Do you just not belong

[perroy]

Have had this feeling all my life. The unloved ousider. It does not make a difference how hard i try. AIBU is it only me?

Yup. Totally me :(

I've always been on the outside looking in. I'm in my late 40s and I've never fitted in or belonged anywhere.

I acutally have the perfect life as an expat. I can be the person the person outside looking and I am at peace with that. Its just that since I was a child I have always felt...odd.

I can play the part of being of being gregarious, get along well with people but on my heart I know its all an act. That is very unnerving

My life seems like an act too. One very long exhausting act.

I feel like this and have felt it all my life. That’s it just me on my own and I’m a total outsider. Like you chiffon I feel like I am a very extroverted person, I just don’t really fit in. I found one person I thought made me not feel that way. Turns out he had a personality disorder! Not sure what that says about me

Chiffon, I am so sorry. Some of what you say is very similar to what I have gone through.

You're not alone. I feel this way too

What's normal?

Running with the herd, being part of the matrix. Being classed as 'normal'; living a conventional life, fitting in to other peoples perceptions.

No thanks.

I always felt like this. I'm friendly and I try to be as kind as possible to others. I never had any decent friends and I feel my DH is my only backup in life. I have ASD and as far as those Myers-Briggs tests go, I'm the INTJ. I used to just plod along thinking I must be unpleasant, especially at work. I have realised that I am not but my sense of humour and interests do not match anywhere! I try not to make work friends any more due to being burned in the past. I only need very small amounts of social interaction to sustain me.

Someone did a thread saying they were lonely etc a while back and we suggested a group on FB and meet ups, but obviously nobody who said they would message actually did.

But I want to be a sheep!

I kind of get what you mean. I am good at causal conversation in baby groups etc but I find it hard to make friends. I don't actually really have any close female friends, my now DH was my best friend. We have 3 kids though, and since meeting DH and having our family I feel like I have found my people, and I'm part of a little unit.

While I enjoy talking to my colleagues in work, and talking to the people I come across in day to day life I do feel very different from them. I'm not interested in social media or keeping up with the latest trends, or reality tv. I'm not interested in designer labels or flashy cars or impressing them. I'm not interested in going out and getting drunk, or even that interested in going out too much. I think that sometimes means that I don't have a lot in common with people.

I am very content with my family though and no longer feel like my life is lacking anything in terms of relationships.

You have no idea how badly I want to be a part of the herd. I just want to be a goddamned sheep lol

It's not just you. I used to want to be a sheep, but the older I get, the more comfortable I am with myself being different.

Yes yes yes
One of the reasons why I left my home country when I was very young. I have lived in 5 countries, something like 10 cities probably more.
Because then it is MY choice to be the odd one out 😪

Welcome to the wonderful world of being autistic!

True, I want to be a part of the whatsapp groups where people decide to dress in red and post their pictures.

I couldnt ever do that but i wonder if i am missing out.

I think I could write a children's story book about the lonely wolf not from him being the one who wants to kill the sheep but about him wanting to just be friends with the sheep. Because that's who I am.

@RangeRider I strongly suspect that that's part of my issue.

I can baaa, but my baaa is just different lol. I'll never fit in.

They sense it.

I'm the same. I'm currently trying my best to accept that I don't have that big friendship group and never really have but I do have my partner and child plus the one growing in my tummy and that's what is important to me. I try to limit my time on social media as it makes me feel crappy a lot of the time.

I've always been like this too and I didn't understand it for a long time. Fortunately I was lucky enough to meet my lovely husband, who is exactly the same, and he made me feel it's OK to just be who I am and not to have to feel I need to act differently or try to be someone I'm not just to fit in. We've mostly just got each other and we're OK with that, although I do worry slightly that being so unsociable will make it harder for our daughters - we live in a very sociable country and she doesn't go out to nearly as many group events as the other children. However I am very carefully trying to raise her to feel that she's wonderful as she is. If she's gregarious, that's OK. If she's not (I see strong signs she's like us), then that's just fine too.

@Chiffon that sounds like an excellent idea for a children's book. Do you think you could actually do it?

Yes, I want it to turn out happy, so I want the sheep leader mummy to take a stand and say that the wolf can join in.