At the end of my tether, and no-one to help (tmi alert)

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I have no-one else to turn to and I don’t know what to do. Prepared to be completely flamed for this and told to get a grip because I probably need to.

I have a 3 year old with SN.

She poo smears and I cannot do anything about it.

In one breathe I am so glad she is comfortable enough with me to show me this behaviour. But then in another breathe I can’t cope.

At Nursery, at appointments even at her dads house she's so good. Her freaking dad boasts about how good she is and how I obviously over exaggerate her SN because she’s ever so good for him and never puts a foot wrong.

And yet here I am throwing toys out because I can’t be bothered to wash them again.

Here paeds has told me it’s because she wants a bath as she loves water – I bath her every day, do water play on days she’s not at Nursery and Nursery do water play 2x a week (she’s in 3 days so usually gets it at least once a week). We play with playdoh (she’s started molding the pooh boak), we go on walks, we read, we do her physio and SAL exercises. She has free play when I cook or clean or use the toilet not that she likes it. I tried not giving her a bath after smearing and just wiping her down with wipes but she just got worse until it got toi the point I had no choice but to bath her.

I don’t know what to do. I’ve tried putting her in cycling shorts but she got into them, I tried a swimming costume and leotard both separately and together, she got into them. I’ve tried not bathing her as said above. I was told to make her help me clean up but she enjoyed cleaning so much that it made the situation worse again.

I am out of ideas. I am worn down. I don’t know how to fix this.

I am sick of washing sheets and clothes and toys. She also eats it which scares the hell out of me.

There is a pattern to it. It’s after a new member of staff starts at Nursery (which is fairly rare they have low staff turnover), or after contact with her dad or just because she wants to – sometimes we go weeks without anything with her routine being fine and she does it just because.

I am done.

I am so ready to call my Social Worker and say I can’t cope. She says I’m doing fine and DD is brilliantly behaved, she’s never seen her tantrum or be “naughty” as she put it.

I can’ this. I shouted so loud at her this morning that the cat ran into another room - I don't shout, I don't get angry, ever.

Our autism group has suggested onesies on back to front for smearers and there are some sleepsuits from the US suggested.
because it sounds awful for you.

I have no expertise to offer, OP. I just wanted to send you a handhold and reassure you that some lovely MNers will be along to help you soon.
Hang in there. You sound as if you are doing a wonderful job. No one is perfect all the time, be kind to yourself.

littlekeepersleeper.com/

This was the link from our group.

Also have no expertise but didn't want to read and run. I'm so sorry you're feeling this way OP. You sound like a fantastic mum and I hope you find some support/advice from others here. Also, if you need to call your social worker please do. They might be able to offer some advice or rest-bite

Thank you everyone.

I feel better for letting it all out.

I put DD down for a nap, made a cup of tea and feel a bit more ready to face the afternoon now.

I can't offer any help or advice, but I didn't want to read and run

Hi OP, just wanted to add that I have a child(no SN) who did this. It was sporadic over an 18 month period but got very bad when I was pregnant.

It nearly finished me. I cried loads, cleaned obessively, spoke to health visitors and CAMHS...I tried everything. Nothing worked, but one day he just never did it again. He was about 3.5. So just sending so much sympathy and I hope your child grows out of it soon...

Op, there's a special needs clothing provider called fledgelings that make made to measure houdini suits (( basically a fancy onesie with tight legs.

In the mean time you need.

An all in one swimsuit and a pair of tights. Put the all in one on her back to front (( the zipper makes it harder to get off )) and the tights on underneath (( cant get up legs )) Ds was trussed up like this for years........sometimes he managed to break out but it took so long he'd often give up or id caught the bugger before he managed to do too much damage.

Ironically it was my shouting that stopped ds from doing it. I'd come home to a perfectly placed turd on the top of the toilet cistern and shit smeared absolutely everywhere.......I screamed so loud dp ran up the stairs thinking id hurt myself badly and I grabbed ds ranting and shouting all the way then made him clean it up with toilet wipes (( realistically it was me ranting and raving whilst getting him to scrub hand over hand )) I wasnt proud of myself but he never did it again. He was a repeat offender too, I once found.shit on our picture rails when we were decorating

I've left a voicemail for my SW.

I've also apologised to DD for shouting and we took a walk to M+S and got some percy pigs.

I feel much better now, thank you everyone.

Op you sound like a brilliant mum. Great advice on this thread, helpful to me. Thanks all.

Can i just say i have a grown up son with aspergers and he was always good at school etc etc. When he got home he was in meltdown mode and couldnt hold it together any longer. He was exhausted by trying to fit in. That is why your daughter plays you up . You are her safe place and person. You sound a great mum !
Also have a look at the fledglings catalogue or website. They have options for back zipped nightclothes. There are even made to measure options. they are not cheap but a lifesaver. I have a 12 yr old with complex needs who will smear when he can and i use them . You can put leotards or special long legged vests underneath as well. My lad is determined and they ( mostly ) keep his hands out. Seenin are another company who make sleepsuits and they can put extra measures in place if your little angel is really determined ! They do that for my child and so far so goid.
It is hard parenting a child with extra needs so pat yourself for a job well done and plough on xxx

Oh just seen someone else has suggested fledglings. Got here too late x

My sn son did the same. My sister made him pj's out of non stretchy, sheet material, buttons up the back. There is a company that sells big aged popper vests, we used them till he was 8 or 9. He is severely autistic and has severely learning difficulties too. He can't speak and is 18.

I'm happy to say, he has stopped smearing in the last couple of years. I never, ever thought he'd stop doing it, but he has - so there is light at the end of the tunnel. It doesn't always mean forever.

Good god is it hard work when they do it though. We call it "code brown". DH would put DS in the shower to clean him up and I would sort the room out.

He'd do it up the walls, his bedding but the worse was the carpet!

Good luck op. Hang on in there in there, you are doing a great job, my goodness is it hard though x

Ps Seenin sleepsuits have feet in so no getting hands up legs. But what a great idea tights are !

Are you getting any more help from your paediatrician or CAMHS? My son is 4 and has just about stopped smearing poo now although often smears shower gel or toothpaste everywhere when he gets hold of them. I think he stopped when I stopped getting cross and just calmly cleaned it up and just said " next time you do a poo ask for help". I did this for about a week and he gradually stopped.
I don't have any advice but just letting you know I understand how awful it is. I hope someone listens to you and can help. X

Paeds said she can't be referred anywhere until she's in school, but is unlikely to meet criteria for help as she can speak and when asked why she does it says she likes it.

There were days when I just wanted to set my son’s bedroom on fire rather than get the scrubbing brush out again. Hang on in there OP; you’ve been given some good advice - hope it works for you💐

I don't have any advice OP but just wanted to say you sound incredibly patient.

Well done for hanging in there. My sister has two boys. The youngest has sensory processing disorder. He smears. Along with a whole host of other behaviours, he's finally now getting some help.

The difficulty is that in the early years he didn't really show it to anyone else. Just my sister. So it was hard for anyone to realise the severity of the situation.
As he got older, I think he struggled to contain it to just the home so then it started spilling out in other areas.

Keep kicking up a fuss about it OP. Keep a diary if you can. It will really, really help if she ever needs to be assessed.

No advice just sending support and best wishes. My daughter soiled for years and that was exasperating enough without the smearing. Sorry you’re going through this.

Don't know if they'd be any good for you but Mark's and Spencer have just started a new range of clothing for kids that includes larger sizes of body suits and onesies that zip right up the back for ages up to 16. They look to be reasonable prices too.

I can't get a link to work at the moment but if you Google m&S kids Easy dressing range it should come up.

Ive just sent this to my sisters who have sn kids. This will be a godsend and morw shops need to start doing this
www.marksandspencer.com/l/kids/easy-dressing?extid=SM_FB_Now_O_KW_KidsEasyDressing

My ds smears faeces everywhere curtains walls you name it, I found using my dd old jumpsuit backwards has helped contain it. He’s now ripped the carpet and underlay. I feel your frustration op it’s hard sometimes when you’re going through it. My ds is currently on the waiting list for cahms.

I take my hat off to you op, you sound incredible

Hope she stops smearing soon

Does she like the shower? Could you shower her instead and maybe reward her with a bath on days when she gets a sticker for using toilet appropriately. I don't have experience of SN so not sure if sticker chart appropriate at this age.