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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think some posters just see AIBU as a bloodsport

79 replies

Lydiaatthebarre · 27/09/2018 13:32

Honestly, just seen another thread today where someone posted about something mildly annoying, some posters agreed with her, some didn't. Fair enough.

But a good many of those disagreeing were so unrelentingly nasty and spiteful - way out of proportion to what the poster was complaining about.

I've seen this so many times recently - posters circling around an OP who has made a mildly annoyed comment about something, like an ignorant mob hissing and booing and catcalling until a chastened OP just silently leaves the thread. And of course there's the Grins added to the end of the nastier comments as if that makes them okay.

I know AIBU has always been known for the 'robustness' of its debates, but some posters seem to lose all sense of decency and maturity on here.

AIBU?

OP posts:
RachaelGeller · 27/09/2018 15:52

I don’t think you made an error OP. Fission’s post clearly meant you were being unreasonable to start a thread that has been done before. Otherwise the two parts of her post would be complete non sequiturs. I don’t see how anyone could read it any other way.

PavlovaFaith · 27/09/2018 16:45

YANBU
There seems to be a lot of pent up spite and resentment on this site which gets unleashed in a torrent of hate towards others. They can't say these things in RL or they'd probably be arrested so they spit their bile where there are no repercussions.

Princess1066 · 27/09/2018 16:55

RachaelGeller I thought exactly the same Hmm

Polarbearflavour · 27/09/2018 16:57

It’s a bit like Daily Mail comments. People posting such nasty comments when in real life they wouldn’t say boo to a goose.

papayya · 27/09/2018 17:00

Yes, when I first joined I was genuinely shocked at how many awful people are on this site

Mushroomsarehorrible · 27/09/2018 17:06

There are some proper cunts on MN, but they must live v dismal lives to want to spread so much hatred and bile to strangers. I just feel sorry for them, they must be very, very miserable to behave in such a way

PavlovaFaith · 27/09/2018 17:12

Yep ^

Thisgirlcant · 27/09/2018 17:15

I posted something years ago when I was new to mumsnet and the replies nearly sent me over the edge. Seriously you would think I'd drowned my own kitten.
When I post now I'm prepared for the onslaught even if I believe I'm right.

It can get very nasty and as a pp said, the anger when it doesn't affect the person can be shocking.

Celestia26 · 27/09/2018 17:26

I posted this exact point about AIBU on a separate and very sensitive thread. I advised the OP that if they wanted sensitive replies they should post elsewhere, but it didn't go down very well!

ilovesooty · 27/09/2018 17:35

If you see unpleasant posts surely it would be more productive to challenge directly on the thread?
Often when one person does other people support the challenge.

longwayoff · 27/09/2018 19:49

It can be counter productive to post on AIBU if you've got what you feel is a serious issue requiring tact and sympathy and are feeling fragile.

Lilllypod · 27/09/2018 19:52

YANBU. I got horrifically flamed and abused on a thread about being a rape victimConfused it’s really awful on here sometimes. I think people just see it as an outlet and bring others down to make themselves feel better. Even when those people are in sensitive situations. Most users are wonderful thoughSmile

SerenDippyEggs · 27/09/2018 20:54

@Lilllypod that's bloody awful! Some people are made of steaming hot shite. Thanks

TheOxymoron · 27/09/2018 21:25

YANBU

TheOxymoron · 27/09/2018 21:26

Lilllypod
That is terrible. Flowers

Bluelady · 27/09/2018 21:29

Challenging posts can just escalate the situation. There's a whole shitstorm going on another thread at the moment. I'm so grateful I don't know these people irl.

FunSponges · 27/09/2018 21:30

YANBU. I've seen a few utterly twatty comments in the last half an hour. I always call them out on it. There is just no need. I've also often found that once 1 person calls them out, others will follow suit and agree that that poster is out of order.

I would never post a thread in AIBU. There are too many absolute bell ends on here.

Disquieted1 · 27/09/2018 21:32

The vast majority of threads on here are started by people who are not really asking "Am I being unreasonable?" they simply want their opinions echoed back to them.

I agree with the OP 100%.

Didsomeonesaybunny · 27/09/2018 21:55

YANBU - I agree with you. I do think that the nasties are in the minority but there are some horrendously vicious and nasty people on this site. A shame really because it can deter some people from ever coming back and getting the advice they really need. You certainly need thick skin to withstand some of the bullshit on here.

On one thread where I dared to give an opinion on Welsh schooling I was branded Katie Hopkins, the ridiculousness of it made me chuckle.

Original poster
Lydiaatthebarre · 01/10/2018 07:46

I do try and call out nastiness when I see it, but I'm surprised at how few posters do. Often an OP will be getting nasty post after nasty post and it's page 3 or 4 before anyone dissents.

I often wonder what kind of mothers these spiteful posters are. Do they ever stop and think "would I be happy for my child to see how I've just spoken to someone"? or " how would I feel if I heard my child taunting someone like that in the playground? "

OP posts:
MrsReacher1 · 01/10/2018 07:58

Everyone - or almost everyone agrees with you - which is what I am sure you expected when you started the thread. If someone does not - as Frisson didn't appear to - that is considered nasty.

The speed of posting and the need for no more than a paragraph or two means people condense their views - the consequence is that both YABU and YANBU opinions tend to extremism. This in turn leads to escalation - as we have just seen above.

I don't think people are particularly nasty - it is the form that dictates the responses rather than the mindset of the people.

Since many of the threads are about things that people DID NOT say/do in response to being hurt by others it would be fair to conclude that actually in REAL LIFE they are the opposite of nasty.

Original poster
Lydiaatthebarre · 01/10/2018 10:47

I think that's rather unfair MrsReacher. No one accused Frisson of being nasty.

I am talking about the posters who insult and abuse other posters, make personal comments, deliberately misinterpret opening posts, use foul language and verbally beat the OP up over something fairly innocuous.

It is not about posters disagreeing with each other, it is about the way some posters see fit to do so and think that, because it's AIBU thuggish and bullying responses and sneery ganging up are okay.

OP posts:
SmallState · 01/10/2018 11:07

Most people deserve the roasting they get, it's a learning experience.

derxa · 01/10/2018 11:19

It's all catastrophising and hyperbole. Ignore.

Original poster
Lydiaatthebarre · 01/10/2018 15:08

Yes Smallstate I've just been reading a thread where you've demonstrated exactly what I've been talking about - but luckily were called out over and over by other posters and had most of your posts removed by MNHQ.

OP posts: