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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL dropped a pill by baby's playmat and didn't tell me

102 replies

IABURQO · 24/09/2018 12:50

More of a WWYD. Let's start by being clear that everyone is lovely and I get along well with all of them.

We had people here at the weekend and there are two crawling babies; ours and BIL/SILs. I've just found a pill on the floor next to the playmat for the babies; nobody told either of us that they had dropped a pill. The only people with pills they take in the day are MIL and AIL.

If it was AIL, then she sees the babies rarely and it's better to say nothing because she just got back on good terms with PIL, who would both be angry if they thought AIL wasn't taking enough care around the babies.

Given the seat the pill was next to, it was more likely MIL however, who does see the babies a lot. DH thinks she must have not realised or would have told us, but she carries daily pills so I don't see how she wouldn't have noticed. She has the babies visit at her house, she might get them on her own at some points and she's around them an awful lot; so I feel like it would be useful to remind her to be super careful with the pills. However nicely I put it, I know it'll upset her that she'll know she's done something very wrong, and as above if it actually isn't her pill then unfortunately it's likely to cause big issues with AIL. But I'm not happy that there was a pill on the floor where my baby plays and nobody gave me a chance to look for it.

As a side point, should I tell SIL so she can remember to be careful with the baby on their floor? That could cause issues with her taking their baby round less and if I was telling MIL I think is unnecessary.

So, who would you tell (if anyone)?

OP posts:
RoboticSealpup · 24/09/2018 15:44

Exmil put a stool next to the bed so dc could get on and jump on it!
Bathroom window fully open also!
It's like she laughed at safety matters tbh! Everyone in both my and DHs family are like this. It's fucking exhausting.

DaisyDreaming · 24/09/2018 15:48

I drop pills all the time in my room (so don’t allow small children or pets in there). As there were multiple people there I would tell everyone someone had accidentally dropped a pill on the floor and luckily you found it before the babies did and you hope everyone is ok as they missed a dose. That way there’s no blame, you are pointing out the babies could of been hurt but less directly than saying they were by the play mat and no one is accused or offended (and yet will be more careful)

HidingFromMyKids · 24/09/2018 15:51

Next time someone could drop two pills, especially if they need to take multiple. You come across one and think oh thank goodness I found it first, when the baby may have ingested another. Don't risk not saying something.

BertrandRussell · 24/09/2018 15:52

If she deliberately didn't pick it up then she is dangerously unhinged. If she dropped it accidentally, then telling her so she can get a better bag or box or whatever is the way forward. No big drama- just tell her and move on. It was an accident.

Original poster
IABURQO · 24/09/2018 16:23

I asked the pharmacist what it was, he said it's a beta-blocker called bisoprolol so definitely MIL. As per majority advice, I called her. She'd dropped one pill in the bathroom, couldn't find it and thought it was in her rucksack. I explained it was next to the baby's playmat and obviously it was dangerous as either baby could have eaten it. She was shocked and upset, I don't think it had occurred to her. We're agreed that in future it's safest to say if a pill has been dropped so everyone can search. There was only one pill. I don't think I need to tell anyone else, will give SIL a pretend story to be more aware of pills.

OP posts:
Johndoe10 · 24/09/2018 16:24

I really don’t think you need to identify the pill. It could be anything. Both people need to be asked if they lost a tablet and where it was found. If neither one owns up at least who ever it is will know and be more careful

Johndoe10 · 24/09/2018 16:24

Cross post

nokidshere · 24/09/2018 18:19

I asked the pharmacist what it was, he said it's a beta-blocker called bisoprolol so definitely MIL. As per majority advice, I called her. She'd dropped one pill in the bathroom, couldn't find it and thought it was in her rucksack. I explained it was next to the baby's playmat and obviously it was dangerous as either baby could have eaten it. She was shocked and upset, I don't think it had occurred to her. We're agreed that in future it's safest to say if a pill has been dropped so everyone can search. There was only one pill. I don't think I need to tell anyone else, will give SIL a pretend story to be more aware of pills.

There you go 👍🏻 sorted with a calm conversation.

TheOrigBrave · 24/09/2018 18:22

Really? It hadn't occurred to her that losing a tablet in a house with babies was something to be concerned about?
That would be my main worry then.
Does she know hot cups of tea are dangerous? Sharp knives?

Sorry OP but I think you're trying to justify why you told her it was dangerous.

mypointofview · 24/09/2018 19:01

She thought it was in her rucksack so didn't think more of it.

Original poster
IABURQO · 24/09/2018 19:19

She hasn't been around babies really for over 30 years @TheOrigBrave. It sounds crazy that she didn't think of it, but she was really shocked and scared when she thought of the consequences. She's a kind and decent woman, she'll be more careful in future. The rucksack story sounds plausible to me, plus if she was in the first floor bathroom she wouldn't imagine the baby will be on the floor in there for months.

OP posts:
RoboticSealpup · 24/09/2018 19:42

She was shocked and upset, I don't think it had occurred to her. I'm sure it probably hadn't. I don't know how many times I've made family members "shocked and upset" when pointing out the obvious. I don't know, maybe people genuinely just forget how vulnerable babies are after a certain number of years. Even my DSis, who was a pretty anxious mum when her children were small does stupid things like let my DD to play with sidewalk crayons on the street outside her house ("looked after" by her 8-year old cousin).

MsHomeSlice · 24/09/2018 20:02

dh's whole family are iffy with pills and it drives me mad...they like to make a three act play of taking them so it's find the pills, pop them out, slip them into a pocket or maybe carry them about or set them on the arm of the chair, find a clock to make sure it's the right time, find a drink....drives me bonkers. Have had tell dh off about balancing paracetamol on his mat next to his cup...he doesn't do it anymore and he did get much more vigilant and cautious when his parents were here

BertrandRussell · 24/09/2018 20:09

She misplaced it In the atheism, couldn't find it, decided she had dropped into her rucksack and thought no more about it. But it was caught in her sleeve or something and it fell out unnoticed. Unless she does it again it's sow thing that could happen to anybody. She will be hyper vigilant from now on.

BertrandRussell · 24/09/2018 20:10

Atheism = bathroom!

M3lon · 25/09/2018 01:20

betrand that's some revealing autocorrect there....have you been on too many creationist threads recently :)

Jenny70 · 25/09/2018 05:27

My parents were/are shocking with dropping tablets, children are old enough now, but now it's the dog I worry about! They constantly take their pills all over the house, carry them, balanced on plates (when they roll off etc). I would suggest to MIL that she takes pills in one location of the house, bathroom/kitchen... then suggest a vacuum before baby comes, or close the door to that room.

inquiquotiokixul · 25/09/2018 05:53

Stop trying to be a whodunnit detective - the uncertainty about whose pill it is really works in your favour and allows you to talk about it without blame or accusation. ie:

"I just wanted to let you know - I've no idea which grownup did this and who it is isn't important because we all need to learn from it. I found a pill on the floor just next to the babies and obviously it could have been really serious if a baby had found it and put it in their mouth. So from now on until the babies are old enough not to eat things they find in the floor can we all please have a rule that if we need to take a pill we go into the bathroom or kitchen so that if one gets dropped the babies are safe?"

Because of the uncertainty, if anyone gets defensive or offended you can reiterate that you aren't accusing them, it's not about who did it but about the important lesson that everyone needs to take from it.

shearwater · 25/09/2018 06:09

Speak to her in person. Don't send a group message! Awful way of dealing with it.

Original poster
IABURQO · 25/09/2018 10:16

It's amazing how many of you have pill droppers in the family! Hopefully this will be a good lesson for PIL and I'll make sure my family are told explicitly to be careful with their pills before our Christmas visit too. Thanks everyone for your advice.

OP posts:
SirVixofVixHall · 25/09/2018 13:23

Pill dropping is so easy to do. Both dd (13) and I are on medication for the same thyroid condition, and we occasionally drop a pill, they are tiny (thyroxine) so we have to sweep or hoover the bathroom sometimes, as in our case the worry is our dog eating it.

Bouledeneige · 25/09/2018 13:27

It's possible they didn't realise they dropped it and certain they didn't mean to.

I'd leave it myself - or only mention it casually.

They're not exactly going to say 'oh I thought it would be okay' are they? It's not a deliberate act so difficult to deliberately avoid in future.

36degrees · 25/09/2018 13:40

I don't think a lot of people realise how dangerous it is until they really stop and think about it. We were at Centerparcs with PILs who misplaced/didn't bring enough controlled substance-type pills for a very serious condition FIL had.

MIL rang the switchboard to try to find the nearest doctor and attempt to get an emergency prescription and was surprised when they immediately sent a team to our accommodation to try to find it and when they couldn't find it, do a deep clean. Both she and FIL got very shouty about the inconvenience and intrusion of privacy until I explained that there would be other guests potentially with crawling babies after us, and they were taking immediate action and sensible precautions. MIL was a nurse by profession for 40+ years. People just don't think things through sometimes.

pigsDOfly · 25/09/2018 14:23

I take my pills - 4 over the course of the day - over the kitchen worktop. I have my glass of water ready, take one tablet out at a time and take them there and then.

Why on earth would anyone feel the need to make such a deal out of taking medication: going from one room to another with the pills, putting them down on things before they take them.

I have a dog living in my house, I do not want to kill my dog because I did something stupid with my, potentially lethal, pills and the dog ate one.

If children are around then surely it's obvious you take all the precautions necessary so as not to put a child's life in danger; I do it for my dog, surely a child's life is more important to these people than my dog's life is to me - well I'd like to think so.