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AIBU?

to feel that DH's work should not expect him to get a passport?

176 replies

Thebewilderbeest · 25/09/2018 11:02

DH is a TA in a special needs secondary school. The assistant head has asked him to go on a ski trip to France in January. Going on residential trips is not expected as part of the job role and is done by staff on a purely voluntary basis. He has already been away on residential trips in this country - something that many of the staff, particularly at his level, refuse to do on the grounds that they don't get paid enough. He tends to put himself forward for these trips as the students get so much out of them and without staff willing to go they wouldn't happen.

He doesn't have a passport, he has no need to go abroad and we aren't planning on taking any foreign holidays any time soon. When our passports expired we made the decision not to renew them as it seemed like a waste of money as we have no intentions of leaving the country.

DH has told the assistant head that he would be willing to go on the ski trip but can't because he doesn't have a passport. The assistant head is now pressuring him into getting a passport so he can go, as they have a lack of willing volunteers. DH is feeling like he is being guilted into doing it for the students and that he is letting the team down if he says no.

Am I being unreasonable to be a bit annoyed at the prospect of us forking out £75 for something that DH is not going to have a use for after the trip? Not to mention having to pay for appropriate clothing/gear which again, he will have no use for afterwards. He won't be doing any skiing as they have instructors for that but he's still going to be out on the slopes all day.

I've been saying that I think he should say no. We aren't very high earners and it will put a dent in our budget. He is on the fence about it. AIBU?

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Uncreative · 25/09/2018 11:05

If they want him to have a passport so badly, then can pay for it. He obviously pulls his own weight when it comes to there voluntary trips. They cannot compell him to get one and continued pressure should be flagged up to SLT.

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Rainycloudyday · 25/09/2018 11:05

I agree he shouldn't pay for one, but equally I doubt the school will be able to pay for it. So ultimately he isn't an appropriate volunteer for this trip and the school shouldn't be pressuring him.

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movinonup · 25/09/2018 11:07

He shouldn't be out of pocket for this.
If work would be willing to cover the costs then fine, Other than that he should tell them only U.K trips from now on.

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Notacluewhatthisis · 25/09/2018 11:08

How would you feel if they agreed to pay but only if he used it for work? They have it for the rest of the time.

Can you really say you will definitely not go abroad for the next 10 years? How do you know?

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jenthehen · 25/09/2018 11:08

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all. The education system relies too heavily on goodwill (I know from experience) and this is taking it too far. No other area of employment would expect employees to be out of pocket for extra work. I would tell him to explain clearly his, very viable, reasons. If school were able to fund his passport and provide the required winter clothing then say he may reconsider. I also think time should be given off in lieu at s time to suit your family.

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RangeRider · 25/09/2018 11:09

Why say you're willing to go if you don't have the passport or clothes required and aren't prepared to pay for them? Just don't show willing in the first place.....

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viques · 25/09/2018 11:10

I imagine that being a special needs school they need a higher than average pupil/teacher ratio so finding enough warm suitable bodies is a problem.

If they want him to go they should pay for the passport, but be warned they will probably use that as blackmail material for future trips, either in the UK or abroad.

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CoughLaughFart · 25/09/2018 11:10

How would you feel if they agreed to pay but only if he used it for work? They have it for the rest of the time.

Can you really say you will definitely not go abroad for the next 10 years? How do you know?

This is a ridiculous scenario.

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AmIRightOrAMeringue · 25/09/2018 11:10

Any business (and I appreciate schools aren't profit making) would pay for this. It's not fair to ask him to give up his free time plus pay hundreds of pounds for the privilege.

I'd tell him to say he would be prepared to do it if they pay for a passport and expenses towards winter clothes (if he wants to). It's really unreasonable to expect him to pay for this and I wouldn't do that on principle.

You may be able to borrow some ski gear if you've got any friends that ski or get some cheap at aldi or second hand

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ZorbaTheHoarder · 25/09/2018 11:10

Could you perhaps see it as something positive, i.e. that it would be broadening his career options if he did have a passport?

I do find it strange that you have taken the decision never to leave the country again, but I do understand that people have different approaches to life...

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HoleyCoMoley · 25/09/2018 11:12

They can't make him go, he just has to stand firm and say sorry he can't go, he doesn't need to explain.

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greendale17 · 25/09/2018 11:12

YABU- why did you husband volunteer in the first place when he knew he didn’t have a passport???? He obviously was hoping the school would pay for his free passport.

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redshoeblueshoe · 25/09/2018 11:13

Why did he say he was willing to go if he doesn't have a passport ?

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Twotailed · 25/09/2018 11:14

yanbu but why did he say he would be happy to go if he did have a passport? That clearly isn’t the case, the clothing is an issue too. It sounds a bit like your DH wanted to show willing without following through, and it’s bitten him on the bum. He shouldn’t feel the need to do so as he’s clearly pulling his weight on U.K. trips.

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Cath2907 · 25/09/2018 11:15

If school wants him to go they can pay for passport

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Omzlas · 25/09/2018 11:15

An aside - I thought you could travel in the EU with photographic ID, not necessarily a passport, a driving licence etc?

Maybe I have that arse upwards, it wouldnt surprise me this morning

YANBU re: passport, they can't pressure him into getting one and perhaps it needs reporting further up the chain of command

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m00rfarm · 25/09/2018 11:15

The OP clearly says that her OH was ASKED if he could go on the trip and he said that he did not have a passport therefore it was not feasible. At no point did the OP say that her OH had volunteered for this particular trip.

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MissusGeneHunt · 25/09/2018 11:16

He certainly shouldn't be made to feel guilty for saying no.

I am presuming that he does more trips away than others, and is always willing to jump in an volunteer for stuff? Poor bloke, they need to give him a rest. (Not sarky!).

If it's a secondary school, how many staff work there, and how many are required to go to ensure H&S and safeguarding is covered, plus the needs of the students?

Just out of interest, are the school paying the fares and everything for the teachers and TAs who go? Plus the equipment hire?

If he decides after all that this is a 'I might go, depending', it's worth asking whether the school are willing to stump up for salopettes, gloves, jacket etc, as it's working time - therefore he'll need 'protection' against the weather....could come under PPE legislation (I'm a H&S advisor, so please don't flame me, it could fit in if it's a work requirement)....

I'm only trying to see if there are other ways he may be able to say 'yes', as long as the school foot the bill (that way you have the £75 passport fee, lasts ten years, and then it's done) for everything else.

But on face value, I don't think he or you are being unreasonable.

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NoLeslie · 25/09/2018 11:17

My company pays for staff passports if they need to go abroad as it's not a usual part of the job. It seems fair. I also think he should be given some money towards suitable clothing to keep him warm and safe. TK maxx is a good ski wear place. Or ask around to borrow from others.

It is really good of teachers to volunteer for trips and they should get lots of support imo.

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DunesOfSand · 25/09/2018 11:18

@AmIRightOrAMeringue of the 3 UK companies DH and I have travelled with (and the current non UK one) valid passports are our responsibility. None of the companies would pay for a passport for us. Visas yes. Passports no.
On the plus side, it means DH get offered some amazing trips now, as he is one of the few that can travel visa free round Europe (for the next few months...)

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Thebewilderbeest · 25/09/2018 11:18

YABU- why did you husband volunteer in the first place when he knew he didn’t have a passport???? He obviously was hoping the school would pay for his free passport.

He didn't volunteer. They asked him and he said I would if he could but he can't. He doesn't need a passport, why would he want a free one?

OP posts:

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CoughLaughFart · 25/09/2018 11:18

I do find it strange that you have taken the decision never to leave the country again, but I do understand that people have different approaches to life...

This is a rather condescending, and inaccurate, comment. Where has the OP said they will ‘never’ go abroad again? Not having a passport right now does not mean never having one again if necessary.

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Notacluewhatthisis · 25/09/2018 11:19

DH has told the assistant head that he would be willing to go on the ski trip but can't because he doesn't have a passport.

OP said they asked, then said he said he was willing to go.

This is a ridiculous scenario.

It's not though. Why would the school pay for his passport when this maybe the only trip he ever goes in for them. But he gets to use this is for private use?

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Neshoma · 25/09/2018 11:19

They should have thought about staffing before deciding on a foreign trip.

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Thebewilderbeest · 25/09/2018 11:20

Just to clarify:

I'm not suggesting that the school should pay for his passport.

He didn't volunteer for the trip, the assistant head asked him and his response was 'I would go, but don't have a passport'

My question is should he be made to feel like he should get a passport.

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