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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

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68 replies

Cantbelievethis123 · 27/09/2018 14:26

I have received 2 anonymous letters the past month. Both typed but the address has been handwritten. They were posted and had stamps on them.
They are not threatening in nature just saying they know I'm having an affair with a married man (I'm not) and that his wife will find out soon.
Is it worth reporting these to the police? Would they do anything? Is there a way to find out who's sent them? Or should I just ignore and carry on with my life?

OP posts:
FishesaPlenty · 27/09/2018 20:26

Section 8 (3) of www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/1997/40/section/8 if it helps - which defines the offence in Section 1: www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/1997/40/section/1

I don't know if you're trying to make a point I'm not understanding or whether you don't know about the Protection from Harassment Act?

CryingOverSpiltMilk · 27/09/2018 20:32

welshmist How would she have OP's address?

OP, could you get CCTV or some sort of ring doorbell device (one that would record when anyone came to the door, not just ringing the doorbell)?

Original poster
Cantbelievethis123 · 27/09/2018 21:19

@cryingoverspiltmilk I guess I could look into that. Thanks for the suggestion. But at the moment I don't feel the situation warrants that. Plus these letters are stamped so aren't personally being delivered

OP posts:
RudeZebra · 27/09/2018 21:25

As for "nowhere near the threshold" I wasn't aware there was one? As the act stands even one communication is illegal if it's intended to cause distress!

No it's not. The message must be threatening or indecent/offensive.

Any person who sends to another person—(a)a [F1letter, electronic communication or article of any description] which conveys—
(i)a message which is indecent or grossly offensive;
(ii)a threat; or
(iii)information which is false and known or believed to be false by the sender; or
(b)any [F2article or electronic communication] which is, in whole or part, of an indecent or grossly offensive nature,is guilty of an offence if his purpose, or one of his purposes, in sending it is that it should, so far as falling within paragraph (a) or (b) above, cause distress or anxiety to the recipient or to any other person to whom he intends that it or its contents or nature should be communicated

OP describes clearly that the messages were not threatening. It is not an offence under mal comms

glintandglide · 28/09/2018 08:13

Fishesaplenty I don’t understand your point at all. A threashold for WHAT? You just keep quoting definitions. I can only assume you think meeting a definition is the same as meeting a threshold, but they are 2 different things

SmallState · 28/09/2018 10:06

I am wondering if the ex colleagues wife is on a fishing expedition, so is sending letters to flush her OH out?

This is the outcome of people advising each other on here to "do some digging" based on bugger all.

Gersemi · 28/09/2018 10:12

RudeZebra, that section you quote doesn't seem to require the messages to be threatening. It is enough if the letter contains information that is false and known or believed to be false by the sender, if his/her purpose is to cause distress and anxiety. Whether this sender knows or believes the information to be false depends on who it is.

Charlie97 · 28/09/2018 10:17

One I would've ignored, two I'd report!

Poor you

MadeForThis · 28/09/2018 10:36

I would focus on who could have found out your address rather than the content of the letter.

Are you sure work doesn't have it?

Only friends/family?

Electoral role?

Someone has made the effort to send you this twice. I doubt it will stop after 2 letters.

SpottingTheZebras · 28/09/2018 10:41

I’m glad you have reported it and it will give more weight to any concerns you have in the future regarding anything related.

welshmist · 28/09/2018 12:47

SmallState
I am wondering if the ex colleagues wife is on a fishing expedition, so is sending letters to flush her OH out?

This is the outcome of people advising each other on here to "do some digging" based on bugger all.
...................................................................................................................

But that is the state some folk get into when they suspect their partner is cheating... I have seen women go crazy and do all sorts of things on here and in real life. Those letters may have gone out to any woman that he was in contact with or may have mentioned. Perceived Infidelity brings out the loon in many of us.

bellabasset · 28/09/2018 12:55

Would your HR dept write to your former colleague enclosing copies of the letters just to make him aware?. Your name or address need not be disclosed.

SmallState · 28/09/2018 13:44

But that is the state some folk get into when they suspect their partner is cheating... I have seen women go crazy and do all sorts of things on here and in real life. Those letters may have gone out to any woman that he was in contact with or may have mentioned. Perceived Infidelity brings out the loon in many of us. Would you excuse this behaviour in the same way if it was from a man? @welshmist

PawneeParksDept · 28/09/2018 13:59

Given that you haven't spoken to this man in months and he was so insignificant to you that you never even mentioned him to your ex DP, it's one of two things

  1. this mans suspicious DW who has picked you as a possible candidate
  2. Somebody malicious at your work who has gone all Poison Pen

Have you got an understanding HR or Line Manager that you could confide in?

sunshinewithabitofdrizzle · 28/09/2018 16:13

How bizarre. I would definitely speak to HR where you work to let them know this seems to have a work link. They will have the man's details on file still and could contact him if it escalates in any way. It is strange that this person has your address though, especially since you've only recently moved there.

Original poster
Cantbelievethis123 · 28/09/2018 17:35

Do you think it's at all possible that these are not meant for me or are reading my ex colleague? I don't know who lived her before me and my name hasn't been mentioned in the letter. Also his name is very common. Think John Smith. Maybe they're aimed at 2 very different people. I appreciate I'm clutching at straws here

OP posts:
sunshinewithabitofdrizzle · 28/09/2018 18:29

Is there no name on the envelope? Is it just the address? If so that's very odd and you could be right.

Original poster
Cantbelievethis123 · 28/09/2018 19:22

No, no name on the envelope

OP posts:
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