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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU MIL cut DD hair

69 replies

ohcecelia · 26/09/2018 07:37

DD is three, she has the same bird nest hair as me - wakes up every morning with it all over the place. About 6 months ago we had a fringe cut in and it was awful, every morning it would be stuck up all over the place, having to wet it and blow dry it down.

Since then we've been growing it out - using clips to keep it to the side, etc. DD comes home from MIL's last night with a fringe cut in. I haven't said anything because she has cut her fringe in the past (when she actually had one cut in) but I would have thought it would have been bloomin' obvious that now it's cheek level and being put in clips to keep out of her face that we didn't want one cut back in!

Would you be annoyed or am I overreacting?

OP posts:

MsJolly · 26/09/2018 07:39

I'd be pissed-& would tell her calmly that we are growing it out and please don't cut it again!

CallingDannyBoy · 26/09/2018 07:39

I’d be annoyed but just mention that you are growing it out so not to cut it again.

donkeyTAxi · 26/09/2018 07:39

I would have been annoyed!

I wouldn't start an argument about it mind, but I would have said "Oh MIL! We're trying to grow the fringe out!" 😆

It's hard enough trying to grown one out as an adult, let alone at the rate a small child's hair grows!

SpikyCactus · 26/09/2018 07:40

YANBU. Tell your MIL not to cut your child’s hair again without your permission.

PippilottaLongstocking · 26/09/2018 07:41

You aren’t overreacting at all and you should definitely say something about it or she’ll just do it again next time you try to grow it out!

Josiebloggs · 26/09/2018 07:42

I would be furious if my mum or MIL took it upon themselves to cut my childs hair. If shes done it before though she probably thinks she is entitled too now. You need to set her straight that it isn't acceptable without checking with you.

ThanosSavedMe · 26/09/2018 07:42

It was not your mil place to cut your daughters hair. I would have definitely asked her what the he’ll do you think you’re dioing?

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 26/09/2018 07:43

Did she definitely know you were growing it out? If she's cut it before this makes a difference to whether I would go mad tbh.

NonaGrey · 26/09/2018 07:47

I would be angry. As Thanos says, not her place.

I wouldn’t start WW3 but I’s Be saying quietly and firmly that she is not to cut her hair ever again.

There are things to let go, but this isn’t one of them IMO.

Aprilshowersnowastorm · 26/09/2018 07:51

Someone I know let her dd go to a sleepover - about 10yo, few girls, turns out one of them had nits so the dm treated all the girls with Hedrin and gave them all a trim - she is a hairdresser but still!! !!

Original poster

ohcecelia · 26/09/2018 07:52

I didn't tell her we were growing it out, it just never really came up in conversation. I just would have thought it was obvious considering how long we've been putting it in clips so it stays out of her face, it's been 4-5 months now.

OP posts:

thecatsthecats · 26/09/2018 07:54

Reading the title I thought I would be firmly on the side of YANBU, but it sounds more like a misunderstanding than anything.

If she's cut her hair in the past and wasn't told you were growing it out (I don't think it's 100% obvious - you might just not have got around to doing it but you'd still have to clip it out of her eyes), then she probably just thought you hadn't got around to it.

She still ought to have asked, but this isn't the end of the world and doesn't appear malicious, so I'd quietly ask that she doesn't do it again.

Original poster

ohcecelia · 26/09/2018 08:01

thecatsthecats I agree. I don't have a good relationship with MIL which is why I think it's bothering me, plus I have a fringe that I regularly cut myself (which she does know) so if I'd have wanted DD to have a fringe too id have just done it myself.

I'll just let her know next time i see her were trying to grow it.

OP posts:

Missingstreetlife · 26/09/2018 08:02

Did your child want her hair cut! Mil should have spoken to you first.

cakecakecheese · 26/09/2018 08:08

I think she probably thought she was helping, seeing as she's done it before and maybe she thought the clips were to keep it out the way til it was cut? I can see why you're miffed though as it wouldn't have been better for her to check first. I agree a quiet word politely put is probably the way to go unless she has a habit of overstepping the mark.

cakecakecheese · 26/09/2018 08:11

I've just seen your update, if you're not a fan of hers then obviously it's going to irk you more and I think you've done well not to go in all guns blazing actually.

GetOnYerBike · 26/09/2018 08:29

I would tell her never to cut your child's hair again. It is your responsibility as her parent to decide when to cut it not hers. Actually it wouldn't be me telling her it would be Dh. His circus, his monkeys.

springydaff · 26/09/2018 08:46

would tell her never to cut your child's hair again. It is your responsibility as her parent to decide when to cut it not hers. Actually it wouldn't be me telling her it would be Dh. His circus, his monkeys.

This.

I'm not surprised you don't get on with her. I don't think it was a misunderstanding. She just wanted a fringe so she cut it.

this is a big deal. In eg fostering situations the foster carers can't cut the kids hair without the permission of the parent. It's a very big deal.

Jamiefraserskilt · 26/09/2018 08:52

My in-laws always have something to say about my lads hair and would have it cut to number 2 if they could. Their hair is between us as parents and them as our kids.I would not be happy if anyone cut their hair without speaking to me first.

Josiebloggs · 26/09/2018 08:55

If you don't get on let DH deal with it. He can say it was growing it out and tell her not to do it again. If your MIL is a bit tocic and entitled anyway she will spin it to make you look bad.

Josiebloggs · 26/09/2018 08:56

Toxic not tocic

NonaGrey · 26/09/2018 08:57

I don't have a good relationship with MIL which is why I think it's bothering me

I’m very close to my Mum and I’d be furious if she ever cut my DC’s hair.

Regardless of your relationship this is well over the line if acceptable behaviour.

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 26/09/2018 09:00

When she cut your DD’s hair in the past what did you do? That would have been to time to mention it. If this is a symptom of your MIL overstepping you need to deal with it at the time - nicely of course, no need for a confrontation. If on the other hand she is generally a lovely grandma and it was just an misunderstanding then I agree best to mention you are growing it out so no cutting in future. Tbh, she may well have thought she was doing you a favour and that the hair clips were a temporary measure as you hadn’t had time to do it yourself.

Nanny0gg · 26/09/2018 09:10

She should have asked first!

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 26/09/2018 09:12

I think the fact that she has cut it in the past makes it kind of understandable. I would spell out to her that you are growing it out, and leave it at that - she probably just thought you hadn't got around to it.

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