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To not want my mum to always put DD in bridesmaid type dresses?

66 replies

CoconutM · 24/09/2018 12:07

DD is 18 months and goes to my mum's twice a week when I'm at work, which me and my DH are very grateful for. However, when we pick her up, she's always in some extravagant dress, with accessories. My mum gets very excited, telling me how many beautiful things there are (that were not there when I was young) and she just can't resist.

DH says he hates it, but think we should leave it if my mum is happy and looking after DD.

Personally I don't like that she goes there but the whole time is being forced to dress up. Eugh.


OP posts:
ZigZagZebras · 24/09/2018 12:09

YANBU, I'd just say can you keep her in something comfortable to play in day to day and save the dressing up for parties.

steppemum · 24/09/2018 12:11

hmm, I am torn.
On the one hand, she is just enjoying her GD, and your dd will soon enough make it clear that she doesn't like it.
On the other hand, I hate these dresses and how they restrict movement.

I think I would make a joke or two with my mum, and take them off and hand them back before you go home.
I would (maybe) at some point tell her why I wasn't keen, in a nice way.

delphguelph · 24/09/2018 12:13

Personally I don't like dresses or little ones as it restricts their play, but I reckon you should indulge your ma really on this one...

delphguelph · 24/09/2018 12:13

Dresses for little ones, that should say

Cblockbitch · 24/09/2018 12:14

OMG doting grandmother buys beautiful things for granddaughter and enjoys helping her to dress up. fgsake unless there is some huge backstory about to be dropped yabvu

CoconutM · 24/09/2018 12:15

I think "helping her to dress up" is Confused she's 18 months old and doesn't express an interest in dressing up, she wants to be comfy and play with her toys, not constantly be having her clothes changed into scratchy dresses.

OP posts:
Bambamber · 24/09/2018 12:17

This is why I pay for childcare Grin

DialsMavis · 24/09/2018 12:17

If it is a comfort issue for DD then perhaps say something but otherwise I would leave it. Can she run about and play?

My mum did the same when DD was little and I said as long as mum dressing her in all these frocks didn't mean she wouldn't let her get messy, clamber about in the ark then I wouldn't object.

DD is nearly 8 and has a perfectly normal attitude to clothes now and wears whatever she feels like/is practical for the day.

twoshedsjackson · 24/09/2018 12:19

If the dresses are extravagantly beautiful, thank her warmly, and kit her out in one of these "lovely" outfits for her next visit. Let normal toddler behaviour take its toll, in terms of mess and grubbiness, and let DM deal with the disgruntled whinging of the child feeling hampered. The realisation that she is not dressing a doll will be reinforced without a word from LO's parents. Maybe enthuse about some cute little practical outfit you have seen?

steppemum · 24/09/2018 12:29

wrt the cute stuff that wasn't around.
Find a really nice website with lovely clothes that you do like, and forward her pictures from that, with comments like - isn't this lovely, so cute, so comfy, such pretty colours etc.

Languageofkindness · 24/09/2018 12:33

She’s just being nice, it isn’t harming your child and she may like dressing up - mine would have done at nearly 2! Definitely pay for childcare if you don’t want this. I think you’d be cruel to raise it tbh.

ppeatfruit · 24/09/2018 12:33

There have always been those type of dresses around if you look for them!! Your mum must've dressed you up too !! Good idea to send your daughter wearing one of them to play in! Then you can say "Oh dear that dress is ruined I'll put her in her play clothes , we can keep the other pretty ones for best!!

eddiemairswife · 24/09/2018 12:42

Why do so many people assume that dresses are uncomfortable and restricting? There must be millions of us around who wore dresses as children, and managed to be pretty active.....handstands, cartwheels, climbing trees.

WhatchaMaCalllit · 24/09/2018 12:44

Your DH has expressed that he doesn't like seeing his daughter in these clothes.
Reverse the situation - Your DD goes to your MIL for care, she puts her in these types of dresses and your DH is fine with this, however you've said you're not ok with that. What would you do?? You would ask your DH to have a word with his mother about it, right?
Now go back to your actual situation - time for you to have a word with your mum about it and how you both (and it needs to be both as you're supporting your DH) would prefer if dresses like the ones you describe were kept for special occasions and not for every day wear.

Tinty · 24/09/2018 12:45

My dd used to love princess/bridesmaid type dresses. DGM was always buying them for her, sadly DD still insisted on riding her bike or climbing trees in them I let her, so they didn't last long. Grin

Now she just wears trousers. I think your DD will let you know if she is not happy, just let your DM know that DGD should still be allowed to play with anything and the dress needs to be changed if it hinders her or DGM wants to keep it nice.

Saltedcaramelcake · 24/09/2018 12:45

I'd get irritated too. My mil always buys our daughter (she's 2 1/2 now) dresses that are just totally impractical day to day. Luckily she doesn't look after her so I just gracefully accept and she maybe wears the dress once to a party. Our daughter is a bit older now and is getting to know her own mind, I was trying to get her to try an outfit on for a wedding last week and she point blank refused lol (had to just hope it fitted on the day!). I won't need to have the awkward conversation, come Christmas when she gets 5 pretty dresses pretty sure our daughter will say "oh nooooo not dresses Grin". (Unless they are pink with unicorns obviously!)

Your daughter will no doubt do the same and start to voice her opinion eventually if she's not comfortable. I realise that doesn't help you being annoyed in the short term.

PhilomenaButterfly · 24/09/2018 12:48

Does your DD mind? If not, I'd just suck it up. My DC spend a lot of time at my aunt's and she has clothes there for them. They don't mind wearing them, so that's fine.

KittyVonCatsington · 24/09/2018 12:48

It's only clothing and not something I would stress over - it is not as if she is telling you to put your DD in these kinds of dresses. I wouldn't say anything, as you will soon be grateful for dresses when you start potty training Grin.

BabySharkAteMyHamster · 24/09/2018 12:51

Did you read the thread WhatChaMaCallIt ??

The ops DH said he doesnt like it, but they should just indulge her. He isnt trying to put a stop to it.

Personally i'd just leave her to it, children are precious and small for such a short time. In a few months the dd will be making her own mind up !

ShadyLady53 · 24/09/2018 12:52

Eddie, I completely agree. I was little in the late eighties and nineties and lots of us wore big, frilly tulle or organza type dresses that would be considered ott today but I can honestly say I didn't feel uncomfortable or scratchy and it didn't stop me doing anything. I played and danced around just like any other child. It was actually jeans that I found very restricting and uncomfortable funnily enough and I would refuse to wear them.

If you don't like your mother's choice of clothing then you'll have to tell her op. Don't rule out though that in 6 months or so your daughter may start expressing a preference for this type of clothing and wanting to wear the beautiful dresses. Or she may decide she hates them and start kicking off when her grandmother tries to put her in them.

BlueKarou · 24/09/2018 12:52

I would probably grit my teeth about the actual dressing up, but then at the same time I would ask your DM to change her back before pick up time as the floofy dresses are a hazard in the carseat (Are they? I assume they're not miles away from the padded jackets etc, and so must make it a looser fit?)

When your DD is a little older she will likely make it very clear whether or not she wants to be dressed up or not.

Takemetovegas · 24/09/2018 12:58

I'm torn. I bought my DD a very beautiful frilly dress for my DB wedding when she was about that age and she never ever wanted to take off her "pretty dress". She wore in the bath and all. I couldn't pay her to get in anything fussy now.
If your DD doesn't seem fazed then I wouldn't worry.


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wafflyversatile · 24/09/2018 12:59

As long as she wasn't then running round after her going 'don't touch that you'll ruin your dress!' then I don't see that it matters too much. They aren't necessarily uncomfortable, or any more uncomfortable than different clothes.

HadopelagicZone · 24/09/2018 12:59

My worry would be whether DM is allowing DGD to play out and not be concerned whether the outfit was getting dirty. The other concern is in winter will she be going out in this sort of outfit and will she be warm enough if it’s cold.
If DD can play as she wants without having to mind her outfit then I’d not be too bothered but she does need to be comfy and appropriately dressed for the weather and things she does.

EndOfDiscOne · 24/09/2018 13:02

Give it time and your child's own preferences will out.

Then you'll get them coming back from nanna's like my 6 year old who had suckered nanna into buying her leggings with a neon giant unicorn print all over, lace up trainers (she couldn't tie laces - I've had to teach her now) with 2 inch wide pompoms on them and a t-shirt completely covered in sequins - in none of the colours of neon that the unicorns all over her arse were printed in.

I've just photographed the fashion ensemble for when she brings her first boyfriend home.

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