's a great sense of community.
We are a 20 minutes drive away to the beach.
Small changes can have a big gain.

I’m happy with my life, but my D.C. are older.

Having very young kids, let alone adding SEN into the mix, is very hard.

When my twins were little and I was permanently exhausted and skint my Mum said “this will probably be the hardest part of your life and marriage, not enough time, not enough money, not enough sleep, not enough space, too much work. Hang on in there. It gets better, slowly but surely”.

She was right. Eight years on new job, new home, lovely happy kids, happy marriage, happy life.

I hope lovely things are just around the corner for you OP.

I'm another one with grown up kids who will tell you that you are at the hardest stage of your life.
As other people have said try and have a bit of fun with the children, running around outside, having a picnic in the living room. When they are in bed try and have a nice time for yourself, watch a film you fancy, read a book play your favourite music.
It does get easier!

I'm happy with my life. I am a single mum of one. I am not wealthy but feel comfortable and we have enough money for treats and nice holidays. My job isn't stressful and I have a good work/life balance.

Most importantly I have a great support network of family and friends. I think that impacts greatly on my happiness.

Routine is key to my life when it comes to things like housework. I do a different room every weekday after DS has gone to bed to break it up a bit and I don't do any at the weekend. I also make sure I spend a few hours each week doing something for myself. Self care is important.

Honestly if I got to have the whole day off between school runs .. yes. Yes I would enjoy life. But actually I am a single mother with a full time job & 1 part time so er not that much sympathy

Same boat op.... Three kids two with sen one of which is Incredibly challenging.. there is no happiness or joy in day to day living and even when I should feel happy I don't feel it. I feel unable to feel joy.
I'm trying to get a. Pt job..it's impossible. No money... And stuck here

I do enjoy my life, yes, but my dc are now 12 and 14 so already pretty independent. I am extremely lucky (and work very hard) to not have money issues which also helps, along with a group of friends who like doing stuff!

You are at a tough phase, it will get better - remember as the children get older, to do things for yourself and don't feel guilty about it.