Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DS starting dance AIBU?

120 replies

ilver70812 · 25/09/2018 19:30

DS is 6. DD1&2 have been going to dance classes for a few years now and DD3 has just started. Now that all his sisters go, DS wants to as well.
DH is not happy about this and is telling me not to let him but DS loves watching his sisters at their classes and is constantly wanting to join in.
Before DD3 started, I just told DS that he was too young, but now that's not possible.
I want to let him (maybe not ballet like DDs do) but DDs also do street dance, which I would be fine with DS doing.
DH is having none of it and saying that I shouldn't have told DS 'maybe'
Any advice?

OP posts:
didyouseetheflaresinthesky · 26/09/2018 13:34

Why shouldn't he do ballet? Because he's a boy? What a load of old shit. Let him dance and if he likes ballet, why the fuck shouldn't he? You're either gay or you're not and it has fuck all to do with whether you can dance.

reallyanotherone · 26/09/2018 13:35

Dh finds this attitude puzzling.

From his point of view, as a young lad and a teenager, being the only boy in a roomful of girls is something he would be very interested in.

Dd does a sport which is fairly mixed nationally. However in our club we train next to a premier league youth football club. So out club is predominantly girls- mainly parents who’s boys play football dropping th girls off on the way.

We do have a couple of teenage lads. It seems to be a ready source of girlfriends for them and by the time they leave they’ve pretty much been through anyone age appropriate. Slightly grim, but not to bad a hobby!

chilledteacher · 26/09/2018 14:18

My DS had to do dance in year 7 (compulsory) and stuck with it as an after school club for year 8 onwards. Admittedly, his intentions were not entirely honest to begin with (he freely admitted to me that "where else was he going to be the only boy in a roomful of girls" - he may be an evil genius in the making) but actually he loves it and is really good. He does a dance show each year and will be taking it as a GCSE option.
Let your DS dance.

KnittingSister · 26/09/2018 14:39

My DS was 5 when he started dance class. Week 1 all the girls and all the boys from his school were there. Week 2 all the girls and half the boys. Week 3 there were 2 or 3 boys and after that he wouldn't go back - a shame cos he enjoyed it.
Since he's been in panto , enjoyed Strictly but doesn't want to do dance Sad

AlexanderHamilton · 26/09/2018 14:46

I wish the responses on this thread reflected the norm.

To be fair I think the title is going to attract a certain type of poster, mostly those of us who have children in dance, especially boys or are involved ourselves.

Dd is at vocational college and girls vastly outnumber boys in auditions, classes and workshops.

I tried to get ds into dance when he was little but he point blank refusedsaying it was for girls. His love of music prevailed though and he realised that if he wants to sing in musical theatre he needs to be able to dance.

Cleanermaidcook · 26/09/2018 15:01

Ds 8 does ballroom, Latin, rock and roll and street dance.
He's the only boy in the whole place with about 40 girls.
He started watching his sister then wanted to join in same as your son.
He loves it, always has a partner and your dh will be relieved to hear hasn't caught 'The Gay' yet. He's been going over 2 years now.

Losingthewill1 · 26/09/2018 15:45

Dance is a great exercise for girls AND boys

Telling him he can’t do it ( or in this case shouldn’t) leads to toxic masculinity like your DH seems to be suffering from.

Let the boy see if he likes it and get your husband to see how much male ballet dancers at the top of there game make.

MTBMummy · 26/09/2018 16:13

DS 4 does dance and loves it - DD8 has absolutely no interest in dance, preferring to play football or ride her bike. Both kids are happy, so I don't see the issue.

Your DH's views are very outdated

Mama1980 · 26/09/2018 16:16

Your dh sounds very odd. This so isn't a issue. Both my sons have been dancing since age 3, it's great for fitness and muscle tone. My eldest at 10 loves ballet and he's not the only boy in class.
Definitely send your boy if he wants to go.

TheHodgeoftheHedge · 26/09/2018 16:18

Fuck me. Are we still in the 50s?

Tartsamazeballs · 26/09/2018 16:22

Maybe you should listen to your husband. Don't you know if you make a boy do girl activities it could make his knob fall off??

PawneeParksDept · 26/09/2018 16:24

Your DH is a knuckle dragging plonker but you also share his negative view, it's clear from your OP. The only reason it's even up for discussion is because you'd rather say no and feel guilty about it, and so you should.

YABU both of you. Open your minds a bit.

Justnoclue · 26/09/2018 16:25

@AngeloMysterioso you win the internet today Grin... and as an aside, thank you for all the fabulous amazing male dancers. Wow

MyKingdomForBrie · 26/09/2018 16:27

Oh ffs really? Tell him he's a sexist idiot.

Justnoclue · 26/09/2018 16:27

OP. Seriously. Give your head a wobble and let you son dance FFS.

Your DH should be ashamed and you should be too if you let such dated ideas affect your children.

NewGrandad · 26/09/2018 16:29

My middle son wanted to have dancing lessons when he was younger so we let him. Didn't last long TBH but it didn't turn him "soft". Now at 28 he's into kick boxing.

trulybadlydeeply · 26/09/2018 16:30

Why don't you want to let him do ballet?

What does your "D"H think will happen if your DS joins a dance class? Honestly, what are his actual reasons for "having none of it"? How does he justify this reaction?

GreenMeerkat · 26/09/2018 16:31

I wouldn't even have to think about it. If he wanted to go he'd be going.

You've seen strictly right? Wouldn't work with all female dancers now would it?

Idiot.

Catsandbootsandbootsandcats · 26/09/2018 16:33

One of my DS's does tap. He started last year aged 10, and really enjoys it. It never occurred to me to not let him. My only worry was him possibly being too old to start (and having the same complete lack of co-ordination and rhythm as me!) but he doesn't mind being the oldest in the class, and one of 2 boys.

My brother used to do tap and I think jazz too. I don't remember it ever being a problem for my parents, apart from the worry that he'd drop out after they'd bought all the stuff (which was a regular thing as I'm sure he had ADHD) but he stuck at it for quite a while.

Ninabean17 · 26/09/2018 16:38

Are you afraid he might grow up to be.. in showbiz??! all due respect op, let the boy dance. He'll love it.

reallyanotherone · 26/09/2018 17:28

His love of music prevailed though and he realised that if he wants to sing in musical theatre he needs to be able to dance

Friend of mine son wanted to do musical theatre. Years of singing lessons, but would never do dance because “it’s for girls and i’m no good”.

Got into a prestigious drama school in london, three years of a degree where they made him do dance, but he was a complete beginner in amongst a field who had been dancing years, so didn’t really bother.

Graduated. Realised every west end show support crew needed to dance. Leading men, not so much, but you need to start in chorus (unles exceptional/already famous).

10 years of autioning and being told his dancing just wasn’t up to it and he’s given up and works in an office.

MyCatIsBonkers · 26/09/2018 17:59

I really don't understand men like this and their weird ideas of 'manly' behaviour. My DH is one of the worst dancers I've ever met. So bad he has everyone howling with laughter. Even a terrible dancer is so much more appealing than the men who won't because they're too cool, when really it just shows they've got issues.

My DS started dancing this term. He's only 5 and has so much fun. It's really sad to see that there's only 1 other boy in the class. Kids already being brainwashed into gender prisons.

GreenMeerkat · 26/09/2018 18:30

There are no boys in my DDs ballet class. Similarly, she is the only girl in her football class. I really don't understand why, in 2018, these things are still gendered.

allthgoodusernamesaretaken · 26/09/2018 18:35

Let your son dance and don't let your sexist, misogynistic, and probably homophobic, husband pass on his dispicable views into your children

This.