To wonder if a man with slim exes would ever find a bigger woman attractive? Eager for male responses!

[UserGazillion]

I'm size 20 bottom and 18 top, pear shaped curvy with a relatively flat Mum Tum but with a muffin top which I try to hide, bra strap bulge etc. A guy I see occasionally has mostly had slim girlfriends size 8/10 apart from the mother of his child who was more a 12-14 and went to about an 18 after having their child and then lost the excess again.

He connected with me on social media but I can see why he would add me without being interested (business, career etc.). I locked eyes with him once inna social situation where there were around 20 people and it lasted that split second longer than normal and I wondered if he knew I was into him so felt embarrassed, but also felt like his gaze had lingered a bit too!!

Crush aside, I am working on losing weight and am naturally around a 14 but on a healthy lifestyle plan to get in the best shape I've ever been.

My ex was 'boyfriend goals' and would always tell me how I was naturally beautiful, how I was looking sexy and how I could have any man I wanted. This was throughout our ten year relationship and wether I was slimmer or larger. He is a fit attractive man, we are friends and I ended it so I am not rebounding if anyone thinks that! He was good to me but my self esteem never got better and even at a size 20 he would say this and I would think he was just patronising me to get laid later...

So, men (and women who want to answer!), have any of you had slim girlfriends mostly but still see a larger lady and find her attractive? Do you ever think 'pretty girl, shame about the body'?

I accept that there is an electrician of personal preference too and that noone can say what this other guy is thinking.

And be honest, I can handle it!

It’s difficult to know. I think a guy will love someone at any size (I started as a size 8 and due to illness currently a 14) but you have to have the attraction initially which often starts off with someone’s looks.

There are loads of woman who are a size 20 and are very attractive but also some that aren’t but that isn’t limited to a size 20. It’s the same at any size. Key factor is dressing well for the size you are. Don’t kid yourself you are a size smaller (not saying you are) as it usually makes you look bigger.

I do find though that people have ‘set attractions’ though. I don’t personally find really muscly guys attractive but that isn’t because they don’t look good, it’s because it’s not what I look for.

Is there any way to initiate more contact with him so you can get to know him more?

It's hard to say. Everyone has different tastes as they change and get older.
I had a crush when I was 16 who kept emphasising he only liked really skinny girls (I was a size 12 to 14 but looked quite good) I decided he definitely wasn't the one for me if he couldn't stop thinking about size and how important it is.
DH loved me at a size 12 and now a size 22 (I wish i was better at being healthy).
Try getting to know him better and seeing if you can tell from his personality and then you should also have a better read if he's in to you.
But you sound insecure, if your ex kept telling you nice things but you assumed they were for sex and you're already comparing your self to new crushes exes you probably need to work on your self esteem (I get it, I need to work on mine!).
But if you do have something you don't want to ruin it comparing yourself to his exes all the time. It's a recipe for disaster.

People generally get bigger as they get older so it is often inevitable that exes will be slimmer. I will be that slim ex to some ex boyfriends (was a size 8/10). Now I'm around a size 14/16 but in my mid 40's so nothing out of the ordinary there.

I'm not sure why you are wondering about this, if I'm being honest.

If he's into you - you will know about it, regardless of what size you are.

The most important thing is that you are into yourself and you value yourself for who you are. Valuing your health and wanting to be a healthy weight is great, as long as it comes from a place of self-love and not punitive self-hatred and a desire to be slim for other people.

You have to love yourself first! Margo gets off soapbox but also wishes that someone had told her this a very long time ago.

It definitely can happen. I've been attracted to slim women, curvy women and every body in between. Even in circumstances where there was very little initial physical attraction I've found myself caught up by the right smile, nice eyes or a dark and filthy sense of humour.

Men can have preferences, same as anyone, but who knows for sure? He won't, certainly, until/unless he gets to know you better.

I think that attraction is a dark alchemical art and there is little way of knowing exactly how another person will respond to you. It may be that he only has eyes for slim women, or that some other element was the critical factor and the exes being svelte was coincidence. I can only speak for myself and say that I wouldn't be fussed about the dimensions you've described unless the individual was odious in some other undisclosed fashion. I have been attracted to women from all across the physical spectrum during my time, and in fact prefer curves to an athletic build. You're just going to have to be brave and direct I'm afraid, OP.

I think that everyone has a type and everyone has limits. For example my type is fit and muscular but with a bit of a belly. I will happily date men who are a little pudgy/not that fit or super fit/a bit lean. But I can't really stomach men who are skinny or overweight (I don't mean a bit thin or a bit fat I mean unhealthily bony or obese or what have you). It different when you are attracted because you love someone but when it's a question of pure physical attraction it's impossible to say how big someone's 'range' is.

Nobody can answer this for you but the individual himself!

I think you're putting entirely too much thought into this. Are all your exes very similar in appearance? Or do you have a wide range of heights, colouring, builds etc?
I'm a size 16 and have dated men who I know have slim exes and fat exes and in between exes. If a man fancies you they fancy you. Their exes don't factor.

All my DH's exes are slim and petite. I'm 5'8" and when I met him I was a size 24 (am an 18-20 now). It was love at first sight. His most recent ex couldn't believe he'd ended up with a "fat girl" but he loves and wants me inside and out.

I think when it's the right person, size and shape really doesn't matter.

I was nearly put off dating my now-partner because his ex was a size six with huge (fake) boobs who always wore lots of make-up and tight clothes. I am 12-14, very casual, mostly live in jeans and rarely wear make-up so I presumed I was not his type, turned out I was completely wrong and we are very happy together.

So my advice is be wary of judging a man by his ex-partners and just remember those relationships failed too! Hopefully he will make it clear to you how he feels before too long.

Honestly, I really don’t think men care as much as you think they do.

You just see yourself as defined by your size. No one else does.

My hsuvsnd and I split for a while, I am a size 18-20 and he went out wirh slim gorgeous women for a short time then came back to me because we get on so well and honestly that’s the main thing

Size doesn’t always matter, I don’t want to go into details too much. But I have had men choose me over slimmer women. I think it had a lot to do with the care taken in appearance, personality, general ability to get on with someone.

Whilst he may not go for bigger women, he may be in awe of you and your body so try not to worry about what bearing your size might have when you have no idea what’s going on in his head.

Obviously am a woman, but I’ve been with all shapes and sizes, my favourite is my husband, who hates his body, but i don’t look at him in comparison and think of the ripped men I slept with years ago, I look at his body and see it as beautiful. It’s his. The body I cuddle up to every single night and wouldn’t change for the world

My husband had always had girlfriends who were petite size 8-10 before he met me when I was a size 16 and 5ft11 (3 inches taller than him). I got down to a 14 before our wedding and am now an 18 since having our daughter. I honestly think if you have a connection with someone size doesn't really matter. I know he's always loved me and still finds me attractive.

Hmm. It's a difficult one. I have known a few men who have ben hung up about women's size and would never go out with a woman who was more than a size 12 but mainly it's because they have self esteem issues and therefore need their girlfriend to be 'perfect' in the eyes of other people. Interestingly they are still single. If there's chemistry going on - size really doesn't matter I think.

What an odd post op.

I also find it weird you didn't accept your 'boyfriend goals' comments about you because you assumed he just wanted to get laid... which would imply he was being truthful anyway even if they were just to get laid.

(No one wants to shag someone they dont fancy unless they get paid for it afaik.)

I just want to reiterate this :

The most important thing is that you are into yourself and you value yourself for who you are. Valuing your health and wanting to be a healthy weight is great, as long as it comes from a place of self-love and not punitive self-hatred and a desire to be slim for other people

Ultimately OP what matters most is how you see yourself.

Also I'm a size 18, I have had more male attention at an 18 than I have any other size ever. And I am talking HOT men, not just 'dodgy dave down the weathers'

I am sick of reading "slim and gorgeous" in contrast to larger sizes. Slim does not necessarily equate to gorgeous. Larger doesn't necessarily equate with frumpy. I am just sick of the bashing these causal remarks can give to someone's self esteem.

I think it varies so much with people. I know guys that are strictly into big women and some that prefer small.

My DH was able to look past my appearance as most people are.

I'm a size 24 and in a wheelchair. His exes have been approximately size 8-10 and able bodied. DH is very tall and very slim, whereas I am short and round.

If someone likes you, they like you and size won't matter.

Most guys I know are not hung up on ladies' size.

I think advertisers/media are more at fault here for creating this impression that all men want slim women.

However, there are definitely some guys that are overly picky (just like I expect there are similar women). I think if you don't capture the attention of people like this, you are probably better off anyway.

Read the beginning of Roald Dahl's The Witches! It much more eloquently articulates my feelings on this than I can manage!

I've only ever dated slim women, but I find some bigger women attractive.

Size has never been a determining, nor deterring factor for me. Similarly, age. My wife was slim, with a good figure. My girlfriends before her spanned a wide range of size, height, hair colour and career. The one thing most had in common was a sense of humour, which in turn meant ( for me) a good personality. I tend to find women more attractive as they get a little older, possibly because experience gives a broader overview and depth to the personality.
Either that, or I'm so pleased that someone will go out with me😊

Can't speak for anyone else, but I've had boyfriends weighing from 9 stone wet through skinny, to my husband who was 19st when I met him. Fancied them all. Equally, had boyfriends from 5 ft 2 to 6 ft 7.