To not want my mum to always put DD in bridesmaid type dresses?

[CoconutM]

DD is 18 months and goes to my mum's twice a week when I'm at work, which me and my DH are very grateful for. However, when we pick her up, she's always in some extravagant dress, with accessories. My mum gets very excited, telling me how many beautiful things there are (that were not there when I was young) and she just can't resist.

DH says he hates it, but think we should leave it if my mum is happy and looking after DD.

Personally I don't like that she goes there but the whole time is being forced to dress up. Eugh.

AIBU?

Gosh, I think it would be desperately cruel to make an issue out of this. You have the rest of the week to dress her.
Fwiw, my kids are all about comfort and convenience so I see your point but in this circumstance I would say absolutely nothing.
The grandparents in our case are avidly watching our children on WhatsApp from half the world away while we pay for expensive but moderate quality childcare and I'd love an excited, adoring granny nearby even if her concept of infant care differed (in relatively unimportant ways) from mine.

I think you are not BU - your DD is a child not a doll. When she is a bit older she might enjoy dress up, but now it sounds as if she isn't being given a choice. It is weird behaviour on your Mum's part. OK a frilly dress for a special occasion perhaps but not every time she goes over there.

Hopefully soon your DD start exerting her preferences and if she doesn't like frilly dresses then Granny is going to have to try and get a rigid screaming two year old out of a bridesmaid outfit and she might decide to let her stay in her comfy clothes.

I grew up in the 1960's the youngest of three girls and we had a party dress for special occasions and the rest of the time we were in shorts or trousers. (My Dad took me and some friends to the pictures for my 5th birthday and apparently I took my party dress off and passed it along the row to him because it was scratchy, and watched the film in vest and knickers)

Why do so many people assume that dresses are uncomfortable and restricting? There must be millions of us around who wore dresses as children, and managed to be pretty active.....handstands, cartwheels, climbing trees.

Exactly, i grew up in the 50s and 60s, dresses were all any of us wore. No way were they restrictive. Not frilly party type dresses, even though we all dreamed of having one for parties etc, but lovely cool cotton dresses that were perfect for handstands, cartwheels etc. Dresses were very practical for the times, can’t see why they still can’t be.

Christ! My ex mil did this with my three month old. Bought her expensive frilly satin dresses. One day the zip dug in to dd neck causing a red mark and I baned her from doing it again.

They really are not dolls to dress up!

I would mention it- my MIL did this and I had to say sorry stop accessorising my child she would buy hair bands and bows despite my daughter having no hair. She also brought massive tule tutus 😩
MIL was wonderful but that’s not what I wanted my child to wear. As long as you are kind then she will be fine about it.

I have Grandparent envy - by looking after your child whist you work your DM is saving you I would suggest well in excess of £50 a week . She is not (from info extracted from your post) feeding your child inappropriate foodstuff or putting her at risk - your DD is not suffering she is being loved. You don't like the clothes but no one is being hurt here and you are benefiting in so many ways - grit teeth and let it happen. Breathe x

leave her to it? Your dd will soon be able to express whether she wants to wear this stuff or not?

personally I issued a 'NO PINK CLOTHES' rule for grandparents before dd was born -only to be overruled when she was about 2 with her demands for princess dresses....

Oh, OP, leave her to it. Your mum loves her and enjoys seeing her in clothes she thinks are pretty. What harm does it do? Pick your battles, this really isn't a big one.

Why do so many people assume that dresses are uncomfortable and restricting? There must be millions of us around who wore dresses as children, and managed to be pretty active.....handstands, cartwheels, climbing trees.

OP says the dresses are scratchy. There are plenty of comfy dresses around now, as there have been for decades, but it seems that's not what we're talking about here.

OP does your DD seem uncomfortable in the clothes, bothered or restricted by them?

@BabySharkAteMyHamster - I did read the thread but I interpreted that piece differently to you.

OP - my advice still stands whether your DH thinks you should pander to your mother or not.

Have a word with her and say that you would prefer those types of dresses be kept for special occasions and not day to day wear.

YANBU, but I don't know what you can do about it. My mum also had a penchant for fussy "traditional" outfits when my kids were little. DD was happy enough in the sticky-out bow-festooned frocks and coats with velvet collars and matching fur muffs even though I loathed them. DS was less compliant with the Little Lord Fauntleroy costumes which just resulted in her bribing him with sweets: a double whammy for me!

Then you'll get them coming back from nanna's like my 6 year old who had suckered nanna into buying her leggings with a neon giant unicorn print all over, lace up trainers (she couldn't tie laces - I've had to teach her now) with 2 inch wide pompoms on them and a t-shirt completely covered in sequins - in none of the colours of neon that the unicorns all over her arse were printed in.

I think my 7yo is cut from the same cloth! She came home from an outing with Nanna wearing florescent tie-dye style leggings and a t-shirt with "you okay?" written on it in rainbow sequinned letters so that her brother, aka the King of Witty Comebacks, felt the need to follow her around answering her question over and over with "yeah, are you?". This was teamed with plastic jelly shoes that change colour based on temperature so we can all see exactly where her feet get the hottest and because they've got no support at all in them they make a 'slap slap slap' noise when she walks. In her hair was a neon coloured bow almost the size of head.

Ah I wouldn’t be able to get annoyed about this and I would just let her indulge her granny wishes

This is just such a non-issue, especiallty as she is doing you such a big favour, and much better for a very young dc to be looked after by a loving relative

Whats up with pink clothes? it’s just a colour, all colours are lovely, why ban one in particular?

YANBU. I can't bear people who treat little girls as dress-up dollies.

Well unless she expresses that she doesn't like it then there is absolutely nothing wrong with it. Let your mum have some fun with her granddaughter, I'm sure it will become a bonding thing as she grows

oohyoudevilyou, my DM is the same. If she could have put my DS into sailor suits she would have.

When the first DGD came along it was all frilly impractical (and potentially flammable) concoctions.

The problem was that DM wanted her DGD to sit nicely inside while wearing them and DGD was more of a tree-climbing-mud loving child. My SIL dealt with it by letting her DD out to play regardless of what she was wearing. DM stopped eventually buying the lacy monstosities because she got miffed that SIL 'didn't look after anything'

I get free childcare from my MIL once a week and my stance is that as long as DS is safe and fed, I'm not going to complain. Because it's free childcare.

*safe, fed, and happy I should say.

Assuming your DD isn't bothered by it, I would leave it be.

There must be millions of us around who wore dresses as children, and managed to be pretty active.....handstands, cartwheels, climbing trees

I think today’s culture is different though. There wasn’t the “peedo round every corner” and a flash of a girls pants didn’t cause major upset.

I used to wear dresses, simply tuck them in my knickers for handstands and cartweels. These days girls are told to stop such activities or put shorts on under their dress.

There is also these days the “don’t ruin your pretty dress” mindset girls are taught to keep them sitting quietly. Mine were very simple cotton shift or pinafore dresses- not big flouncy things that can’t be boil washed.

Very over the top dresses and the fuss that goes with them also starts teaching the child early on that how they look gets adult’s attention. Lots of fuss over the gorgeous dress and how pretty they look. Not something i’d want to be focussing on at 18m.

My MIL does this with my DDs and all of her granddaughters. I think it looks ridiculous but she’s not really doing any harm and it’s her money so I can’t get worked up about it. DD1 is now 7 and certainly lets her (negative) feelings be know about it!

Whats up with pink clothes? it’s just a colour, all colours are lovely, why ban one in particular?

It isn't just a colour though. It is strongly associated with “girlyness” and girl traits like being pretty and giggly and delicate.

I hate pink because it’s so fucking ubiquitous. When dd was little it was practically impossible to buy high st clothes that weren’t pink.

It’s the being forced to exclusively only wear one colour simply because a child has a vagina i hate. It’s colour coding children and changing expectations of child by advertising their sex.

coolmule did your dresses not fall over your face (showing your underwear in the process) when you did cartwheels and handstands then? Mine did, the opposite to practical really.

My goodness, this really wouldn't bother me at all! My MIL loves buying clothes for my daughters and they had SO many pretty dresses when they were tiny, they did all sorts in them - there were too many to keep for best, so they wore them as everyday clothes, alongside leggings and more practical clothes. I have photographs of my eldest climbing in a big pouffy dress, another exploring puddles in one. As others have said, long as MIL isn't restricting your DD's activities because of her dresses, then just let her be.