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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DS starting dance AIBU?

120 replies

ilver70812 · 25/09/2018 19:30

DS is 6. DD1&2 have been going to dance classes for a few years now and DD3 has just started. Now that all his sisters go, DS wants to as well.
DH is not happy about this and is telling me not to let him but DS loves watching his sisters at their classes and is constantly wanting to join in.
Before DD3 started, I just told DS that he was too young, but now that's not possible.
I want to let him (maybe not ballet like DDs do) but DDs also do street dance, which I would be fine with DS doing.
DH is having none of it and saying that I shouldn't have told DS 'maybe'
Any advice?

OP posts:
HardofCleaning · 25/09/2018 20:48

Of course DS should be able to go to dance class. It would be a horrible message for him and his sisters if he wasn't allowed because he's a boy!

AlexanderHamilton · 25/09/2018 20:49

Google Sergei Polunin or Carlos Acosta

Ooforfoxsakeridesagain · 25/09/2018 20:54

My DDs dance school have boys only ballet classes to encourage more boys to come. There’s a few that have the chance to compete. It’s just great for discipline, commitment, physical activity and confidence.

It’s a shame your DH is being so small minded.

Armadillostoes · 25/09/2018 20:59

Your DH has a serious problem which goes beyond dance, sexist attitudes like that are damaging for all of his children. He needs to get his act together and move out of the 1950s.

BlaaBlaaBlaa · 25/09/2018 21:02

My advice? LTB.

Let your son dance and don't let your sexist, misogynistic, and probably homophobic, husband pass on his dispicable views into your children.

Socksey · 25/09/2018 21:04

My DS has been dancing since he was 5 and asked for ballet as he wanted to be an athlete....
He is 9 now and still does ballet as well as ballroom and Latin.... he enjoys it and has lots of friends there....
His dad doesn't particularly like it but accepts it now.... he prefers the ballet as he sees it as being more disciplined...
My DS will never be a rough and tumble sort but still does his bit of martial arts as well and is popular in his class with plenty of friends...
I would let your DS dance .... he may or may not enjoy it .... but just play it by ear...

Veterinari · 25/09/2018 21:07

Why doesn’t Your husband want him to dance?
Why don’t You want him to do ballet?
Why have you been trying to put him off a physical activity that will develop his balance, coordination and muscle strength by telling him he’s too young?

Think carefully about your discomfort in these issues. Are you really that sexist? Fo you really want to pass on those sexist gender-stereotypes messages to your children?

myidentitymycrisis · 25/09/2018 21:09

Maybe ask your DH who will his daughters dance with if they become ballet dancers?

FVFrog · 25/09/2018 21:11

My DS 16 has been dancing for 4 years, ballet is his favourite (and the one he excels in) but also does tap, modern, contemporary, jazz and street. He is athletic, strong, coordinated and his confidence has soared. Your DH is being VVVU and needs to give his head a wobble! My DS makes wry comments about the cool ‘gym’ lads at his college who “obviously skip leg day”when they workout. My DS has rock hard, very well developed thighs!

FVFrog · 25/09/2018 21:13

And yes myidentity you are absolutely spot on my DS lifts a lot of girls!

Johndoe10 · 25/09/2018 21:15

Ignore your husband and let your son dance!

Happygummibear · 25/09/2018 21:17

Footballers make the best dancers because of the fancy footwork....

Dancing would only help him.... we have loads of boys in our ballroom and Latin classes... helps irradicate social awkwardness as they are already comfortable being close to other humans...

Dancing also helps people to lose their inhibitions....

In the 40/50s dance was how people would meet their prospective partners....

Basically dance is great for anyone doesn't matter the type...

oooerrmissus · 25/09/2018 21:17

My DD's have a male ballet teacher. He's not gay. He is lovely though and his presence encourages other little boys to come to dance lessons.

LagunaBubbles · 25/09/2018 21:20

What objection has your DH got? I can take a wild guess mind you but that would make him belong in the dark ages!

SinkGirl · 25/09/2018 22:06

Is he worried he might become whispers... co-ordinated?

willstarttomorrow · 25/09/2018 22:45

Dancers are incredible athletes. It is probable that your DS may get bored of it just like many children do. Because DD did dance for a while and later cheerleading the skills she learnt have been noted in PE and other acticities. Stunt cheer in paricular, whilst ridiculed, is an amazing to team sport and the young people involved (boys and girls, a few with physical disablity) really build confidence and they are a team.

DD is not traditionally sporty in that she finds the usual team games like football and netball are not for her (you have to be picked for school team to be taken seriously it seems). She is however very active and has amazing athletisim in other ways. I hated sport at school because you had to be good at netball, hockey or running. As an adult I believed I could not do active until I discovered there are other options and they could be fun! Encourage your son to give things a try and he can find what he loves.

MrsTommyBanks · 25/09/2018 23:12

Tell your DH there is nothing sexier than a man that can dance. Because that is a FACT!

On a different level, let your DS dance. Any dance he wants to do.
My youngest really struggled until she found performing arts, acting then dance.
The transformation in her was indescribable tbh. It gave her an outlet of emotion, creativity, and identity. She defiantly bloomed.
Went on to get a 1st with honours off of the back of those dance classes.

TrudeauGirl · 25/09/2018 23:35

Let him choose whatever dance class he wants Sad

bridgetoc · 26/09/2018 00:05

My advice would be to give your DH a kick in the balls, and then let DS go dancing.

Nuts......

TimeIhadaNameChange · 26/09/2018 00:12

Watch Matthew Bourne's all-male Swan Lake wth your DP. If those men aren’t manly I don’t know who is.

Aintnothingbutaheartache · 26/09/2018 00:13

😂bridgetoc 😂 nutcracker!
Op, let your boy dance ffs!

MrsFezziwig · 26/09/2018 00:16

Your DH is an idiot, and you are nearly as bad by saying that you would let DS go to street dance but not ballet. Ballet is blooming hard work and excellent for fitness, coordination and flexibility.

ConsiderHerWaysAndOthers · 26/09/2018 00:16

Ugh this makes me really sad. For all your children, including your daughters. This kind of sexist nonsense in this day and age is pathetic.

SleepingStandingUp · 26/09/2018 00:26

I want to let him (maybe not ballet like DDs do) but DDs also do street dance, which I would be fine with DS doing.

Tbh you're only marginally better than your husband. Why not ballet? Why is Street OK but anything else too girlie and therefore likely to make his penis drop off??

My friends son just graduated Uni with a 1:1 and is touring with Matthew Bournes Swan Lake. It'll be a world tour and if this one isn't, one of them will be soon. He is a good looking boy, has a typical male dancers amazing physique and I can't imagine he's ever wanting for female company (he's also a nice lad). She got ridiculed for letting him dance, he got teased but who is touring the world doing his passion with a load of beautiful girls??

SleepingStandingUp · 26/09/2018 00:27

TimeIhadaNameChange I am in February, can't blooming wait!!!!!!

Really wish I could send DS dancing, he wiggles his bum in rhythm already!