Aibu to consider ear pinning for my dd?

[Thingsthatgo]

My Dd is three. Her ears stick out a lot, and also have a batwing look to them. At the moment her hair covers them (she has curly hair), but if we tie it back they are extremely prominent. The idea of her having surgery that is unnecessary is awful, but I really think that her ears are going to cause her a lot of grief when she is older. I wonder if it is worth doing it before she is very aware of the situation. Please let me know your experiences of ear pinning surgery.
How do I go about it? Gp first? I am not expecting the nhs to pay for it, but I would like advice from a gp.

Please wait, 3 is so young! My daughters ears stuck out but she’s 6 now and they seem to have sorted themselves out.

as per dr.google...it can be performed anytime after the ears are fully formed usually after the age of 5.

Had mine done at 14 after years of bullying! Best things my parents done for me only thing is I wish they had done it sooner!!!

I had mine done at 13 i wish they'd been done when i was younger. Worst thing about it was not being able to wash my hair for ages after.

I think it's a much simpler op now than it was then

Yes, I was bullied a lot regarding my ears. Having said that, there were kids with other 'defects' who didn't get bullied. The fact is, if you're quiet, shy and studious, bullies will find something to make you feel shit about yourself. If you're naturally gregarious and popular you could have a face full of 'defects' and escape relatively unharmed. If my parents had had my ears pinned back it would have sent a strong message to me and the bullies that they had been right all along, that 'sticky out ears' are indeed 'wrong', rather than a normal, common, harmless variation. And do you know what? The bullies would have found something else about me that was 'wrong'. Where does this kind of deference to bullies end? A nose job? Skin lightening? A boob job for flat chested teenage girls?

I have to say that as an adult i barely notice my ears and i wouldn't change them

I actually think the process itself with such a young child could be pretty damaging to the self esteem of a child as the only way to explain it is telling them that you, as parents, don’t think she is perfect just as she is so needs an invasive operation to fix her!

Like I said I had mine done at 10, but that was my choice supported by my parents.

I had mine pinned back as a child, I’m glad it was a non-issue as I grew up.

The slightly pious posters who have brought their children up to mock the bullies etc etc. We ALL try and bring our children up like that but bullying happens and it’s not always possible for even the most resilient child to hold fast against the drip feed of bullying.

The OP is trying to avoid a life ahead where her dd might be bullied or teased about her ears or even worse they might damage her self confidence. Most parents would do the same.

Sirzy - I was a similar age (maybe a bit younger) and my parents said I could have it done if I wanted to but it was my decision. That did help so, OP, as I said earlier, I’m really glad it was a non-issue when I was growing up and I totally understand what your motives are but a caveat to my other post might be that maybe with your dd you might want to wait until she’s a bit older and can be part of the decision so that she can feel confident in making a choice about her own body.

I used Earbuddies on DD when she was 6 months old. I think she had them on for around 6 months.

Your DD would need them on for longer as she is older.

I had mine done at 18 and wish I’d had them done earlier.

I had mine done at 11 after years and years of begging my parents. I was so so sad about my ears, I even had a note explaining I couldn't put my hair up for P. E! I don't recall any pain and I've never been bothered since. I'd wait until she asks but have it done quickly after. It really did plague my childhood and I still don't enjoy seeing photos of me with my "natural" ears.

Haven't RTFT but just wanted to say that when one of my DDs was 3 or 4 we got this done and (she's 23 now) she's eternally grateful! She looks at pics of herself pre op and says ''thanks for getting it done mum''.

I had the same worries as you and as a little one she looked super cute before the op. What's cute at 3 isn't so cute as an adult though so we went for it though and it was all fine.

My ears were amazingly "sticky-outy" which is what I used to call them. But they fixed themselves over time, I often used to lay in bed on one side though to try and make them lay flat.

I think with regards to what we said to her about getting it done - at 3 or 4 they're really not that aware about big issues if you don't make them one. IIRC i said something about sorting her ears so i don't keep catching them with the hairbrush, or whatever. And played up the fun she'd have with the toys in the ward and the chocolate/toy i would get her afterwards.

Part of parenting is making hard decisions and then downplaying them so all goes smoothly. I've got a photo of DD in our old house with her bandage round her head, holding her new toy and grinning away. It was just two or three of weeks of her life 20 years ago.

I had mine done at 7 or 8.

I found the process of being in hospital, the anaesthetic etc fascinating.

It was painful though. I remember the doctor not believing me 3 weeks as I remember crying so much at changing the bandage every day. I did get a slight infection I believe.

Didn't regret it though. My ears look great now

I think maybe wait until she's 5 when she can decide for herself if she wants it done through. As at 5 she will understand a bit more which is important for post op when she's in pain and why and why it's important to do all the bandage changing and cleaning etc.

My husband had it done as a teen and wished his parents had ok'd the op done sooner. He was 14 when he got his ears done and has no regrets.

OK'd the op sooner*

Hi, who was the surgeon who did your otoplasty surgery if you don’t mind me asking? Trying to find a good surgeon as I’m considering the surgery myself. Thanks.

Hi who was the surgeon do you know? I’m trying to find a good surgeon as I’m considering this surgery myself. Thanks.

My ears stuck our terribly all through childhood and my early teens... my hair wouldn't cover them as my ears would poke out. I'm not sure what happened but they flattened themselves out by my late teens and now they're just normal. I was obsessed with the idea of getting my ears pinned but my Mum always refused and I'm glad I didn't now.

Kids made the odd comment growing up but they will always find something to say.

A boyfriend of mine had it and they went back to where they were within 18 months. A friend who is a surgeon abroad said thats because in Britain the follow up treatment isn't done to ensure they remain in place, so success rates in the UK are generally considered low with this operation.

Hey op. I used to have very sticking out ear, but I do remember that I was making sure when I went to sleep it was flat and I always slept on my ear. They are fine now. My dd had the same problem and I always went into her before I went to bed to check if her ear was nice and flat and she was lying on it. She is absolutely fine now. I also knew a girl in my town she also had beautiful curly hair but when she put up her hair her ears were really sticking out but I don’t think it really bothered her because she went out with one of the best looking boy in my town.

My Dsis had her ears pinned back when she was around 4 or 5. They were very nice to her in the children’s hospital and she cried when she had to leave lol. Me and sibling 3 were jealous when she told us about all the toast and toys she had got just by pressing a button she wore a big bandage on her head afterwards. No idea for how long as I was just a child too, i remember it looked a bit like a nappy. I don’t recall her suffering at all and her ears look fine, I’d say go for it while your DD is young