To think something is wrong with me?

[stillscottishwater]

I'm sorry this might be long ..Thankyou if you read.
I've suffered with Pvcs (feel like skipped heartbeats but are extra beats ) since 2012.
Doctor said stress/anxiety.
I'm having a rough time since June with them (with good spells in between)
I've had every test imaginable and luckily my heart is healthy and nothing sinister is causing them.
I'm 32 and I look after my nan full time.
I have my dad and that's it for family.
My mum died of cancer when I was 13 and I've never got over it and never will.
I cry for her every day.
For a while now I've felt awful,i feel so sad,but a different type of sad,I've got nothing to make me happy.
I feel pointless like my life is disgusting,I have no boyfriend or children,I have to watch all my friends with children and a family and I'm here with nothing because obviously that's what I deserve.
My whole is looking after my nan and I feel so angry all the time now,my blood pressure feels sky high.
I have these Pvcs but they are okay till I leave the house and as soon as I'm outside they begin.
Today they were every few seconds whilst I was in town and then I got home and within seconds they stopped.
I always feel really hot and I get upset stomachs and headaches.
I feel a tight feeling round my throat a lot.
When I leave my nans I get home and think I've left the cooker on so have to rush back and check that all the plugs are off.
Or I will think I've left the door open and she will get out and fall down the stairs and die and it's my fault.
These Pvcs are ruining my life.
I've had blood tests,heart scans ,ecgs,Holter monitors etc and I'm perfectly healthy apparently.
Smear test was fine,swabs were fine,mri scan fine.
Last week things were awful and I ended up scratching all my face because ...well I don't know why.
I'm googling things it might be and I've found a few things but I know the doctors will say anxiety blah blah.
I was getting ready today and I was crying putting my make up on...I felt so low,I knew when I left home the skipped beats would start and they did.

I'm going to have to.
Had no Pvcs all day then as soon as I step foot out of my Nanas door to walk home they started every 5 seconds.
I'm totally worn out with this

Ok good luck!

Update us once you've had your appointment.

Your GP is very uninformed about depression. You are depressed, caring is highly stressful & you need grief counselling: and you are having panic attacks (nausea, tight chest etc). Google Cruse Bereavement for free grief counselling. (I lost my Dad at 19, so I know how crippling your Mum's loss is for you ). And please take your Sertraline, just to get you over this 'hump' & until you feel better: then you can come off them. Depressions an illness, if you were diabetic you'd take your insulin wouldn't you?

Also you need very regular breaks from caring for your Nan: see a friend, or volunteer or pursue a hobby, or exercise. Do you have any pets, they're a great de stressor & such a comfort when my depression hits. Things can get better. Very best of luck.

It definitely sounds like you have anxiety, depression and maybe OCD (I say this with absolutely no medical knowledge, just experience). I would give the medication a try, it can certainly help. I've been on and off anti depressants for years and when I need them they help massively, even if I sometimes have to start on a low dose and build up til I know they're working. It does sound like it's likely anxiety that's causing your irregular heartbeats and if the medication can help with that at least, that will be a weight off your mind. And I would definitely look into grief counselling, even though it's been so long. There's no time limit on grief and you were such a vulnerable age when you lost your mum, being able to talk about it with someone neutral can only help. It doesn't sound like your dad is any help at all, so I'd honestly not bother telling him the way you're feeling etc, especially if he makes you feel like a child again. You're not, you're an adult who has a right to be treated like one. As for your nan, do get in touch with Age UK as others have said, and also see if your GP has any help on offer for carers. I know my GP does.

oh OP, well done for reaching out with this post. Things sound really tough right now. You've had some lovely advice already, which I really hope helps.
You deserve to be healthy and happy. You will get there. xx

Google Syncope Trust and Reflex Anoixic Seisures - STARS
They will be able to help you with your heart issues - they are really helpful.

Please please take the medication, it does work for lots of people. What have you got to lose? You coukd just see it as tempirary until the counselling starts. IF you have side effects you go back to the GP. Of course see another GP for a second opinion but they are highly likely to tell you got take the medication.

Most of what you've described is anxiety/depression related. Much ofnit sounds like health anxiety. You are young and have a wonderful future ahead of you, you will get through it but you deserve to be enjoying life now. The medication will help you do that

You're not ill. These are all anxiety symptoms.

stillscottishwater is ill, anxiety at this level is very much an illness, and no less valid than a physical condition. Anxiety can be completely debilitating, and the symptoms can be very scary and extremely tiring. I've spent the past two weeks in chronic pain, not unusual for me but it was triggered by a particularly bad panic attack.

I hope you get some support soon scottish. You give so much in helping your grandma, you deserve the support you need to get you well too.

Thankyou everyone for all your advice.
It's very much appreciated

Had no Pvcs all day then as soon as I step foot out of my Nanas door to walk home they started every 5 seconds.
I'm totally worn out with this

It doesn’t matter if they start - they’re benign, they won’t do you any harm. You just need to get used to them.

As you tackle your anxiety they may well decrease anyway.

Disabrie
I never thought about RAS. It doesn’t manifest at all like this in my dd. She literally “dies” as in drops to the floor with a bang and goes purple lipped when her heart stops beating / slows to an imperceptible level.

If it is medical I would say more like POTS. But anyway op RAS and POTS are (or at least can be) related. So yes, STARS could be a good starting point. But also google POTS. Lots of GPs don’t even know it exists.

To add to that. I had a lot of POTS symptoms before my hysterectomy. You say you think you may have endometriosis. I had that and adenomyosis. My uterus was massive. My blood pressure is a lot better since. I was seen by a very experienced gynaecologist, who can spot adenomyosis on the scan. Not all radiographers can see it. It can also be detected by MRI.

Last time I was at hospital my blood pressure was high 145/70 and they measured it standing too.
I don't drink much fluids and I know I need to drink more,sometimes I'm lucky if I drink half a glass of liquids per day.
I don't even know if I've got endo,I've seen a gynaecologist who has said in a few months I could have a lap if I want.
She did a smear and swabs and a ultrasound all Ok but I know endo doesn't show up unless you have a LAP.

Please try and stop (over) focussing on your physical health and get help for your mental health

Endo is determined by laparoscopy but depending on the adhesions it’s not always possible to see everything. It also shows up on mri. When you see them, ask your gynae

1. if they can offer this as an alternative.
2. if they did a laparoscopy would they remove all the adhesions before sewing you up? I know this sounds like a no brainer but you would need to check as it may not be that straightforward.

Have a look at this site. www.radiologyassistant.nl/en/p4da490c32edcc/mri-detection-of-endometriosis.html

My gna. refused the MRI as she said there wasn't enough evidence that it showed endo even tho I've read it does.
She would only give me laparoscopic surgery even tho it's not what I want.
Another thing to worry about.

OP - please focus on and get help for your mental health

145 over 70 is not really high just a bit raised. And could be accounted for by white coat syndrome whereby people’s BP rises when it’s by a health professional.

Ah dear, I am sorry to read all of this. As a starting point, you're very much a worthwhile person. This is going to sound very woo, but you're going through a horrendous time, but that doesn't mean you're worth any less than anybody else in the world.

Boyfriends: Not all they're cracked up to be. Even if you do find an awesome one (and they do exist) relying on them to prop up your self-worth isn't a good thing.

Qualifications: Sure, they count for a lot in some fields. But, that doesn't mean that your life is in any way disgusting just because you don't have any. Is there a chance you could take on something at a local college or through the Open University? (Sorry if that has already been suggested).

I'll echo what others have said about seeing your GP again, or possibly seeing another one. It may also help to see what self-referral programs exist in your area. I can't speak for every NHS trust, but some offer programs such as 'Activate Your Life'. When I was suffering with anxiety as a student, I used a site called Better Help where I found cheap-ish counselling sessions. If you can afford that, please consider it. They do offer discounts and although most of the practitioners are based in America, they can set appointments at your time schedule and are lovely. There's also a site called In The Rooms that has specific support groups and live chats for niche scenarios (I used the one for kids of alcoholic parents for quite some time.)

It's also worth discussing your concerns RE the Sertraline with your GP. I'm guessing they gave you the brief on how it takes a few weeks and you may feel slightly more rubbish before you feel better. Discussing this further might help, but they may also explore an alternative. It also sounds as though your GP's approach may not have provided you with the degree of support you need.

Sorry if I've not made many useful suggestions, but I've been there myself and I know how it feels. If you want to PM me, please do so. I'm always good for a listen/rant :) x

(BTW, I've not RTFT...just didn't want to read and run)