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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have done this in a play area.......

70 replies

aManForAllReasons · 26/09/2018 10:38

At a big, busy play area a few weeks ago with my 6yo DC when a distressed younger child (approx 3yo) came up to us, bawling their eyes out saying they'd lost their Mummy.

I comforted the child, had a good look around our immediate vicinity then took the child by the hand and went looking for their Mum. We found her quite quickly as she was looking for her child having become separated.

I thought no more about it until reading a thread on here where lots of people were saying under no circumstances should you ever touch a stranger's child. I thought, as adults, we have a collective responsibility for the safety and wellbeing of children.

What would you have done?

OP posts:
blamethecat · 26/09/2018 10:39

The same as you.

Yokohamajojo · 26/09/2018 10:41

Same as you definitely!

Myusernameisunique · 26/09/2018 10:42

The same as you! Wouldn't occur to me to do anything else.

ChangerChangerson · 26/09/2018 10:43

I don't see anything wrong with holding a child's hand to assist them (in this case to find their parent).

bushtailadventures · 26/09/2018 10:43

Same as you, can't imagine ever not comforting a distressed child and helping them look.

IfIWasABirdIdFlyIn2ACeilingFan · 26/09/2018 10:43

The same as you, and that includes the worrying afterwards that I’d done the wrong thing!

SpikyCactus · 26/09/2018 10:45

Touching a child to keep them safe and lead them by the hand to their mum is totally different to touching a child to discipline them and restrain them. It’s not your place to discipline someone else’s child.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 26/09/2018 10:48

Op your thread is a completely different of fish. The thread you're talking about the op ran up the slide like a bloody ninja when mum was already on here way to deal with him. You were helping a distressed child to find their mummy.

3boysandabump · 26/09/2018 10:49

I would have done the same as you.

Branleuse · 26/09/2018 10:50

you took a crying child to find her mummy. What else were you supposed to do. You didnt tell her off, you didnt hit her, and you didnt bundle her into a van. Im not sure what the problem is

LoveAGoodChat · 26/09/2018 10:52

By play area do you mean an outside park or one of those indoor soft play areas with ball pools, slides , trampolines etc?...If it's the inside one I'd probably take the child to a member of staff and ask of they can help the child as he/she has got separated from their mum...if it was the outdoor play area I would probably get the child to calm down and get them to stand still and look around to see if they could spot their mum, id also ask other parents and kids if they had seen the child's mum (so if the mum asks around she knows the child is also looking for her)

lizzzyyliveson · 26/09/2018 11:00

I think you should be careful how far you take a child away from the spot where they are 'lost' because the parent will presumably be coming back to that place. But yes, you should intervene and comfort a crying child. For your own protection, call out to others and get someone else to accompany you or call the police to report what you are doing.

Rebecca36 · 26/09/2018 11:02

I would have done the same as you. If you'd been with another adult you could have left the child with them and your child while you went looking, but you weren't. It is difficult but you did exactly the right thing, under the circumstances I don't see how you could have done differently.

Hoppinggreen · 26/09/2018 11:03

I might take a child’s hand to comfort them but probably not to lead them unless they were in imminent danger
When my dc were small they were told to stay still if they got lost and I would find them.
However, I don’t think you did anything wrong

StacksOfBoxes · 26/09/2018 11:07

I'd have done the same as you (and have done, many times). A crying child needs comfort, and help to find their mummy. Also, if you have the child's best interests at heart, you are protecting that child from people who might not be so altruistic.

It's a good plan to stay in the same place you found the child, and to alert staff as soon as possible.

DayManChampionOfTheSun · 26/09/2018 11:09

I did exactly the same as you when I worked in a high street shop. A child came in crying, they had lost their mum. I held his hand and stood at the entrance with him until she came up the street. He had walked off in a different store and she was frantically trying to find him. All she did was thank me and was relieved he was okay.

My boss went absolutely ballistic and said I should have stood there but not held his hand. My argument of "well what if he wandered off again?" fell of deaf ears.

Geraldine170 · 26/09/2018 11:09

I would have done the same as you. A little boy got under my feet the other day and fell over so I picked him up and put my hand on his back to comfort him. Don’t think anyone minded!

The only thing

WhatWouldLeslieKnopeDo · 26/09/2018 11:10

I would probably have stood still with the child and waited for their mum to find us. And asked the child what their mum looked like so I could try and attract her attention. But I don't think you did anything wrong. It doesn't sound like the mum thought that either :)

meetthewildes · 26/09/2018 11:11

I have two three-year-olds, and a couple of two-year-olds as well. I can't tell you how grateful I'd be if somebody comforted my frightened child and tried to reunite them with me. I'm actually tearing up just thinking about it.

Yes, please take my child's hand. If they would clearly welcome being picked up and cuddles, pick them up and cuddle them. They're just vulnerable babies. I'll never not be grateful to somebody who helps keep them safe.

AnotherPidgey · 26/09/2018 11:13

You acted kindly.

I've had the DCs at some pretty huge play areas and they can go out of sight and drift off so easily. There was one we could only do on a 1:1 until my youngest was 4.

I've always appreciated people treating my DCs with kindness.

Aeroflotgirl · 26/09/2018 11:15

Same as you, we all have a duty to protect little ones. I think of James Bulger, and the number of people who saw him distressed with those boys and diden't intervene, maybe if they had, he would be alive today. Not that this is that situation, but if i am out and I see a little one on their own, I will try and help them, not leave them there, I hope that someone will do the same for me and my kids. Ds 6 likes getting lost, he has become lost a couple of times at Cadbury World when he was younger, thank goodness somebody like you were there to hand him in.

KlutzyDraconequus · 26/09/2018 11:15

I'd have done the same as you op.
I didn't even realise it was an issue tbh. I've helped random kids in playgrounds in to swings, off swings, on and off round abouts etc etc .. never even thought it'd be seen as a no no.
(I should add I was in the playgrounds with my daughter.. not just randomly hanging around, that'd be weird..)

Namelessinseattle · 26/09/2018 11:15

I think the main thing in the other thread was the woman in question was restraining the child whilst their mom was there.

BarbarianMum · 26/09/2018 11:16

Id have stood still w the child (or taken them to a member of staff if it's that sort of play area). And yes Id have held their hand and comforted them. Id also have stopped them leaving the play area to look for their mum if necessary (once had to grab a hysterical little boy who was running round a busy car park looking for mummy).

CuriousaboutSamphire · 26/09/2018 11:17

I found a child sobbing in Tesco. Security guard tried but the child cried harder. I approached and the child calmed a bit and took my hand.

As I stood and as the security guard was saying thanks, the mum arrived, screamed at me, screamed at the child and stormed out. The security guard followed her and spoke to her, made sure the kids was hers I assume.

He came back to me and just shrugged, we both assumed she was scared, or the kid had form for running and she was beyond exasperated.

It doesn't matter, I'd do exactly the same again, not least because scared kids find comfort in a hand hold.

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