To wonder if anyone enjoys their lives

[MrsHoodwink]

May sound a bit melodramatic but I mean in the sense that I get up, school run, cleaning, school pick up, cooking, more cleaning, exhausting bedtime routine (two DC’s under 6yrs that share a room)...

Sit and look at my empty bank balance/debts, look at my shitty council house that I’m trapped in and it’s the same every day like Groundhog Day.

The entire time being screamed at by two smaller versions of me, one with autism. Surely this isn’t it I get that I chose to have kids but I didn’t think there would be no enjoyment left (apart from the little moments with them of course! But I mean day-to-day living)

Aibu to think there must people out there genuinely happy most of the time And if so... how do you do it?!

My heart goes out to anyone who have terminally ill children, you are a stronger person than me Single mums I take my hat off to you, who are doing such an amazing job, mums dealing with SN children day after day without any help, you all deserve a medal. Where would the world be without all the amazing parents.

I enjoy my life, I am very, very lucky and never take it for granted, you never know when your life might change.

I enjoy my life. To an outsider I am very lucky in many respects. Happily married, both in secure jobs and DH very well paid. Lovely house, two bright, healthy teens and a few holidays a year looking to retire in our mid 50's. Our secure financial future however is due to an inheritance when after the death of my DF in his early 50's, my DM aged 69 was then killed in a car accident last year. So day to day happy yes, but no matter what anyone tells you,, probe deeper and nothing is really ever as it seems.

I have three kids and two have autism so I get what you mean. It’s really hard. No disrespect to many others but having a chat with Sen is really hard work. Even if the person seems bright and breezy it can be really tough. Honest answer is I don’t know. I think not having kids allow you so much freedom. If you don’t like your life change it. Not the same when you have kids.

I think what others have said about finding joy in the very small every day things is the key.

My mum always said of those who claimed money doesn’t bring happiness that it’s easier to enjoy the sunset when you’re not worrying about how you’ll pay your rent.

And she’s so right. But even when you are worrying about the rent, the sunset is still there.

At the shittest times in my life I’ve tried to focus on anything and everything that’s beautiful or happy or funny. Not saying I always succeeded! But snuggling up under a soft duvet cover, a good book from a charity shop, a cup of coffee and a piece of toast, a cheap magazine, something funny on tv, a soak in the bath, chatting to a friend on the phone, pictures of baby animals - whatever works for you - makes shit days less shit.

Have a nice relaxing evening OP.

I do actually enjoy my life, I have two lovely children who were so wanted. The school runs, cooking, washing etc are all by the by, those chores come along with the children so we’re expected. Wouldn’t change a thing.

Sometimes life does seem like you’re just on a treadmill. I had a period of feeling something like this and I felt guilty as I had a good job, happy kids etc but just everyday was the same routine. I now make sure I carve out something for myself - hard with 4 kids and husband who works away a lot. I started yoga - with YouTube on tv! No cost or having to leave the house but it’s been fantastic for me. Yoga might not be for you but something else might be. Lots of my friends run - they say it really helps their mood.

Also going walking with the kids helps and tires them out. When they were younger I would buy chocolate coins to hide & pretend the fairies must have hidden them - yours may be too old for that game though !

I’m sorry you’re having a tough time OP.

I enjoy my life. But then I have no children and so I have a lot more freedom.

I think a lot of things in life have to be enjoyed on a small scale. I love just taking a walk with my dogs, listening to my favourite music in the car, reading books I enjoy, putting on my favourite moisturiser, having a cup of tea in the morning, taking care of my houseplants, learning something new.

I think when life gets overwhelming it’s good to take a step back and think of all the tiny little things that can brighten your day. I know it sounds really lame and I can’t really relate to your situation as I’m not a mother, but there are so many moments in each day that if you take the time to be mindful about them, you can find happiness in.

I hope you have some brighter days ahead.

Sounds familiar I start the week trying to have a better week, hoping my youngest son will settle before 10/11pm and not colour himself in like he did last night. That my bills will be paid and I won’t owe anything and can buy decent food this week then it all goes to shit by end of the week because of course my son doesn’t sleep then something crops up and no one helps with the dishes etc and it’s all me having to do everything so yep it’s hard and as much as I know people have it worse, in my own bubble it’s just crap and exhausting and I wonder if it’ll get better or worse.

I enjoy my life, although I don't think it's easy.
I commute 5 days to a demanding job, I'm a LP, I worry about money, my job, my kids education, ect ect.
But - I love my kids and they make my life worthwhile. I love my family and friends. I love my house. I love going on holiday. I like my job, I like my colleagues. I love simple pleasures. I like being alive.

Its just bloody hard for some people, and thats the truth. There also seems to be a kind of shame involved, when your life seems so much harder than others (especially if it seems invisible)?

Sometimes I look at my happy, married, financially stable, nicely housed friends and (perhaps unfairly) think they don't know the half of it. Perhaps for this reason, most my closest friends have had to deal with major barriers or hardships in life.

When I've got the time / energy for friends that is .

I'm okay but I want to travel but dont have q traveling partner..it would make me happy right now I'm okay with my life but it's a boring

Debt is one of the most stressful things I have a small debt and it is horrible once I paid it never again will I borrow
Get out it debt try everything it will be a weight off you

I am happy because I left my H and now live in bliss with my wonderful DD who is 7. Full time job that I enjoy, no drama, bills are paid, I started going to gym now that DD goes to her dad's twice a week and it's making me feel much better.

Cleaning is not a chore to me, I do a little bit every day so don't have to spend hours on it. I don't bother cooking during the week, only at weekend when I have time. I don't enjoy cooking tbh so we get 1 take away a week and then simple things like pies that just need putting in the oven or lasagne etc.

No ones mentioned health issues. I’m in my sixties and have had lumbar disc issues since I was 19. One episode after another. Pain is in my life daily. Eventually had cervial disc rupture and now chronic pain from that. Fell a year ago now I’m dealing with a frozen shoulder which could lead to surgery. I feel like a injury prone jinxed person. I envy anyone who has gotten through live without injury. I’ve had more then my share. I was even run over by a car as a child. Luckily nothing was broke. I guess I should be grateful I’m alive and my daily life isn’t worse.

I’ve been desperately unhappy and now I’m totally content. I didn’t realise people’s lives varied that much between the two but they do.

It sounds like you need a big hug and a bit of a break. My best mate has a child with autism so I know how exhausting it can be, besides that, simply having 2 kids under 6 is hard work if you don't get any time for yourself. I wish I could send you some help, no one should feel like this.

I am on the whole extremely happy, I have my DS ,eventually after not think we would, my DH is brilliant-most of the time. I gave up my high pressured job up to be a SAHM, as he just totally changed my perspective on what was important. Yes, I have frustrating times with a 13month old but I wouldn't change it for the world.

I hope you can find some help to enable you to enjoy your kids and maybe not feel so trapped.

I don't think you can ever say you are happy because you don't have something, if you have never had "that" something at one stage to actually know, so I wouldnt take them statements on board.

i have 2 children(14,8) with moderate asd(any many many other conditions each)that need 24 hour care/supervision as neither sleep and cant be left alone due to anxiety/safety

the 14 y old has only just recovered from a 3 year nervous breakdown(caused by school),they are also home educated because of these problems(and school failing the both of them)

my partner and i are literally 24 hour carers(paid as well) but their disabilities allow me to live a great life with out money worries(between the 4 of us we get £750 per week and full rent and council tax paid)and the fact that we don't need to "work"so we can spend 24 hours with them(never agreed with childcare) and i know they are safe and happy at home

we are out on day trips most days,visit many clubs(home ed and disabled groups)holidays monthly(caravan parks,butlins,havens etc)and have a lovely big 3 bedroom house

even though they are 24 hour work and neither adults really sleep(not in the same bed either) and oldest was in his breakdown and adults are emotionally knackered we are all mostly happy

I enjoy mine very very much, but you have a lot on your plate, so not surprisingly are fed up.

I was just thinking about it today. I am just aout always happy. My periods stopped at 55 about a year ago so I don't even have a day or two of feeling fed up with PMT any more. I was scaninng my diary today from 85 when my mother was about my age and in constant back pain and might have needed an operation (she didn't in the end) and yet I seem to get ill hardly ever, seen the GP once in 12 years, not had a cold even for 2 years. I am so so so lucky and I am sorry for anyone else who has to cope with pain and illness.

Like most people however I have had more difficult times in the past including divorce, deaths etc.

this doesn't last, you are talking about monotony - doing the same thing every day - like you do when your children are young is boring but try to find something in small things, and do something for yourself every day, even if its just having a nice bath or reading a book or watching a tv programme, just something for you.

I was you a few years ago and I promise it does get better, x

I tend to think that only the rich are happy. They have nice homes, don’t have to work all the time, aren’t ground down by childcare because they can afford nannies, and are able to have time to themselves. For most people life is just drudgery. The rich pay for someone else to do their drudgery for them.

Ok. I'll bite. You have subsidised housing?

Just saying because we all live our shit lives because choices we have made - I would fucking kill for a shitty council house.

You need to identity the one or two main things you really hate about your life and go all out to change those bits.
Also, positive outlook affirmations or whatever you want to call it really help. I have two DC's, they were whingeing every available moment and it was putting me in a really bad mood.
Now, every morning on the 10 minute drive to school we all have to say three things we're happy about this morning. Literally, "This morning I'm happy that the sun is shining, I'm happy the scenery is so beautiful and I'm happy we're not late for school." Sounds like a load of old bollocks, it works amazingly for us though!