Angry Mum vs School. Who is Being Unreasonable?

[strawberrisc]

9 year old sneaks onto school trip. Gets mild telling off at home then parents blast the school. Who IBU? www.facebook.com/922716137773390/posts/2145294778848847/

We once took a trip to London, in the '70s, halfway back up the M1 we discovered that the 15/16 year old pupils had smuggled two boys on board, they'd been on a trip from their school in the Midlands. Cue a services stop, many phone calls, a long wait and very irrate parents coming to collect them, promising that they wouldn't see the light of day for months! Long before the DM sad faces competition!

I don't think that it is so bad to have an extra child on the trip. I'm sure they would have noticed if someone was missing but am extra is easy to hide/not notice. I'm a bit confused about whether she was supposed to be a school though. It would be a bit concerning if she was absent from school and the school failed to notice/notify parents.

I feel sorry for the girl. Imagine being the only one of your friends or peer group not going on a trip. Being left behind to do a day of wasted work.

No wonder she wanted to try her luck. Yes it was naughty but shes 9 and that level of cunning takes quite some planning and undertaking. Cant blame her for trying. Quite clever really.

FFS the teacher would not have been in trouble because the child misbehaved. They would be in trouble because basic safeguarding wasn't followed.

What is that people don't get? Safeguarding is a safety net. If there was never a possibility of anything going wrong (including children misbehaving) there would be no need of it. But things do go wrong. Children do misbehave.

Do people expect their seat belts or air bags to only work in accidents that are not their fault? Of course not. If you made an error and had to slam on the brakes whilst driving, you would expect the seat belt to protect your child in the car. And if it didn't you would make a fuss about it. You would certainly want the fault rectified before you drove the car again. Whether or not you were taken to task for careless driving.

Regardless of the child's behaviour (which was obviously naughty) she is nine, she knew what she was doing yes, but she is not old enough to understand the full ramifications of what she did.
It should never have happened, she should never have got as far as getting on the bus if loading the kids into the coach had been done properly.
But ultimately, the child could have got left behind at wherever the destination was, she wasn't supposed to be there so she could easily have just been left unaccounted for miles from home. Anything could have happened to her - got in a cr with a stranger, got lost and been out all night etc etc. All manner of awful things, that a nine year old on a prank wouldn't think of.

You count the children on and you have a register and you constantly check you have all (not less not more)the children for whom you are responsible. I haven't read the article (couldn't find much info from the link) so I don't know how she got onto the bus but it should never have happened and at that point the school were responsible for her, once she left her home and arrived at school they are in loco parentis, so her absence in class (assuming she was left behind to do lessons) should have been noted and so should her presence on the bus.

As for what kind of child she is there may be umpteem things we don't know about her that led to this. Kids do stupied things, because they are kids. It's up to adults - parents and teachers, to keep them safe. I think this is being treated a bit too lightly with people saying 'she'll go far' or 'she a determined little madam' etc. This could all have ended in an unthinkable tragedy.

KurriKurri exactly. what if "some determined little madam" would have decided to stay behind and go live in the woods somewhere?

I think the fault lies with the child. Yeah yeah safeguarding etc but she is 9, not a baby, and if a child is determined to "cheat the system" they will.

@PhilomenaButterfly I wasn't saying that pupil premium funding was the only way to pay for the trips. I haven't worked in a school which would let children miss out because their parents can't afford it. In my current school there are always meetings with anybody that says their child isn't going to ensure that money isn't the reason.

I'm a bit disappointed at all the bashing of the child in question - she was 9 and I would say quite enterprising for her age but way to young to understand all of the safeguarding and other consequences of her actions. Yes she'd know it was "naughty" but also a bit of an adventure . I can easily imagine year 9s (ie 4 years older) pulling a stunt like this and again seeing it as a laugh and not thinking the consequences through. It might well not have been her idea originally either - IME there is usually a bright kid behind this sort of thing who gets a "stooge" to do the naughty stuff and this is the sort of prank that has usually been planned and carried out by a group rather than just one child.

The school have had a big safeguarding fail and I hope that they will tighten their procedures up.

What the child did, was not malicious. Not exemplary behaviour - but she did not intend any harm. And whatever punishment now, this will be remembered fondly for many years to come.
Safeguarding is the key. Responsible adults were negligent. If something bad happened, "the child was naughty" wouldn't be a good enough excuse.

She's 9, some of you are just so unpleasant :(

burblife certainly at my DC's school, if you can't afford it, they can't go. Last year yr6 went to Butlins, there were enough places left for all of yr5. Only 3 of yr5 could afford to go, DD was one of them.

I am surprised none of the other children dobbed her in.

The school noticed pretty quickly. It might have been ‘half way to wales’ but that’s only about 20 minutes from where the set off.

They should have noticed before the coach moved. Any later is a safeguarding issue.

I can't see 9 year olds dobbing her in. They would think it a right laugh, maybe if someone had a serious grudge or something.

I hope the CF child's parents were forced to pay for the headteacher's petrol and time.

In fairness I think schools are more concerned about missing children, not additional ones!

I think the parents should be made to pay and learn how to parent properly.
normal kids don't do this, it's how they're raised. daft cow!

I suspect she wanted to go on the school residential because they are sold as being a great time, she couldn't because her parents couldn't or wouldn't pay for it so thinking like a 9 year old not someone on Mumsnet she just thought she could sneak on to the trip and if she thought of it any further than that she probably would have thought "aw if I get caught they will let me stay"
Her mum has a point and if she was slightly better spoken with a different choice of names for her children, I suspect more people on here would say well they should know who was on the bus.
There should have been a phone-call to ask where she was that day before they realised she was on the trip.

Why shouldn't she be annoyed that she sent her child to school and the school lost track of her child once she was through the gates and into their loco-parentis care.

The thing I'm judgy of is that the parents went to the local paper first and are only now "preparing" to make a formal complaint to the school.

If you really care about safeguarding your child, follow it up with school, don't go and get sad face photos taken to get your child in the paper.

Standard chav family by the sounds of it. I bet they've already contacted one of the law firms that touts for trade in the Jeremy Kyle add break in a bid to get comp-en-say-shun.

I'd like to think this wouldn't happen at our school, as I've seen my son off on 3 school trips so far and they tick them off at the school gate before they are allowed to get on the bus, so any extras trying to sneak on would be stopped at the school gate, not get anywhere near the bus. Also, but it is a small school, our teachers know all the students by sight and name, so would know if someone shouldn't be there because they're not on the list.

Re. the cost of the trip - same in Australia, we have 4 residential trips that the students can do, in years 3 - 6 - they're great for the kids, really good for confidence building etc. Yes, they're expensive (depending on distance and time away) but, like in the UK, there are hardship funds and payment plans available. Most manage to go - the ones who don't are usually those with entirely disengaged families (we have a few of those, low socio-economic demographic area) or the ones who actively do not want to go because of anxiety or other issues. Even then, these children are supported and encouraged to go wherever possible, and most do manage it.

I do think the parents were right to address the school's safeguarding but I don't think they were at all right to take it to the press. So to some extent I do think there was an element of self-promotion involved - but I wouldn't want to expose my DD's atrocious behaviour to the world like that! I'd be mortified!

Just to keep everything on track -

1 - They found her 15 minutes into the trip according to comments BTL
2 - The mother had paid already, and just the day before said that her daughter was no longer going. Again, according to aunt or similar.

Can only imagine that it was therefore some kind of punishment, the not going, and she decided to go anyway.

Back to it!

With the additional facts Iborgia shared, right little devious madam and adds another layer to chavviness to the mother running to the paper, posing for photos. IMO

Both facts are irrelevant.

She shouldn’t have been on the coach at all and safeguarding failed for that to happen.