AIBU MIL cut DD hair

[ohcecelia]

DD is three, she has the same bird nest hair as me - wakes up every morning with it all over the place. About 6 months ago we had a fringe cut in and it was awful, every morning it would be stuck up all over the place, having to wet it and blow dry it down.

Since then we've been growing it out - using clips to keep it to the side, etc. DD comes home from MIL's last night with a fringe cut in. I haven't said anything because she has cut her fringe in the past (when she actually had one cut in) but I would have thought it would have been bloomin' obvious that now it's cheek level and being put in clips to keep out of her face that we didn't want one cut back in!

Would you be annoyed or am I overreacting?

YANBU, not up to your MIL to cut your DD's hair.

My grandma did the same when my mother was growing my fringe out. My mum went ballistic & I don't think we saw them for a few months while mum calmed down.

YANBU - she should have asked first to check.

She's cut it before, you haven't told her you were growing it out, it looked too long, so she did what she'd done before. What did dd tell her?

Were you ok with her cutting DDs hair previously or did you tell MIL not to do it again? If you hadn't told her and she didn't know you were growing it out I don't think you can blame her tbh.

Obviously random cutting with no backstory would be completely out of order.

I agree BertrandRussell, I would be very annoyed with anyone randomly cutting my DC's hair but if they'd done it previously and I hadn't said that I didn't want them to cut it in future and especially if they didn't know they were growing it out I don't think I would be annoyed with them. Myself, for not mentioning it, yes.

What is it with all these MILs who have no idea of boundaries?
Of course you shouldn't cut someone else's child's hair!!
She clearly prefers her with a fringe and is behaving obnoxiously.

Surely though if she's cut it before and hasn't been told not to in future, MIL thinks it's ok. People need to say something that they're not happy about!

"What is it with all these MILs who have no idea of boundaries?
Of course you shouldn't cut someone else's child's hair!!"

Agreed. Unless you had done it before, the fringe was too long and you hadn't been told it was being grown out. In which case it's perfectly normal behaviour.

She’s not psychic. She didn’t do it to piss you off, she’s done it before and thought she was helping. You don’t like her, but don’t pick a fight with her over something petty, that’s a ridiculous thing to do.

few girls, turns out one of them had nits so the dm treated all the girls with Hedrin and gave them all a trim - she is a hairdresser but still!! shock!!

I’d be happy with that. Better than sending the kids home next day with a “she’s probably got nits now” note. I can imagine the response of parents. Most 10 year olds are well old enough to have an opinion on whether they need/want a haircut. It was a trim, it’s not like she turned Goldilocks into Peter Pan. I can imagine how it played out “right girls, we’ve found nits so I have to do this treatment, let’s turn it into a salon party, who’s up first for a shampoo and trim”

MIL did this to Dds hair too , at much the same age .
I said “, oh , we’re growing her fringe out ,” she did a fake embarrassed face
I was cross about it , and then a friend said , at least she didn’t pierce her ears , and that put it in perspective a bit
But I know how you feel

I have a fringe that I regularly cut myself (which she does know) so if I'd have wanted DD to have a fringe too id have just done it myself.
Annoying if MIL is aware of this. You or DH need to say something this time.

Absolutely not her place. She’s crossed a line here.

My MIL cut a fringe for my DD without asking first. Her hands shake big time. She must have realised what a poor job she’s done (on top of not asking first) so she’s quickly tied a knot at the end of a piece of some stretchy material, got my DD to decorate it and then put it on her head as a funky hat when they dropped her off knowing my DH wouldn’t be at home when they’ve arrived, only me. They didn’t even stay for tea. My DD was around 5. When I realised what has happened i sent a photo of her to my SIL (knowing my DH wouldn’t be as tough on her). She went ballistic with MIL. MIL ended up ringing to apologise. Couldn’t be even answer the phone to her for a few days to hear her apology though. She’s always been cautious around me so I don’t know what the hell got into her that day.

Am I alone in thinking it odd that the fringe growing out conversation hadn't happened, just cropped(sorry!) up in normal conversation about your DD. As in

" let me fix your clips DD, honestly DMil, I can't wait for her hair to grow out, cutting the fringe was such a mistake"

" show grandma your new clips dd, don't they look sparkly. We'll have to have a car boot to sell all your old clips when your fringe has grown out."

She should have checked with you as it seems obvious you were growing it out. Not worth a huge row over though.

She seems to have thought you were clipping it aside because you hadn't got it trimmed yet. It was just a misunderstanding. Wait a few weeks then start clipping it back again and tell her that you're growing your DD's fringe out.

I would be really bloody cross.
My mother is a boundary pushing so and so but she wouldn’t have dared get my daughters hair cut, or cut it herself.

It’s one of those things that you do not do in my opinion.
I would be getting DH to tell her very firmly and clearly that under no circumstances whatsoever is she to alter DDs hair again - nor is she to take her to a hairdresser.

It’s just a step too far in my opinion and it’s like she is testing you to see how far she can go.

She should have checked with you as it seems obvious you were growing it out

Not necessarily true. It would appear the DD is left with a longish fringe anyway because the MIL had cut it previously. She may have thought she was doing the OP a favour because she'd not got round to cutting it.

And as I said previously because MIL hasn't been told not to cut it and her GD was growing her fringe out she wouldn't have thought she was over stepping the mark.

Communication is key in these situations.

I'd be fuming. It's not her place to cut your child's hair, regardless whether you were growing her fringe out or not. Ask her not to do it again (EVER!) or get your DH to tell her.

My MIL cut our DD hair when she was 1 - we hadn't even taken her for her first haircut yet but MIL decided she 'must' have a cutting of DD hair as its her 'right' as a Nanna........

Well DD doesn't go there unsupervised anymore (she was having her one day a week) & in fact MIL has taken this as me saying that she cannot ever see DD again...... [hmmm]

You need to say something because if she thinks this is OK she will do much more!

I don't understand why people think it's OK to cut other people's children's hair without mentioning it first. My SIL does this. I am very grateful to her for getting it done but I wish she would consult me first so I could tell her not to get a chav cut it cut too short. She thinks it lasts months that way but I actually have to start trimming it at the back after two weeks because it starts growing out in an awkward shape. The poor thing has a few pretty stubborn cow licks which won't stay down if it's cut short. A little bit of mud on his face and he looks like a cast member of Oliver twist.

Hair cutting is a surprisingly common way that grandparents overstep the mark/ assert their control on a grandchild relationship. Let’s face it, does anyone know of anyone who ever cut someone else’s child’s hair without asking and there not already have been examples that they’re a piss-taker?

YADNBU OP, but make it clear - we were growing DD’s fringe out, if you’d asked, you’d have known, please don’t do it again! There’s no need for that to cause trouble unless MIL did it because she wants to exert her will —which i’d bet my bottom dollar she did—

#strikeoutfail