To not want my mum to always put DD in bridesmaid type dresses?

[CoconutM]

DD is 18 months and goes to my mum's twice a week when I'm at work, which me and my DH are very grateful for. However, when we pick her up, she's always in some extravagant dress, with accessories. My mum gets very excited, telling me how many beautiful things there are (that were not there when I was young) and she just can't resist.

DH says he hates it, but think we should leave it if my mum is happy and looking after DD.

Personally I don't like that she goes there but the whole time is being forced to dress up. Eugh.

AIBU?

My dds wore mainly dresses at that age. I found them easier. One garment, easy for nappies and potties, tights don’t come off like socks do in cold weather, and in Summer dresses are cooler than anything else. So I wouldn’t mind this, obviously . Having a MIl who isn’t very interested, and my own Mum no longer alive, I also think having someone who loves your baby is brilliant and I wouldn’t worry about her putting her in a dress. Pick your battles would be my advice. She is having fun with her granddaughter and it is harmless fun. In a few months your dd will be very vocal if she doesn’t want to put the dress on anyway.

Just as many paedos round the corner in the 1950s as there are now. And we were all aware of the dangers.

It’s not entirely a non issue if you feel strongly about how girls are brought up. I would like a toddlers time to be on exploring and discovering toys, books and the world so if she just got dressed then went on to her normal toddlers life fine, but if she spent half the time dressgn up and after that wasn’t allowed to play with cars outside, then I wouldn’t be happy .

It really depends if she's dressed like that for the whole time she's at your DM. My MIL was the same. She'd always been desperate for a girl but had been blessed with two lovely boys.
She used to look after DD one day a week because she really wanted to spend time with her. DD went to childminder for the other four days.
MIL did buy and put DD in clothes that we didn't like but we humoured her because she was a great GM.
Ultimately my DD ended about being a bit of a tomboy and my MIL could not understand why she would choose to play football rather than do ballet...so it had no affect on how my DD developed.

coolmule did your dresses not fall over your face (showing your underwear in the process) when you did cartwheels and handstands then? Mine did, the opposite to practical really.

Yes they did, but then girls school skirts today do the same i suppose. It never bothered us, sometimes we’d tuck the skirt into our knickers. The practicality i mentioned was mainly aimed at for the parents point of view......one dress meant one garment. Easy to just rinse out at night, (not many washing machines about then) quick to drip dry.

Yabu I wish my mil actually showed any interest in her grandchildren

DD's 11. When she was in the pretty dress phase, she still climbed trees etc. Now she just doesn't wear dresses.

reallynotherone In the very old days ALL babies and toddlers, including the boys, wore frilly white cotton DRESSES . I wonder if they were treated differently because of their clothes? Those were the days when women couldn't vote, so your philosophy doesn't really make any sense.

She's a bit young at 18 months but I can't see the actual harm here. Children love to dress up. Maybe ask your mum to wait till DD is old enough to make her own choice whether she wants to wear these dresses? Although I think it will probably offend her. Two days free child care a week is not to be sniffed at OP.

In the very old days ALL babies and toddlers, including the boys, wore frilly white cotton DRESSES . I wonder if they were treated differently because of their clothes? Those were the days when women couldn't vote, so your philosophy doesn't really make any sense

Only an anecdote but i have a girl with short ish hair. If she goes to the park in jeans and a hoody she is called “he”, smaller kids are pulled out the way of the “big boy” and there is lots of admiration for “his” climbing skills, being at the top of the monkey bars. I am never approached.

If she goes in a dress, leggings, pink etc she gets “she”. Suddenly there is a lot of “mind yourself up there”, careful you don’t hurt yourself sweetie, boys are told to mind the little girl and not to get in her way. There’s a lot of looking for me anxiously and I am often approached and asked if I know/am ok with it or discussions about her lack of fear.

So yes, ime sexes are treated differently. There’s a very interesting video on youtube somewhere where babies are dressed in their opposite gender and the differing treatment they get- totally subconscious.

m.youtube.com/watch?v=nWu44AqF0iI

The “olden days” you refer to young children were dressed the same. The women not being able to vote etc is directed at adults, small boys weren’t allowed to vote either. Gender roles were directed by society once they were old enough to help dad at work or mum with her role.

Your Mum saves you circa £100 a week and buy your dd clothes . And yet your dh is complaining.

Surely you're DM is looking after your DD twice a week because you and your DH are both at work.

Your DD will soon start expressing her own opinions, support her when she does. My ExMIL was obsessed with buying my DD dresses and girly things having had all boys herself, she gave up eventually.

If you really don't like them, let granny put her in them at her house, keep her in them when you pick up and maybe don't return them until she's outgrown them?

Or send spare clothes 'in case she gets messy' so your mum has clothes you do approve of there.

As long as they aren't actually hampering your dd from being able to do what she wants, and from memory 18 month old tots can be pretty vocal about things they do and don't like.

I'm sure my kids have been given loads of clothes of over the years that wouldn't be my first choice of outfit. I remember dd1 wearing her much begged for and not cheap, Belle princess dress (reversible, hooped at the bottom) while playing out and riding her bike, completely shredding the skirt when it got caught in her pedals and wheels.

And while I won't lie, I was a little cross it had been ruined so spectacularly, I was impressed that she didn't see what she was wearing as a bar to what she wanted to do. She learned a lesson that day about the practicality of clothing. But she had fun too. And while children are happy and enjoying themselves, we shouldn't get too hung up on small things.

Oh get a grip!

minisoksmake we shouldn't get hung up on small things EXACTLY The little boys were called 'she' then it didn't do them any harm as is calling little girls 'he'. Not a problem unless one gets into a lather about it.

My dd1 had short hair for a long time and was called 'he' . So?

I'm a doting grandmother and DH has to physically restrain me from going on massive spending sprees in Trotters and the like. Your mum is doing you an enormous favour and saving you loads in childcare. As long as your daughter is happy, so what?