To think some posters just see AIBU as a bloodsport

[Lydiaatthebarre]

Honestly, just seen another thread today where someone posted about something mildly annoying, some posters agreed with her, some didn't. Fair enough.

But a good many of those disagreeing were so unrelentingly nasty and spiteful - way out of proportion to what the poster was complaining about.

I've seen this so many times recently - posters circling around an OP who has made a mildly annoyed comment about something, like an ignorant mob hissing and booing and catcalling until a chastened OP just silently leaves the thread. And of course there's the s added to the end of the nastier comments as if that makes them okay.

I know AIBU has always been known for the 'robustness' of its debates, but some posters seem to lose all sense of decency and maturity on here.

AIBU?

I agree with you wholeheartedly Lydia. It is all too often unbridled, spiteful, baseless cruelty. It’s bullying pure and simple.

If you read some of these comment threads in isolation you would think the question was “AIBU or is genocide cool?”, when the reality is more like “I don’t like Custard Creams AIBU?”.

My favourite line is “I bet OP won’t be coming back because they didn’t hear what they wanted to!”.

Um, how about, no one is obliged to read abuse from strangers on the internet? As - wrongly - entitled as you may feel to bestow it upon them.

Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should, and more people need to think about that when they’re online, here and everywhere.

I asked what I genuinely thought was an interesting question, and nothing serious, on a forum of thoughtful women, but I guess I missed the small print that said by posting I was signing up to star in the next instalment of The Purge 🙄 I tried to stay upbeat and answer further questions initially, but soon realised that what I was actually saying didn’t matter, these individuals were only out to justify their own narrative.

I was so shocked by the nature of some of the responses that I found myself crying in the toilets at work - the people who vilified me will be pleased to hear that, no doubt. I stopped reading and asked MNHQ to remove my post but the request was rejected; I just accepted this in the moment as I was too upset to argue, but I actually think it’s disgraceful to ignore a poster’s wishes like that - it’s essentially condoning the bullying, hiding behind a veneer of ‘respecting that people have taken the time to comment’. Time to comment what? That I’m a c**t? I know many of those comments get removed, and it’s a shame for people who do comment respectfully (and I did have those on my thread too - and kind people who reported some comments), but I believe the overall message is more important here, and the respectful commenters are likely the kind of people who would understand this - I certainly would. Removing my thread wouldn’t have undone the damage, but at least I would’ve known it wasn’t being added to. I didn’t post to give these people an outlet for their nastiness, I’m not a punchbag. You can still do a lot of harm without saying something racist, sexist etc, especially when there’s a mob mentality involved.

I’m not going to come back after commenting, I won’t risk opening myself up to more of the same, I just thought I’d take the opportunity to say my piece, both for myself and anyone else who’s been left shaken and upset for the same reason, because it won’t just be me.

I may be sensitive, naive, old-fashioned or any number of things people may not personally like, but at least I don’t abuse strangers on the internet.

✌🏻

I agree with every word of your post Foxwood. I am also sometimes very surprised at what is allowed to stand on AIBU by MNHQ. I have reported some really disgraceful posts in the past and received message saying that while the post was not in the spirit of MN they hadn't strictly speaking broken any guidelines. It can be very dispiriting.

I do wonder about the mindset of people who come raging onto every thread, itching to put people down in the most insulting way possible for simply having a view on some everyday issue that's different to their own. I'm not talking about OPs who start racist or homophobic threads or anything of that nature. Just ordinary stuff that the OP is interested in getting views on.

By all means tell the OP that you think they're being unreasonable, and point out why. But is there any need to come storming on calling the OP a CF etc. for little or no reason. Are these posters so lacking in any kind of imagination that they fail to realise there is a real person behind the username they're berating and bullying and insulting? Or are they so thuggish and nasty they don't care? Or are they so unhappy and bitter they have a need to drag down everyone else, even complete strangers?

There really are some posters who need to take a long, hard look at themselves. They can excuse it all they like (Oh it's AIBU, posters know what to expect etc.) but they really should ask themselves why they get enjoyment out of seriously upsetting people for little or no reason.

I disagree smallstate, I don't think anyone deserves a roasting.
If you think someone is unreasonable, tell them so and why.
There is no need to stick the knife in.