Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

DS starting dance AIBU?

120 replies

ilver70812 · 25/09/2018 19:30

DS is 6. DD1&2 have been going to dance classes for a few years now and DD3 has just started. Now that all his sisters go, DS wants to as well.
DH is not happy about this and is telling me not to let him but DS loves watching his sisters at their classes and is constantly wanting to join in.
Before DD3 started, I just told DS that he was too young, but now that's not possible.
I want to let him (maybe not ballet like DDs do) but DDs also do street dance, which I would be fine with DS doing.
DH is having none of it and saying that I shouldn't have told DS 'maybe'
Any advice?

OP posts:

ImperfectPirouette · 26/09/2018 06:21

@FVFrog
Has your DS one of the t-shirts that says I don't lift weights, I lift girls? To be fair, pretty much all dancers weight train as well, but I'd not like to trust your average guy-at-the-gym to wander round holding me over his head, or even to safely manage a fish...

Seriously though OP, why wouldn't you want your DS to learn the dance-form that is the foundation of all others; that [gently] instils discipline & self-control; that builds fitness; proprioception, core stability, musicality, muscle strength & flexibility; that, as PPs have noted, is thought worth being part of the training regime of professional rugby & football players; that if progressed to a high level leads to qualifications worth putting on a UCAS form; & crucially, of course, that can bring a lifetime of enjoyment?

Your DS might try ballet & decide it's not for him. But what good reason could you give for choosing to deny him the chance of all the positive things posters on this thread have mentioned.

Unless you're about to come out with a massive drip-feed that your DS is in fact a dog you consider your 4th child & your DH doesn't want him doing dance because Dog On The Playground would be as nothing next to Dog In The Studio, you need to have a word with yourself about why you're thinking Ballet's not ok but streetdance is. Your DH presumably needs to cop on to facts, reality & the C21 - & maybe get a nice wee cushion to put his fragile masculinity on. Blue, obviously. A manly cushion. (Would be delighted to apologise if he's not objecting for the Tired & Predictable reasons that your posts suggest.)

klondike555 · 26/09/2018 07:03

Your DH is being a sexist twat.

Of all the people I know who dance, the males outnumber the females (mixed ages). One young man is even part of a national touring group, and they've had the chance to travel overseas as well. I feel worn out just watching them; no way would I be fit enough to do it myself.

Rachie1973 · 26/09/2018 07:06

My nephew is a world champion dancer! We love it

IfyouseeRitaMoreno · 26/09/2018 07:10

Your husband is a plonker.

Ylvamoon · 26/09/2018 07:15

My DS does dance, (modern & tap) he is 8, started at 6 and absolutely loves it!

HotelRedFace · 26/09/2018 07:34

Your DH's attitude is from the dark ages. Let the boy dance - and yes, that includes ballet! It teaches great discipline and he will develop strength and athleticism. Even if he only keeps it up for a few years it will give him skills that he will take with him through life.

Blameanamechange · 26/09/2018 08:00

Exactly which era is yr dh stuck in ? 1950s perhaps? How would he react if yr dds wanted to play football or cricket?

DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 26/09/2018 08:09

OMG! Ballet! He will catch The Gay!

No he won't. He is already, or he isn't, or he might try both buses, or he might collect Warhammer. But ballet will make him strong, agile and happy.

Sussexbonfireviking · 26/09/2018 08:16

My DS has done flamenco for 3 years now, he loves it

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 26/09/2018 08:20

Has your husband actually said what hus specific concerns are? Are there other boys in the class? Of course you're yanbu

RB68 · 26/09/2018 08:31

I think I would be saying maybe we should send the girls to football/rugby and see what he says - he is being ridiculous but if he has been brought up a certain way then you need to work with that to change his mindset - rugby and football are both sports using ballet and yoga to create core strength, balance, flexibility and elegance of movement in their players. He really has his blinkers on

Bloodybridget · 26/09/2018 08:35

God almighty. Are you serious, OP? How depressing to come across such sexist nonsense in the 21st century.

TimeIhadaNameChange · 26/09/2018 09:44

SleepingStandingUp - Enjoy! It's great! My mother was peeved to begin with when she realised that men would be dancing with men, but she soon got over that when she realised how bloody impressive the whole thing was.

sliceofcheese · 26/09/2018 10:02

If your DSs wants to dance what's the issue? His sisters do it so presumably you have access to classes and can afford to pay for the lessons. Surely you treat all the kids the same?

Does your husband realise that there is no requirement to use your genitals during dancing and thus they are irrelevant to your dancing ability and enjoyment?

trancepants · 26/09/2018 11:16

I'm not sure that that the OP and her DH are all that uncommon. My 5yo DS attends a dance class and even at that age the boy/girl ration is startling, over 90% of the kids in his class are girls. There are parents who bring boy/girl twins along, drop off their daughters and take their sons' away to traipse about the boring (for kids) shops that are in the area for 50 minutes before going back for their little girls. I know that kids have their own preferences and twins (and similar aged siblings) won't always like the same things but this is way too common to not be the result of heavy parental influence.

I'm finding it so fucking weird as since when was 'dance' considered girly. It genuinely never occurred to me that this type of class would ever have been seen as for girls. Let along that in 2018 people could be so fucking stupid and weird. Because it really, really is stupid and weird. From talking to other parents it seems that the dance class has become a 'girl' thing because the boys go to a sports activity, so the girls get to go to something non-sporting and active. Which still makes no sense because at 5, all the local sports teams are mixed gender.

trancepants · 26/09/2018 11:27

Actually though, there is a real bonus to all of this for DS. The group he's in puts on an amazing show once a year. It's a seriously big production in a huge theatre, with full professional costumes, sound, lighting, etc. It's an amazing experience for a child who enjoys performing. And the little boys in the group all get excellent parts and proportionally more and more prominent stage time than the majority of the girls.

The dance school also feeds into the main panto companies at Christmas time. And any boy who is old enough and even moderately talented has a really good chance of getting a part in a big panto because they normally have equal numbers of boys and girls on stage. I don't know if DS will want to do that kind of thing when he is older but if he does, I guess it's good for him that his gender gives him such a stupid advantage.

SilverySurfer · 26/09/2018 11:53

Well of course what your DH is concerned about is your DS catching the gay. He's a plonker. You don't sound much better to be honest, intimating that street dance is more appropriate.

Racecardriver · 26/09/2018 12:00

The two of you need some sense knocked into you. What is wrong with ballet? If he wants to go let him.

bsbabas · 26/09/2018 12:15

He can dance if he wants too!

SwarmOfCats · 26/09/2018 12:21

Is your husband’s masculinity really that fragile, that it would be threatened by his son dancing?

You both need to pack in being ridiculous and stop trying to push completely outdated stereotypes on your children.

manicinsomniac · 26/09/2018 12:27

I wish the responses on this thread reflected the norm.

I teach performing arts and boys' dance is a big problem. It doesn't matter how hard I plug it, boys seem to have absorbed by the age of about 6 that dance is something only girls are good at or that it's somehow demeaning or embarrassing for boys to dance.

I get the occasional boy sign up but, once they realise that the rest of the class are girls, they often drop out very quickly.

At the dance studio my children are at there are some fabulous boy dancers - but they make up about 2% of the register.

My oldest is at a performing arts school on a dance track and they do have fairly even numbers of boys and girls - but that's because they're so selective. At that level it suddenly becomes hugely advantageous to be male because there's less competition.

Many dance schools have to have special boys only classes to attract and keep talented boys (there's even an entire ballet school just for boys in London). That's amazing in many ways but it shouldn't be necessary. The stigma needs to go but I have no idea how when it's so ingrained in our culture.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 26/09/2018 12:28

DH is being a dick. I know quite a few boys that go to dance classes, some are just for boys! I know one that is a specific private school that specialises in ballet too.

BlingLoving · 26/09/2018 12:35

DS just did his first dance exam and did extremely well. For us, it's the first time he's ever performed highly in any kind of physical activity and we're all so proud of him because his confidence has already jumped up a notch. In football and PE and all the rest, he's nowhere near the top and always feels like he can't do what the other children do, so doing something where he's proving to be really good at it has done him the world of good.

Don't let silly prejudices get in the way. If he wants to dance and will enjoy it, he should do it - it's a brilliant form of physical exercise and teaches the children a lot.

LadyHonoriaDedlock · 26/09/2018 12:44

Tell the Jets in West Side Story that dance is for girls!! (My son has just performed in it and now has muscles on his muscles)

Hillarious · 26/09/2018 13:26

My DS did ballroom dancing in Year 6 - a class through school set up on the coat-tails of Strictly. He continued into Year 7, doing football training 4.30 pm to 5.30 pm and ballroom 5.30 pm to 6.30 pm at the same venue. Along with a number of other boys from football too. They loved it.

What was really needed, was more girls doing the football!

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Swipe left for the next trending thread