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Dad at nursary pick up/drop off

83 replies

Flowersandblack · 25/09/2018 21:52

Okay I don't want to sound like a dick but my dd started nursary at the beginning of the month. Hours at 12-3 monday-friday.

Another child started at the same time cute little kid but my god is her dad a entitled prick.

Every day when we get to the gate for pick up we are supposed to wait until a memeber of staff comes to open the gate or press the intercom to release the gate. I usually like to arrive 5 mins early to avoid the queue to collect dd and parking can be bad in the area.

Everyday no matter what time this dad gets there it could be 10 mins before or 2 mins before 3 he presses the button for attention and demands he collects his child there and then. If he is 2 mins before 3 this holds the rest of the children up being released as they have to get his child ready first and then he wants to stand in there and chat to the staff about his child's day so it's not even like he is in a rush so has to collect early he just does it.

On the drop off he pushes past parents who are their to collect their children from the morning session and yesterday he pushed passed me and demanded they do his other child's settling in session there and then despite it being schedualed in for 2pm (it was 12 o'clock a huge change over with children coming and going the staff were just sorting all these other children out) they tried to tell him no it had to be at 2 as all staff were busy with the other children and his child would need special attention they wouldn't be able to give until 2 once all the other children were settled for the afternoon he kept cutting them off saying no I think its fine to do it now.

I didn't see the outcome of what happened as another memeber of staff came and took my dd and said goodbye to me but aibu to be so sick of this shit already he's just a wanker refuses to wait with everyone else and definately won't stand in line for anything. I am 21 weeks pregnant so could be hormones but he really gives me the rage and I feel like I'm not far off saying something. I do think the nursary need to toughen up aswell though and tell him nursary finishes when it finishes and he is holding up all the other children and parents by expecting this special treatment every day.

OP posts:

Fiffyshadesofgreymatter · 26/09/2018 10:22

At 3 o'clock when he jumps to the front, why don't you just say "there's a queue here".

People are just so... British... over this stuff. Speak up. What's he going do to? Punch you in the face? No. Nothing bad will happen. Just tell him.


BasicUsername · 26/09/2018 10:32

I'd say something to him, nicely. Along the lines of "I am sure you just weren't aware, but there is a system in place for the collection of the children, and you keep jumping ahead of everyone else. I thought I'd let you know, so that it doesn't cause any problems in the future with people getting cross".

If he does it again, say "now I know that you are deliberately jumping the line to collect the children, and it's not on. Get to the back of the line".

People like him do as they please, because they think that nobody will say anything about it. So say something.


OmegaAntigone · 26/09/2018 10:42

The issue in that story isn't the little boy it's the mum I'm kind of the opinion if you want your child to go to main stream school then that must mean you want them treated like every other child there in terms of the rules but I could get flamed for that comment.

Whoa. Er no.


OmegaAntigone · 26/09/2018 10:45

If they’re putting reins on him I will bet you a million quid there’s other stuff going on. So in all likelihood this isn’t a nobby Dad, this is a child with additional needs. And he has every right to be educated in mainstream.

Re special schools, which as you said, is another thread, almost always the requirement for admission is an EHCP which takes a minimum of 5 months to get, if you get one, and even then the school may not be able to offer a place.


Shitonthebloodything · 26/09/2018 10:51

I'd complain to the nursery, if they feel uncomfortable saying something they could put a note on the door saying children cannot be released early unless with prior agreement or in an absolute emergency.
You're right though, he is a dickhead.


Flowersandblack · 26/09/2018 10:52

Omega just curious but why not? I'm not trying to challenge you in a nasty way just interested as I have 4 family members with SEN 2 of them also have a terminal illness and out of the 4 3 of them went to mainstream schools for quite some time I always wondered why as my brother (4th) went to a specialist school from age 3 when I asked my family memebers they always said that despite the sen and illnesses they could do the same as everyone else and they wanted their children to lead a "normal" life I never got this as my db leads a perfectly "normal" life he needs more help and support but that's it. My auntie used to go crazy if the main steam school wrote home about my cousins bad behaviour (mainly things like pretending he was Hitler) and she would sort of say what do they expect he has sen but then i thought well this wouldn't be appropriate for another pupil at the same school it's a tough one I only mean in relation to rules of course I think anyone with sen should be given the extra help and support they need but if they are attending certian school they should follow the same rules as their peers.

OP posts:

Flowersandblack · 26/09/2018 10:53

Omega sorry the dad and the child with the reins are totally seperate I think I confused everyone the child with the mum and the reins is at my bf dds school. The dad at my dd nursery has a little girl.

OP posts:

Flowersandblack · 26/09/2018 10:56

Of course he has every right to be educated in main stream I'm not saying other wise however I do think that a sen pupil should be adhering to the same rules as all the other children so no pushing, not being violent or aggressive that sort of thing.

OP posts:

OmegaAntigone · 26/09/2018 10:57

Well because society includes people who are wired up and constructed differently to the average, and they have the same rights as everyone else, including the right to access education. There is a legal duty to make reasonable adjustments for disability, and that goes beyond physical adjustments.

The “treat them the same as everyone else” motion is discriminatory- imagine if a child with a physical disability was told off for not being able to do what the other kids can do? It’s unfair! So when your cousin was told off for doing what by the sounds of it, was a part of his disability, no wonder your aunt was frustrated!


iLoveSpaDays · 26/09/2018 10:58

He sounds like a dickhead


OmegaAntigone · 26/09/2018 10:58

Some disabilities mean that the person with them, CANNOT regulate their behaviour under some conditions. In which case the responsibility is on the school to manage those circumstances and at the same time, keep the other kids safe.


BrisaOtonal · 26/09/2018 11:02

nursary, nursary, nursary, nursary, nursary


Fiffyshadesofgreymatter · 26/09/2018 11:03


Everyone else has managed to ignore the spelling error and actually be helping by replying to the content of the OP. Why can't you?


user1457017537 · 26/09/2018 11:06

BrisaOtonal people do have dyslexia you know and it is upsetting to be mocked because you cannot spell. Is it really important we know what she means


Starlings27 · 26/09/2018 11:08

Completely irrelevant but I didn't realise some nurseries have a specific pick up time - at DS's you grab your child at any time as long as it's before 6pm.

Drop off we're not allowed in until 8am - no exceptions.


Racecardriver · 26/09/2018 11:11

So the system for drop off and pick ups seems a bit odd to me but that doesn't permit his dickish behaviour.


Fiffyshadesofgreymatter · 26/09/2018 11:13


My nursery was 8 till 5.30 but we could pick up anytime we wanted really. Unless you only paid for a half day and then it was pick up on or before 12.30 I think.

These set hours might be the free places? But it's still odd that they need to wait outside for the kids to be brought out.


MixedMaritalArts · 26/09/2018 11:15

@BrisaOtonal the OPcleary states she is dyslexic in a response up thread.


TonnoEMaionese · 26/09/2018 11:20

The pick up at the door is pretty normal in a set-hours nursery - ie. one that's from 9-3 rather than one used as childcare for working parents.

It mimics what happens when they go to school.

I am that mum that can't help but grin and wave when I spot my kids in the queue, but then I also firmly tell them to stay still and wait their turn, so I hope I'm not too disruptive.

OP, I think you will stew if you don't do something - perhaps you could engage him in conversation to distract him for a moment or something if you don't want to actually confront? Just something to distract him long enough for the queue dismissal to start.


whosafraidofabigduckfart · 26/09/2018 11:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

glagdy · 26/09/2018 11:23

So we're meant to give op special treatment for being dyslexic but a kid with special needs must behave as a kid without? Hmm


TwistedStitch · 26/09/2018 11:26

Any idea how hard it is to even get an ECHP OP, let alone a specialist school placement? I'm sure if somebody said that you shouldn't be given any understanding about your dyslexia because you've chosen to post on a website that involves written communication you'd rightly think they were a twat.


Bekabeech · 26/09/2018 11:32

@Flowersandblack I really had a lot of sympathy with you until your last two posts.
a) It is not easy to get a child into a special school - they take children from a very wide area. You usually need to have jumped through a lot of hoops to have a chance.
b) Not every child with SN needs a special school. In fact all my DC have some kind of SN/SEN and none of them need/needed special schools. In fact the suggestion for two is laughable - and the other would need one for gifted and special at least. They have all done well in mainstream schools.
c) The problem is not the mother but the school. If the boy is so predictably disruptive then he should have a separate hand over at the end of the school day, maybe even in a separate place. He could easily be given to a TA for had overs at the end of the day.
If he needs reins then so what? Does it really affect you or your friend or the other children?

You need to grow up and get some humanity. Not everyone has as easy a life as you.
And you do sound a bit like the Father that irritates you so much. All children have a right to an education, and mainstream schools have to adapt to their individual needs - that is the Law.


AlphaBravo · 26/09/2018 11:34

They'll remove his kid soon enough.


Flowersandblack · 26/09/2018 12:53

I'm not upset by being mocked for my dyslexia that's part of life sadly.

As i said in a pp regarding the pick up at my friends dd school the issue isn't the child in question as before he sees his mum he is pretty much doing the same as the other children standing in line giggling with others it's only when he sees his mother he starts crying and getting upset so the school asked her to try and hold back a bit until she could see it was her son's turn to be passed out but she totally ignored them and each and every day will barge past others shout across the play ground and just do everything she can to make darn sure the child sees her before they have even opened the gate to starts releasing children. My grip here isn't with the child it is with the mother she knows her son's behaviour will change the second he sees her she also knows the school are trying to encourage all the children to wait and take turns and have patience.

Back to dickhead dad anyway. He was at the NURSERY today I didn't catch it all but he was in some sort of argument with a nursery worker and another parent I'm not sure what's happened I didn't hang around to find out either but it was starting to look heated. Maybe someone else has beaten me to it?

OP posts:
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