AIBU MIL cut DD hair

[ohcecelia]

DD is three, she has the same bird nest hair as me - wakes up every morning with it all over the place. About 6 months ago we had a fringe cut in and it was awful, every morning it would be stuck up all over the place, having to wet it and blow dry it down.

Since then we've been growing it out - using clips to keep it to the side, etc. DD comes home from MIL's last night with a fringe cut in. I haven't said anything because she has cut her fringe in the past (when she actually had one cut in) but I would have thought it would have been bloomin' obvious that now it's cheek level and being put in clips to keep out of her face that we didn't want one cut back in!

Would you be annoyed or am I overreacting?

"I don't understand why people think it's OK to cut other people's children's hair without mentioning it first."
It isn't. Obviously. But if you have done it before, and have not been told to not to do it, and see that it needs doing, then why wouldn't you? There are plenty to of hair cutting stories that are truly outrageous. But this isn't one of them.

YABU. My MIL did exactly this when my DD was small. In my case the hair thing was one of many examples of her overstepping the boundaries and wanting control.

Doesn't matter whether MIL knew about the growing out or not. She has no business cutting hair ffs.

I must remember to jump on every boundary issue the very first time it happens as it's clear that if you don't, it passes into the realm of 'perfectly acceptable because you didn't have a problem with it before'. Bang goes any incentive for holding my tongue and trying to get along.

Why wait for something you don't like to happen again?

Thanks for all the responses. I will get DH to let her know next time she goes round that we were growing it out.

When I say I don't have a good relationship with my MIL, really we have no relationship, so no hair talk comes up because I don't talk to her. We had a disagreement a while ago, she called me every name under the sun and threatened to have me beaten up (?!) so I no longer speak to her. DH and I disagree on whether she's a good role model for for DD quite regularly.

The phrase 'his circus his monkeys' was pretty spot on. I'll let him deal with it

That said, the first time she cut her hair, I didn't mind. Because we were cutting her in a fringe, so it was just a little trim. So I haven't said anything because perhaps she thought it would be the same again, but to me it's obvious we've been growing it out when it's past her eyes

Your history with MIL aside (!) I think it was a bit shortsighted of you to not expect her to trim DDs long fringe when she'd cut it before. Probably would have been best for DH to mention it. How old is DD?

Never mind the hair, after your mil' s threats, I would not let my child anywhere near her!

And your DH thinks it's a good idea for her to have contact with your child???

The haircut is the least of the issues.

i wouldnt be happy with ANYONE cutting my childs hair without asking. Just as I wouldnt cut anyone elses hair (even their pets hair) without asking.

I would bring it up and just explain you are capable of sorting her hair cuts.

My ex MIL did this to dd. She always cut her son's and husbands hair so had a go at dd's in the same way. Her fringe started right on top of her head as you might brush a boys hair forward. Omg I could have killed her. Dd looked ridiculous and it took literally years to get the fringe to start in the right place again and thd rest of her hair back to the right length.

If she threatened to have you beaten up, why are you fading round with hair, ffs. What did the police say about it?

No you aren’t overreacting. DGD is the same age as your DD. She has long hair and is like a sheepdog if it’s not clipped or tied off her face. I would never dream of cutting a fringe into her hair. She’s not my child and what her hair is like is up
to my DD and SIL. I always brush it and tie it up so she can see where she’s heading when I look after her but cutting it, no way. Totally overstepping the boundaries.

He’ll woild freeze over and pigs would fly before she was allowed contact with my dd if I were you. She threatened to have you beat up and your dh doesn’t have a problem with this????

You have much bigger problems than your dds fringe.

She threatened to have you beaten?

Why the hell is your DD anywhere near her???

Are you Kidding! I would be Livid

I always find these threads so interesting. You said you don't get on and it's coloured your view of her.
I can think of a few ex bf mums who could have been my Mil and inspite of not being close I think we would have rubbed along with basic communication etc. I can't think of any of them who would have done this to show power over the child.

My current Mil... This would definalty be a power move. Inspite of yiu mot liking her is she a nice person? Was this Purely innocent. Have you let her get away with boundary over stepping in the past?

Op I've just seen your update.

The hair is the least of your worries.
The police won't do anything about threatening to beat someone up. They could have chat with you and log it? But they can't do much until something has happened.

I'd be thinking more is she nice person to have round dd in the first place?

I wouldn’t let my DD be with her unsupervised.
She would get a 30 minute visit once a week or fortnight simply so nobody could ever throw at you that you stopped a child seeing her grandparent.
But she would never ever see her alone until she was an adult and able to make her own choices.

I do hope that your DH sees her only to fulfill his filial duty.
‘Beaten up’ - God, wha5 a bitch.
Keep your DD away from her - god only knows what poison she is dripping into her ears.