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AIBU?

DH spends £70-£90 on weekly food shop for himself

53 replies

Changes123 · 25/09/2018 20:37

I just want to preface this buy saying DH is one of the sweetest, kindest guys I know. Prior to marriage he lived with his family and wasn't very domesticated as the women in the household would take on the chores. (This is very much the norm in our culture). Once we were married, I would do the food shop online (I hate shopping in the supermarket), with him present to add what he wanted, but he would be distracted by the TV, or be busy at the time, and I found that when he was involved he would add anything and everything his stomach could think of at the time. So I proceeded to do the food shop online on my own, whilst trying to keep the cost down to a minimum.

Over time he would complain that the was a lack of variety in the food, or it wasn't filling enough etc. So more recently I have suggested he do his own shopping which has done for a few weeks now. I have to add, DH is the biggest foodie I know, and it is one of the few things he really enjoys in life. He visits the supermarket whilst hungry, and as you can imagine, loads up the trolley with items I feel aren't necessary or aren't on offer. This has lead to his bill coming between £70-£90 per week just for himself, which is extremely expensive. (He does add the odd couple of items for me which is thoughtful when we have agreed to do our own). He has stated he will not penny pinch with this stuff, and just wants to buy what he likes as he works hard. We aren't in a bad position financially, but I feel that its cutting back in places like this that allow us to save more/spend extra elsewhere.

Do I just accept that his shopping is going to be expensive, and appreciate that he isn't really a big spender elsewhere so this is his one treat for himself? Or is there a middle ground to be found here?

OP posts:
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Neverender · 25/09/2018 20:46

Do you just plan your meals or does he just buy a load of shit?

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Dontknowwhatimdoing · 25/09/2018 20:47

I think if you can afford it, its probably worth letting this go. It does sound like a somewhat odd arrangement though.

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LittleOwl153 · 25/09/2018 20:48

Can you get the receipts for his shop over the past few weeks and look at exactly what he is buying? Can you then agree a more balanced single shop between you?

I think that amount is too much but it does depend on your overall budget I guess. (I feed 4 on less than that budget).

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SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 25/09/2018 20:49

Could you be persuaded to go to the supermarket with him and shop together, if you thought it would reduce the spending?

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Cottipus · 25/09/2018 20:50

Is there something specific you want/need to save for? Is spending on food ruining the chances of achieving this? Are you able to spend the same amount on nice things for you?

Is it ready meals he is spending the money on or expensive ingredients? Could he cook from scratch to save some money?

It does seem expensive for one person but you need to look at the full picture, ie if you are spending £400 a month on say clothes for you it balances out. On the other hand if you can’t afford necessities then it needs reigning in.

It depends on your circumstances I would say.

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GreenTulips · 25/09/2018 20:50

I think it depends how costs are calculated

For example I find you share joint costs and budget £30 a week for food - he pays the difference from his spends

Otherwise family money is being spend unequally -

Do you get £60 a week to spend on what you like

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MadeForThis · 25/09/2018 20:51

Does the food get wasted?

Is weight/health an issue?

If not then it's just a financial issue. If you can afford it then why not. If it's alternative to the gym/club/pub then why not?

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serbska · 25/09/2018 20:51

How much is your shop coming to?

To be honest, if you earn well and he’s a foodie and you have a few bottles of wine £100-£140/week between the two of you if you always eat in wouldn’t be out of the range of craziness.

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CottonTailRabbit · 25/09/2018 20:51

Why can't he plan and do the full family shop? If he's the foodie surely it makes sense for him to become the meal planner and maker.

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TulipsInBloom1 · 25/09/2018 20:52

Does he cook his own meals/eat entirely from his own purchases?

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TinklyLittleLaugh · 25/09/2018 20:53

How does he even eat that much food? Is he very overweight or do you throw a lot out?

Do you never cook or eat together? I find that a bit sad. What will happen if you have children in the mix?

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Believeitornot · 25/09/2018 20:53

You eat separate meals? That’s strange.

Surely there’s a middle ground. Sometimes you have fancy foodie meals and sometimes not.

Or you/he learn to cook decent meals on a lower budget. That’s also possible!

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ileclerc · 25/09/2018 20:54

So he just cooks for himself and you for yourself? How bizarre.

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Kintan · 25/09/2018 20:56

I don’t understand why you are not buying things he likes in the online shopping if you have both decided you are the main grocery shopper - wouldn’t it make more sense for him to take care of all the shopping?

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HellenaHandbasket · 25/09/2018 20:56

Very odd. Why doesn't he take on shopping and cooking for all of you if he enjoys it so much? Or you alternate weeks?

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InfiniteCurve · 25/09/2018 20:57

I feel that its cutting back in places like this that allow us to save more/spend extra elsewhere.

The thing is,does he want to do that?
If food is what he wants to spend money on then fair enough,essentially being a foodie is his hobby - as long as you have the same amount to spend on your hobbies.Its not fair to expect him to cut back on things he enjoys if the aim is to fund the things you alone want,rather than things you want as a couple.
I sympathise though - I look at the pop tarts and other junk purchased by my loved ones and think "have an apple - this is my pension.... Envy"

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SaucyJack · 25/09/2018 20:57

I don’t think either of you are wrong or right from what you’ve posted. If (for ex.) you wanted to eat pasta all week, and then spend £100 at the hairdressers whilst he spent £70 on food and then got his haircut at the barbers for a tenner, that’s fine really.

It’s only really a problem if he’s then gonna expect you to sub family meals out/holidays with money you’ve personally saved by eating fishfingers.

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Graphista · 25/09/2018 20:59

How the hell much is he EATING?!

Is he overweight? Is it healthy food? That would be a concern for me.

Also are you ending up throwing a lot out? Because if so that's just wasteful!

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PotteringAlong · 25/09/2018 21:00

You shop seperately and eat seperate meals? Apart from anything, that’s the least cost effective thing I’ve ever heard

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lottiegarbanzo · 25/09/2018 21:00

That's £4,000 a year. So £8,000 a year if you each spend the same. Food costs second only to housing in our household. More than heating. On the one hand it does cost a lot, especially if you go for high quality ingredients. On the other, it offers the greatest scope for cost-cutting, if you want or need to.

Shopping on an empty stomach is a rookie mistake and always leads to crazy impulse purchases (obvs!).

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TinklyLittleLaugh · 25/09/2018 21:00

I'm actually quite intrigued by this. What is he buying that comes to £90?

My DS is quite the foodie but that basically comes down to getting really good meat and veg from our local farm shop and us cooking it in interesting ways. Oh and fancy cheese and craft beer. Couldn't make it add up to £90 though.

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CSIblonde · 25/09/2018 21:00

If he didn't like what you bought online why didn't he get involved or write you a list of what he wanted. If you can afford it fine but that's a heck of a lot. Is it booze (very expensive) or is he overweight & it's cake/sweets/sugarycrap & ready meals?

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LoveAGoodChat · 25/09/2018 21:01

Op what exactly is he buying?..is it all snacks and junk food, or is it ingredients for meals?

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Ellisandra · 25/09/2018 21:04

I can’t be doing with the bollocks that people trot out about culture.
In my childhood, I never lifted a finger to cook - weirdly enough, when I moved into my own house I managed to have come away with the general idea that one should buy food and cook it Hmm

There’s not nearly enough detail here. All the questions asked by PP. Can you / he afford it? Is it being wasted? If he’s buying truffle oil and oysters and loving them, that’s different to loading up on food that ends up spoiling because he buys 10 meals worth with 5 days shelf life because he’s not thinking.

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Bimgy85 · 25/09/2018 21:06

I think definitely if you can afford it, why not, food is such a huge part of our lives and if you're lucky enough to be able to enjoy and afford the food you( he in this case) love(s) and the specific brands you love then why not indulge?

After all why work so hard if you cannot enjoy the rewards.

I'm a firm believer in value for money and not wasting it but you should feel fortunate that you can afford to choose the more expensive luxurious items that you would not choose should you not be able to afford it

I say go for it! And bloody enjoy it! Grin food is a huuuuuuge part of my life and if I could spend every shopping week picking all my favourite items and brands then I'd be delighted, heck I even get excited when I get a regular aldi shop in.

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