To wonder if a man with slim exes would ever find a bigger woman attractive? Eager for male responses!

[UserGazillion]

I'm size 20 bottom and 18 top, pear shaped curvy with a relatively flat Mum Tum but with a muffin top which I try to hide, bra strap bulge etc. A guy I see occasionally has mostly had slim girlfriends size 8/10 apart from the mother of his child who was more a 12-14 and went to about an 18 after having their child and then lost the excess again.

He connected with me on social media but I can see why he would add me without being interested (business, career etc.). I locked eyes with him once inna social situation where there were around 20 people and it lasted that split second longer than normal and I wondered if he knew I was into him so felt embarrassed, but also felt like his gaze had lingered a bit too!!

Crush aside, I am working on losing weight and am naturally around a 14 but on a healthy lifestyle plan to get in the best shape I've ever been.

My ex was 'boyfriend goals' and would always tell me how I was naturally beautiful, how I was looking sexy and how I could have any man I wanted. This was throughout our ten year relationship and wether I was slimmer or larger. He is a fit attractive man, we are friends and I ended it so I am not rebounding if anyone thinks that! He was good to me but my self esteem never got better and even at a size 20 he would say this and I would think he was just patronising me to get laid later...

So, men (and women who want to answer!), have any of you had slim girlfriends mostly but still see a larger lady and find her attractive? Do you ever think 'pretty girl, shame about the body'?

I accept that there is an electrician of personal preference too and that noone can say what this other guy is thinking.


And be honest, I can handle it!

[sunshinewithabitofdrizzle]

My exh always had skinny girlfriends before he met me. I was a slim size 10/12 when he met me (I was only 18 at the time) and over the years I put on weight and he hated it. He'd comment all the time about my weight and say things like "I love you but I'd love you more if there was less of you." He had 2 affairs (that I know of), both skinny women and the 2nd one he ultimately left me for and they're still together. She has a body like a prepubescent boy, no boobs or hips. Whereas I've always been more hourglass, even when slim, with both large hips and boobs. He obviously liked a straight up and down figure more than mine and left.

[Itsnotabingthingisit]

Man here!..

I love a woman with a bit of ' timber' on her!

It's really not true that men prefer slim or sporty women. They are often arrogant and self obsessed.

As long as someone looks after heir general appearance ( not unkempt , IYSWIM) then they can look very attractive no matter what size.

I'm a bigger man, and I think as long as I don't try and squeeze myself into outfits and styles that don't suite me..dress my weight if you will - then I can look quite decent.

[Botanicbaby]

Imagine a man posting this same query. Sigh.

Yer size doesn’t matter, just smile a lot. And don’t give him any grief. He’ll love you then!

[Catscakeandchocolate]

I am v slim (size 4/6) and ex BFs DW is a size 26. I dont know her that well but she is funny, outgoing, friendly, bubbly and confident. Size is only one determination of attractiveness.

[ems137]

I don't think most men care too much about size.

I have had relationships with men of all shapes and sizes. From the super skinny to my now DH who is around 20 stone. I obviously realise he is overweight but it's an observation that bothers me about as much as what colour shoes he wears. I assume men will think the same way.

[Branleuse]

My partner had an almost anorexic ex wife. Im more average sized and my weight has fluctuated massively and been an 18 at one point and its never seemed to affect his desire for me. I dont think men are as fickle or shallow as often assumed tbh

[overagain]

I'm not male, but one of my best friends is. His significant ex was a size 10. But other than her he has only dated very large women (size 20+) and has stated that his ex was an anomaly in his 'type'. his current GF is very large and he says he finds her very attractive (physically and other).

So yes, it is possible.

[Rafflesway]

Sorry not a man but the following may help a little.

Many years ago I was engaged to a very handsome, slim guy.

I was also a very slim size 10 and took really good care of myself.

We were together for 6 years but he cheated several times. Could really have anyone he wanted. I finally dumped him and thankfully met my wonderful DH 2 years later.

However, several years later, ex went on to marry a very plain looking lady who was at least size 18. They have been married for over 25 years now and have 2 DD's who are both larger ladies. When I was with him, he was Uber critical of anyone over size 12 🤔.

This lady obviously tamed him as he seems to adore his family and he took HER surname when they married. (He hasn't worn very well though 😂). Obviously nothing to do with size! When it's right it just is!

[Dychmygol]

Not the audience you were asking for but...all of DH's previous girlfriends before me were slim and glamourous. Neither term could be applied to me. In fact his sister on first meeting me actually asked him what he could possibly see in someone like me!

We've been together 2 decades now so if my size and lack of glamour was a problem I'm sure I'd have discovered it by now. Also his sister is mortified that she said such a vacuous thing and that I know about it we get on perfectly well now.

[EndeavourVoyage]

I think most people worth their salt would look beyond asthetics when engaging with someone. You are more that your clothes size, your muffin top and bra bulge. I would spend some time on your self esteem and stop thinking that you are a product to be admired for what you look like. Sorry if this sound harsh but your post really is quite sad.

[Emma765]

Can't speak for anyone else, but I've had boyfriends weighing from 9 stone wet through skinny, to my husband who was 19st when I met him. Fancied them all. Equally, had boyfriends from 5 ft 2 to 6 ft 7.

[Onesmallstepforaman]

Size has never been a determining, nor deterring factor for me. Similarly, age. My wife was slim, with a good figure. My girlfriends before her spanned a wide range of size, height, hair colour and career. The one thing most had in common was a sense of humour, which in turn meant ( for me) a good personality. I tend to find women more attractive as they get a little older, possibly because experience gives a broader overview and depth to the personality.
Either that, or I'm so pleased that someone will go out with me😊

[BadLad]

I've only ever dated slim women, but I find some bigger women attractive.

[DiscontinuedModelHusband]

Most guys I know are not hung up on ladies' size.

I think advertisers/media are more at fault here for creating this impression that all men want slim women.

However, there are definitely some guys that are overly picky (just like I expect there are similar women). I think if you don't capture the attention of people like this, you are probably better off anyway.

Read the beginning of Roald Dahl's The Witches! It much more eloquently articulates my feelings on this than I can manage!

[ProfessorMoody]

My DH was able to look past my appearance as most people are.

I'm a size 24 and in a wheelchair. His exes have been approximately size 8-10 and able bodied. DH is very tall and very slim, whereas I am short and round.

If someone likes you, they like you and size won't matter.

[Moominfan]

I think it varies so much with people. I know guys that are strictly into big women and some that prefer small.

[Liverbird77]

I am sick of reading "slim and gorgeous" in contrast to larger sizes. Slim does not necessarily equate to gorgeous. Larger doesn't necessarily equate with frumpy. I am just sick of the bashing these causal remarks can give to someone's self esteem.

[AlphaBravo]

Also I'm a size 18, I have had more male attention at an 18 than I have any other size ever. And I am talking HOT men, not just 'dodgy dave down the weathers'

[UnderHerEye]

I just want to reiterate this :

The most important thing is that you are into yourself and you value yourself for who you are. Valuing your health and wanting to be a healthy weight is great, as long as it comes from a place of self-love and not punitive self-hatred and a desire to be slim for other people

Ultimately OP what matters most is how you see yourself.

[AlphaBravo]

What an odd post op.

I also find it weird you didn't accept your 'boyfriend goals' comments about you because you assumed he just wanted to get laid... which would imply he was being truthful anyway even if they were just to get laid.

(No one wants to shag someone they dont fancy unless they get paid for it afaik.)

[roundturnandtwohalfhitches]

Hmm. It's a difficult one. I have known a few men who have ben hung up about women's size and would never go out with a woman who was more than a size 12 but mainly it's because they have self esteem issues and therefore need their girlfriend to be 'perfect' in the eyes of other people. Interestingly they are still single. If there's chemistry going on - size really doesn't matter I think.

[GMtoBe]

My husband had always had girlfriends who were petite size 8-10 before he met me when I was a size 16 and 5ft11 (3 inches taller than him). I got down to a 14 before our wedding and am now an 18 since having our daughter. I honestly think if you have a connection with someone size doesn't really matter. I know he's always loved me and still finds me attractive.

[hungryhippo90]

Size doesn’t always matter, I don’t want to go into details too much. But I have had men choose me over slimmer women. I think it had a lot to do with the care taken in appearance, personality, general ability to get on with someone.

Whilst he may not go for bigger women, he may be in awe of you and your body so try not to worry about what bearing your size might have when you have no idea what’s going on in his head.

Obviously am a woman, but I’ve been with all shapes and sizes, my favourite is my husband, who hates his body, but i don’t look at him in comparison and think of the ripped men I slept with years ago, I look at his body and see it as beautiful. It’s his. The body I cuddle up to every single night and wouldn’t change for the world

[CantankerousCamel]

Honestly, I really don’t think men care as much as you think they do.

You just see yourself as defined by your size. No one else does.

My hsuvsnd and I split for a while, I am a size 18-20 and he went out wirh slim gorgeous women for a short time then came back to me because we get on so well and honestly that’s the main thing

[Darkstar4855]

I was nearly put off dating my now-partner because his ex was a size six with huge (fake) boobs who always wore lots of make-up and tight clothes. I am 12-14, very casual, mostly live in jeans and rarely wear make-up so I presumed I was not his type, turned out I was completely wrong and we are very happy together.

So my advice is be wary of judging a man by his ex-partners and just remember those relationships failed too! Hopefully he will make it clear to you how he feels before too long.