AIBU?
DH spends £70-£90 on weekly food shop for himself
Changes123 · 25/09/2018 20:37
I just want to preface this buy saying DH is one of the sweetest, kindest guys I know. Prior to marriage he lived with his family and wasn't very domesticated as the women in the household would take on the chores. (This is very much the norm in our culture). Once we were married, I would do the food shop online (I hate shopping in the supermarket), with him present to add what he wanted, but he would be distracted by the TV, or be busy at the time, and I found that when he was involved he would add anything and everything his stomach could think of at the time. So I proceeded to do the food shop online on my own, whilst trying to keep the cost down to a minimum.
Over time he would complain that the was a lack of variety in the food, or it wasn't filling enough etc. So more recently I have suggested he do his own shopping which has done for a few weeks now. I have to add, DH is the biggest foodie I know, and it is one of the few things he really enjoys in life. He visits the supermarket whilst hungry, and as you can imagine, loads up the trolley with items I feel aren't necessary or aren't on offer. This has lead to his bill coming between £70-£90 per week just for himself, which is extremely expensive. (He does add the odd couple of items for me which is thoughtful when we have agreed to do our own). He has stated he will not penny pinch with this stuff, and just wants to buy what he likes as he works hard. We aren't in a bad position financially, but I feel that its cutting back in places like this that allow us to save more/spend extra elsewhere.
Do I just accept that his shopping is going to be expensive, and appreciate that he isn't really a big spender elsewhere so this is his one treat for himself? Or is there a middle ground to be found here?
lelepond · 25/09/2018 21:08
Personally, the separateness of it all would bother me i.e make me feel like we were flatmates. Do you have separate meals?
I was raised with the belief that you should never scrimp on food- good food is one of life's pleasures. When I was single I would spend a similar amount (if not slightly more) so it doesn't sound excessive to me.
Bimgy85 · 25/09/2018 21:08
I can imagine if he's buying more quality food how it would get to £90. For example nice filled pastas or good quality meat, different sauces . Realistically you could spend £10 on each dinner so I don't see how £90 is so shocking. It would be easy to spend £10 on a days nice food or dinner
Angelil · 25/09/2018 21:08
Plan the meals together, including the list of what ingredients are actually needed for those meals.
Also plan what snacks you would both like for during the week.
Then you go online and order it.
No spontaneous dashes to the supermarket or crazy topup shops while hungry. You already know it can't carry on.
TomHardysNextWife · 25/09/2018 21:14
Sit down, plan a menu together and do an online shop together.
My DH is a terrible cook, but he knows what he likes and dislikes and we still chat about what each other wants on the shopping that week... and our DDs chip in too.
Is it an arranged marriage OP? Do you not know each other very well?
TakeMe2Insanity · 25/09/2018 21:15
If the general objective of the family is to make cut backs etc could you set him a budget of say £30 to do with as he likes, the rest to savings and you continue as previously?
I am also interested in the logistics does he eat what he wants and you and the kids eat on budget?
AnnaMagnani · 25/09/2018 21:15
How is he expressing his foodie-ness?
Because I am a mahoosive foodie and can bore on about regional foods of places for hours and why blah-blah-blah isn't authentic but I still do my weekly shop in Lidl 
He doesn't need fancy ingredients, he just needs to have better cookbooks and be a better cook.
sunshineandshowers21 · 25/09/2018 21:16
i honestly wouldn’t see this as an issue. i cook me, my partner, and our two boys the same tea every night but when we go shopping we all add our own snacks/drinks etc to the trolley because we like different stuff. as long as you can afford it i say let him get on with it.
MyBrexitGoesOnHoliday · 25/09/2018 21:18
Is he eating all the food he is buying or is a lot of it going to waste?
If he is eating it all, then he is basically saying that he enjoys expensive stuff (i assume good quality or branded products) and doesn’t want to compromise on quality.
He might also have not learnt yet that you cameasily make swap between an expensive brand and a cheaper product wo compromising quality.
If he isn’t eating everything and a lot if it goes in the bin, then he needs to learn to plan ahaead better.
Fwiw I agree with him and buying good quality food and not always the cheap stuff to keep cost down to a minimum. There is some pleasure in eating good foods.
Where I would disagree is the cost (but I’m feeding 4 adults not one)
PlatypusPie · 25/09/2018 21:39
It does sound as if the decision to budget strictly on food, in order to build up pool of savings, was a bit of a unilateral one. Maybe he would rather budgeting happened elsewhere ,mat keast in part.
Cooking and planning food together, or for each other, is a major part of many relationships for those who do have the funds available, especially without the demands of routine family cooking. It seems a shame that you two are now set in opposition to each other - you wanting straightforward and as cheap as possible and him wanting more variety, quantity and luxury. Can’t you meet in the middle by taking turns and both showing more compromise , rather than the rather sad yours and mine catering more suited to flat sharing than a marriage.
MaisyPops · 25/09/2018 21:44
Is he a foodie or does he like snacking?
There's a difference and it may well change the budget.
To me a foodie is someone (guilty here!) who enjoys food, likes trying new recipes, enjoys cooking and might find themselves spending money on a lovely bottle of infused olive oil or spend a bit extra on local meat etc.
A smaller could easily rack up £50 in biscuits, snacks, crisps, fudge snacks etc.
The former wouldn't bother me but the latter would.
It does seem you've unilaterally made decisions not he food budget here though. Maybe it's a discussion to have together
EK36 · 25/09/2018 21:49
That seems strange to me. But it's his money and he's happy to do it so leave him to it. We as a family of 4 spend £130 per week on the food shop. We buy quality fish & meat. With fresh fruit and vegetables every day. We don't eat take aways or eat out. We prefer good quality food. Do you think it might be best to sit down together & agree on planned meals for the week? Perhaps he wants more quality meals? E.g. steak/lasanina over pasta/pizza.
LemonysSnicket · 25/09/2018 21:52
I think if you can afford it and it brings him joy (massive foodie here and I do all the shopping. Spend £4-500 a month on all our meals - I make B, L & D- and we aren't taking home loads) then I would allow it but I would come up with a budget he has to stick to.
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