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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

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68 replies

Cantbelievethis123 · 27/09/2018 14:26

I have received 2 anonymous letters the past month. Both typed but the address has been handwritten. They were posted and had stamps on them.
They are not threatening in nature just saying they know I'm having an affair with a married man (I'm not) and that his wife will find out soon.
Is it worth reporting these to the police? Would they do anything? Is there a way to find out who's sent them? Or should I just ignore and carry on with my life?

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 27/09/2018 14:39

How horrible and creepy. Do the letters say who your supposed lover is?

OftenHangry · 27/09/2018 14:44

It might be worth talking to your local PCSO just in case it turns into something worse.
Affair involved, even though it's not you, can lead to very bad emotional situations like smashed windows and such.
You got two. If it was just one I would say let it go, but two is 1 too many.

TheCakeCrusader · 27/09/2018 14:46

Maybe worth logging with the police just in case any further letters are sent to you as it could be perceived as a form of harassment? Keep the letters as evidence in case the handwriting can be matched in the future.

Do you have any idea who might have sent these letters to you?

Original poster
Cantbelievethis123 · 27/09/2018 14:48

They've named a guy I used to work with. I haven't seen him in months and I don't have his phone number or any of his social media. At first I thought it was a case of mistaken identity but now another letter has arrived.
My friends say leave it be as it's not true so there will never be proof but I don't want it to escalate and I haven't reported it iyswim. However the letters aren't threatening so don't want to waste police time

OP posts:
Original poster
Cantbelievethis123 · 27/09/2018 14:49

I have absolutely no idea who it could be. Is it possible to trace a letter?

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HidingFromMyKids · 27/09/2018 15:08

Oh I was about to say it sounds like they have the wrong address but if they have named somebody you do actually know then it seems not.

Do you have any idea why this person is convinced you are involved? Insignificant to you but working late, sharing lifts or something daft like bumped into him in a shop could be misconstrued.

I would definitely speak to non emergency police and ask their advice although I'm not sure what they can do about it.

NonaGrey · 27/09/2018 15:12

Yep, I’d go and see my community police office too.

You say they aren’t threatening, but they are tacitly. They are libellous and impugning your integrity and good reputation.

I shouldn’t think the police will be able to do anything but they might be able to give you advice and help if it escalates to stalking etc.

HildaZelda · 27/09/2018 15:15

I would report it, especially now that there are two letters. It would be a good idea to have spoken to police about it just in case it escalates any further.

Aquamarine1029 · 27/09/2018 15:28

I would report this to the police and I would also want your former colleague and his wife to be informed about this terrible lie. My thinking is that even though you are receiving the letters, this man and his wife could be the real targets. If I were them, I would want to know.

I would definitely report to the police first and get this on record. Make sure you keep copies of the letters. I think I would then figure out how to contact this couple, and if you do get in contact, be sure to approach BOTH of them together, not just the husband. You could then give them copies of the letters, police report, and any contact info for the officer who took your report. This is an awful situation.

Aquamarine1029 · 27/09/2018 15:30

To add, as another poster said, these letters ARE threatening. They are claiming you have done something which could severely impact your reputation, and they are also threatening the other couple's entire life and relationship. These letters are very threatening.

MiddleClassProblem · 27/09/2018 15:32

Creepy. I’d report it.

Original poster
Cantbelievethis123 · 27/09/2018 15:33

Thanks everyone. I'll give the non emergency number a ring.
In regards to contacting them, I want to let them know about it but I have no idea how. We barely spoke during the time we worked together. I didn't even know he had a wife so don't know her name or who she is. I only have Facebook as social media and a search of his name came up with nothing so I'm assuming he doesn't have it.
But I will keep any reports from the police in case they contact me. I can't see whoever it is sending letters to just me

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FishesaPlenty · 27/09/2018 15:39

Two letters makes it a 'course of conduct' - and if it's caused you 'alarm or distress' that's the legal definition of harassment. You can insist that it's investigated as a serious criminal offence.

glintandglide · 27/09/2018 15:43

I’ve had this and the police didn’t give a shit really, although they initially pretended to. You can’t insist they investigate it and it’s not a serious criminal offence at all.

Buster72 · 27/09/2018 15:55

It is a summary only offence, not at all serious, and unlikely to get more than a cursory investigation.
Still it's a crime and should be reported, you can probably do it online.

ChocolateOrIDie · 27/09/2018 16:38

im hoping you can update us on what this was about when you find out! how very strange and creepy.

Original poster
Cantbelievethis123 · 27/09/2018 16:45

Apparently there's nothing the police will actively do as there is no immediate threat to me. They've logged the complaint and have said to keep the letters as evidence in case I get anymore. If I do or anything else suspicious happens then I have to phone them back

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HolesinTheSoles · 27/09/2018 16:47

I would probably log it with the police just in case it escalates. Obviously they'll probably do nothing at this stage and hopefully that will be the end of it.

HolesinTheSoles · 27/09/2018 16:47

aaaa missed update sorry good move OP!

Original poster
Cantbelievethis123 · 27/09/2018 16:50

They did ask if I felt threatened and the guy was nice enough but I understand it's not really a police matter at the moment. I'm more perplexed than worried. I'm just going to go on the assumption they've got the wrong person

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Aquamarine1029 · 27/09/2018 16:53

You've received two letters addressed to you, and you have a connection to the man mentioned in the letters. This is not a coincidence.

Original poster
Cantbelievethis123 · 27/09/2018 16:55

I wouldn't say a connection. There are hundreds of people where I work. Apart from the odd friendly greeting we never communicated. Oddly my name was not on the envelopes or within the letters. It's very strange

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Meltedicicle · 27/09/2018 16:57

It is an offence actually under the Protection from Harassment Act but it is hard to get anything done about it. I hope you don’t get any further letters OP.

Easynow · 27/09/2018 16:58

Where have they got your address from?

Graphista · 27/09/2018 17:00

It is illegal under the malicious communications act, I suspect as what they're saying isn't true also under libel law.

I agree, 1 you can ignore and put down to arseholery, 2 is a problem. No reason why you can't speak to pcso/101 and discuss if you want investigated, what to do if you receive another or if anything else happens.

They actually are threatening as they threaten to tell his wife! And as its not true, that's potentially putting you in a shit situation where your reputation (including at work!) could be damaged and also destroying his marriage and if you're in a relationship damaging your relationship too!

Nasty stuff - no wonder they're called poison pen letters - and written by cowards too!

As they were posted the police can request a post office trace to at least where they were posted and when which may lead to who's sending them.

Police can probably also get contact details for the man named, not sure if they'd inform him.

Keep the letters AND the envelopes (postmarks, fingerprints etc).

Not surprised at reaction at this point BUT if anything further happens it's useful to be able to have a timeline recorded by the police.

Are you still at same workplace? I wonder if having a word with HR might be useful seeing as it's likely to be a colleague or former colleague doing this.

Are you in a hiring/firing position where a disgruntled ex employee might be doing this? Might give you an idea who.