Aibu to consider ear pinning for my dd?

[Thingsthatgo]

My Dd is three. Her ears stick out a lot, and also have a batwing look to them. At the moment her hair covers them (she has curly hair), but if we tie it back they are extremely prominent. The idea of her having surgery that is unnecessary is awful, but I really think that her ears are going to cause her a lot of grief when she is older. I wonder if it is worth doing it before she is very aware of the situation. Please let me know your experiences of ear pinning surgery.
How do I go about it? Gp first? I am not expecting the nhs to pay for it, but I would like advice from a gp.

Just to add balance my youngest has ears that made her look like goblin as a baby they stuck out so well .... we sat ent about glue ear when she was 3 and the surgeon said “ let us know when they bother her and we’ll do them”
Well she’s 19 now and apart from her siblings annoying her she’s not had any trouble . She’s quite happy in her skin. I’m very proud of that but would have had them done if she’d wanted.
I’d wait till she is bothered and wants them doing. I worry about setting kids up for a lifetime of “ I’m not perfect enough” though.

I taped my DDs ear when she was little (6 mo?) Due to various pregnancy complications one ear was out st a 90 degree angle. Taping worked in a couple of months.

My DNephew had really prominent sticking out ears at 3 but at 11 they are not nearly so prominent and are a lot less noticeable. They probably stick out a bit more than some DC but not as obviously as when he was little. She may grow and they may not stick out so much.

Maybe try the tape (if you can get her to tolerate it), whilst she is little.

I had mine done when I was 11.

My doctor actually recommended it. It hurt. A lot

And the scarring hurts if I wear sunglasses but I don’t regret getting it done

I have a friend who's DD had her ears pinned back in the summer between primary and secondary school.

She was old enough to know she wanted it and resilient enough to put up with the pain etc. It was her idea.

She went into high school much more confident and most of her new friends didn't even know her before.

I think younger than that is a bit extreme.

My daughter had it done at 8. She was very self conscious about her ears. She had huge bandages on for a couple of weeks but didn't complain about being in pain. I hope she wasn't.... If so she never said! She also had train track braces as a teenager, she was always beautiful to me but she is now beautiful (stunning in fact) to everyone. X

no way on earth I'd do it for something as innocuous as sticky out ears

Except anyone who has ears as the OP has described will tell you that just because you think it is innocuous and not important does mean that they feel that way. GA is very safe and yes whilst its tragic that sometimes things go wrong you cannot live life worrying that you will be the small minority, I assume you don't react that way to driving your child about .

OP I think it is incredibly considerate to be thinking about the impact on your daughter and I would certainly speak to the GP about the option of using tape. It would be much easier if you could sort it out before she grew too much older. There's no need to wait and risk her being unhappy about her appearance when the fix is so simple and easy.

'Except anyone who has ears as the OP has described will tell you that just because you think it is innocuous and not important does mean that they feel that way. GA is very safe and yes whilst its tragic that sometimes things go wrong you cannot live life worrying that you will be the small minority, I assume you don't react that way to driving your child about.'

I see what you're saying HeadsDown. I agree you can't live your life worrying that you will be the small minority but I also think you can't live your life worrying about what people you don't even know or care about think about your ears, to the extent you get medical treatment to make yourself more acceptable to them. Yes people say nasty things but I don't think the sensible response to that is to say 'I will go and change myself because you don't like how I look'

I’m 47 and had mine done at 8, my step-daughter had hers done at 7.
Neither of us experienced teasing prior to them being done and our parents managed it without making us feel self-conscious or inadequate as we were. I think doing it before secondary but at an age when they can understand is probably a good idea.
It’s not very painful as no big muscle groups are involved.

I had it done when I was around 9 I think. It was sore but I'm so glad I had it done. Mum said the change in my confidence after I had it done was unbelievable. It was sore but it was really worth it in my case. 3 might be a bit young but at least you know it is an option
Gp would be the best place to start.

Just go for it, I had mine done at 14 and both my mum and I wished I'd had it done sooner. I was in and out in the day and it didn't hurt. If she has what I did its not ears that stick out a bit, it's a condition called batwing ear, where the top part of the ear has no fold. To fix it they just score the cartilage to make the fold, very simple op and dissolvable stitches ect. Trying to tape them is extremely uncomfortable and won't achieve the desired effect. I was never bullied for it but always felt very self conscious and hated wearing my hair up, so I never did. I know some schools insist on it now though. If my DS has the same I'm getting it done as soon as he's old enough, no point waiting in my view.

I’ve just read that others found it painful, - sorry about that. We didn’t so it obviously varies.

I had my appendix out a couple of years later and that hurt like fuck afterwards.

to the extent you get medical treatment to make yourself more acceptable to them.

I don't think anyone would it to make themselves more acceptable to others, surely the point is that they have the surgery to give themselves more confidence. Just like people have braces to give themselves confidence when they smile.

If you have ears which stick out so noticeably they worried you, regardless of whether anyone said anything, you worried constantly if they had noticed your ears or if new people remembered you because you were the one with sticky out ears. If you could change that to make them stand out less your telling me that you wouldn't do it?

No I wouldn't. Confidence doesn't come from how you look IMO and I think trying to change your appearance to control how other people think of you doesn't really make sense to me - confidence is about being ok with how you look even if others do remember you as the one with the sticky out ears or the frizzy hair or whatever.

Very good friend of mine had one ear stick out more than the other, she was miserable about it for years and years. Eventually had it fixed about age 15/16 and was so so happy. I think early puberty around 13yrs was the worst, we always reassured her but she was paranoid everyone was laughing at her ear

We have 4 family members who had very sticky-out ears as children, 3 girls and one boy, to the extent that 2 rocked their nicknames of Dumbo and Batty, and by adulthood had 'grown in to them'. Personally I'm all about the character and less about the appearance with my DCs. We've experienced essential surgery with one DC here, and I wouldn't consider cosmetic surgery except in extreme circumstances. Unfortunately some children (and even adults) will comment, tease or bully on anything, real or imagined, and so I've tried to bring my DCs up to recognise that, be resilient to it, laugh at themselves and the bullies, and then we deal with anything more serious very directly. I'm sure you love her just the way she is, OP, and I would help her to grow up just loving and accepting herself and, as importantly, to be kind to others. Tape or surgery, especially at this young age, will draw attention to it for her, and make it an issue for her - at the moment it's just an issue for you.

'Unfortunately some children (and even adults) will comment, tease or bully on anything, real or imagined, and so I've tried to bring my DCs up to recognise that, be resilient to it, laugh at themselves and the bullies, and then we deal with anything more serious very directly. I'm sure you love her just the way she is, OP, and I would help her to grow up just loving and accepting herself and, as importantly, to be kind to others. Tape or surgery, especially at this young age, will draw attention to it for her, and make it an issue for her - at the moment it's just an issue for you.'

I agree entirely with this. If you respond to bullying/teasing (or even possible bullying and teasing in this case) by changing yourself, it can become a slippery slope where one thing is fixed but you still don't feel right, so you fix something else - trying to be so perfect that no one will ever comment on you is a fool's errand - everyone gets comments and looks and nasty remarks and the aim should be to simply not care about stupid comments.

As someone sho grew up with the nickname 'trumpet ears ' YANBU !!!

to the extent you get medical treatment to make yourself more acceptable to them

It's not about that though, it's about looking in the mirror and the first thing you see are you ears sticking out. Not being comfortable with having your hair in a ponytail. My ex step son had his pinned back because he was teased at school. He went into school a confident little boy but the teasing wore him down, post op he was back to his confident self. GAs are extremely safe now. And as someone rightly said upthread, do you travel with your children by car? A quick search on the net renders the following result

The odds of dying in a car accident in a given year in the United States are about 1/10,000. Mortality attributable to general anesthesia is less than 1/100,000

As a concept it’s no different to having braces to improve teeth. Both my dds have them and their teeth weren’t even that bad! I’d just get it done op.

I had mine aged 20. I really wish I done it earlier. They're PERFECT now. Back when I was a child plastic surgery wasn't popular

I strongly recommend it your consider it. A bit painful after, but v quick recovery. I think you can do it when's she's 5, so her ears are in the "final" shape

Im not sure on the process however i had mine done when i was 8ish. Im so glad i had it done, for many years (now 37) i still felt they stuck out a bit and because i was made fun of very young i was scared to wear my hair up in public. Only now am i brave enough to do it. If i had t had the op it would have been much worse.

Pain wise it was ok, i remember wearing a big bandage on my head and not being able to wash my hair, it hurt getting stiches out but im sure it will be better these days.

I read an article years ago about a lady putting a soft headband on her baby at night time and over time they started to look etter and stick out less, not sure if a DR would advise that though

I had mine done at 23 depite begging my parents from about the age of 7 to have them done. I wish I could have got them done as a child.
They stuck out a lot, I hated when I had to wear my hair back and would carefully pull the hair over the ears to hold them down, if my hair was down I was always fluffing it up to stop my ears from sticking through. I know it’s only an appearance thing, but it did have an effect on me and leave an imprint on my childhood that could have been avoided. Children are mean and big ear jokes (FA cup, dumbo etc etc) are horrid to have to put up with.
If she is happy to have it done I’d say go for it as soon as possible

Just let my 9 year old have it done. His confidence has just increased more than you can imagine. He was always hiding behind his floppy long hair. Now he has a normal hair cut and you can see his lovely face.
I did wait for him to ask though. I knew he would the minute he came home saying 'such and such called me Dumbo

I’d say go for it. I would personally and I think you’re right to look into it so early so you can nib it in the bud before her teens. The anaesthetic would be quick and she’d be back on her feet in no time