At the end of my tether, and no-one to help (tmi alert)

[IKnowIAmIAm]

I have no-one else to turn to and I don’t know what to do. Prepared to be completely flamed for this and told to get a grip because I probably need to.

I have a 3 year old with SN.

She poo smears and I cannot do anything about it.

In one breathe I am so glad she is comfortable enough with me to show me this behaviour. But then in another breathe I can’t cope.

At Nursery, at appointments even at her dads house she's so good. Her freaking dad boasts about how good she is and how I obviously over exaggerate her SN because she’s ever so good for him and never puts a foot wrong.

And yet here I am throwing toys out because I can’t be bothered to wash them again.

Here paeds has told me it’s because she wants a bath as she loves water – I bath her every day, do water play on days she’s not at Nursery and Nursery do water play 2x a week (she’s in 3 days so usually gets it at least once a week). We play with playdoh (she’s started molding the pooh boak), we go on walks, we read, we do her physio and SAL exercises. She has free play when I cook or clean or use the toilet not that she likes it. I tried not giving her a bath after smearing and just wiping her down with wipes but she just got worse until it got toi the point I had no choice but to bath her.

I don’t know what to do. I’ve tried putting her in cycling shorts but she got into them, I tried a swimming costume and leotard both separately and together, she got into them. I’ve tried not bathing her as said above. I was told to make her help me clean up but she enjoyed cleaning so much that it made the situation worse again.

I am out of ideas. I am worn down. I don’t know how to fix this.

I am sick of washing sheets and clothes and toys. She also eats it which scares the hell out of me.

There is a pattern to it. It’s after a new member of staff starts at Nursery (which is fairly rare they have low staff turnover), or after contact with her dad or just because she wants to – sometimes we go weeks without anything with her routine being fine and she does it just because.

I am done.

I am so ready to call my Social Worker and say I can’t cope. She says I’m doing fine and DD is brilliantly behaved, she’s never seen her tantrum or be “naughty” as she put it.

I can’ this. I shouted so loud at her this morning that the cat ran into another room - I don't shout, I don't get angry, ever.

Do you think she would respond to bribery? What about being able to smear herself with body paints before her bath if she manages to go all day without messing?
Cornflour in water might be a good sensory squishing substitute, it’s different to normal flour & water.

This sounds horrendous! I've no experience of this, so please excuse my ignorance, but what why do they do it? Surely it's disgusting and foul-smelling and you'd want to get away from the offending stuff asap! Can you try a reward/star chart? And after so many clean days in a row treat them to something little?
Do they need more playdough/gloop play (cornflour and water and add colors/glitter)finger/hand painting etc. These would be more fun for both parties!

Have you tried making her a SOCIAL STORY
It’s a little book that you can make with pictures that explains to her not to do it and that you will be happy if she does not do this.

I used one with my son and he stopped immediately and never did it again, this was a different issue though but it’s worth a try. Sorry if I missed something or you have tried this already. I know how hard it is.

If you google social stories you can get one made up for a few pounds and read it to her. Hopefully something will work. Good luck x

M&S do a range of clothing for children with special needs. My son who is the same age and autistic was driving me crazy with putting his hands into his nappy and playing with himself. He'd then leave his winky sticking out and wee everywhere. He was also trying to play with himself when we were out. My son is the size of a 5-6 year old so I found vests/bodysuits with poppers underneath (exactly the same as what babies use). I put him back into them over the last 6-8 months and the behaviour stopped completely. I don't think M&S sell them in store but they definitely sell them online and for older children too. This is where I got mine earlier this year.

Has anyone used the M+S sleepsuits? And can review them for me?

My DD can undo poppers so need to know how far back to they are as it's no use if she can get into the sleepsuit as she can then just remove her nappy.

She has a good understanding and also does speak and can put names to feelings. I've told her it makes mummy sad when she plays with her poo because it's dirty and could make her very ill but she doesn't seem to care.

She isn't actually thought to be autistic but does have sensory problems and also hearing problems so maybe she's not hearing the difference in the tone of voice so doesn't understand I'm cross.

OP have you seen the YouTube vlogs " fathering autism" ? There is one about this ,and he gives info on how they layered clothes and adapted them for his daughter so she couldn't get her hands near.

Here is a SOCIAL STORY about this:

www.etsy.com/ie/listing/181616421/dont-smear-the-poop-pcs-autism-social

But you could make one yourself. They can really work, it’s worth a try.

There are 3 recognised reasons for faecal smearing (at least in psychiatry anyway) whether NT or not:

• Extraction (constipation is usually the cause, person is trying to manually extract the poo)
• Attention seeking
• Delirium

As your daughter only does it when she's with you, I'm guessing it's behavioural. She's making a conscious choice to do it. Some children enjoy your reaction even if its shock/disgust/horror.

I would set very clear boundaries and consequences. Eg restricting something she enjoys like TV/art/toys/a planned outing every time. Try not to show any reaction. So clean it up but don't converse with her or plead or tell her off or show emotion, just tell her it's wrong, it can make her ill, and state the punishment.

I have just ordered one to try on my little houdini so will let you know.
Also you can use nappy pins through the little hole in the zip pull and pin to top of sleepsuit so zip cannot be pulled down . Obviously use pin that is desisgned for something like nappies and cannot come undone by accident to cause injury. . That works really well in our case.
And i think they are zip backed not poppered .
Anyway will have a go and report back .

M and S sleepsuit that is ! See above

Thanks OneStepSideways. I appreciate you taking the time to explain. Sounds lime it's fixable then. I guess also if you ensure the child never leaves your sight they'll never get the opportunity to do it either.

Gave her a flat tip this morning to play with instead while I made breakfast.

She coloured herself in but that is so much easier and nicer to clean than poo!

Should say felt tip

That seems to work then! 😁

I have no experience or advice but just wanted to say I think those of you dealing with this are amazing. Op you sound like you are doing a brilliant job, I hope some of the advice here helps you out. Honestly, I think you sound wonderful.

Reading your op and the kind, helpful responses you got made me feel a bit teary that you feared you might get flamed !

Bloody hell, you deserve nothing less than compassion and understanding

We use paint, felt tips, cornflour or toothpaste to distract from smearing, lots and lots of praise when it's something else other than what I want to distract him from, stickers, and a small treat

no eye contact, talking apart from stating it's dirty and can make him ill with things I don't want him to smear like poop same as weeing on the carpet

DS only hears half a sentence if it's too long so we use physical things to show what's bad and what's good, plus keeping it short and sweet like 'no, yucky'

My m and s sleepsuit arrived yesterday and looks v nice quality for a great price £8 . The zip is to one side of the neck and has a flap that folds over at the top to conceal it and make it harder to undo. You could easily pin the flaps together and that should prevent the zip being undone so all in all quite impressed . Legs quite narrow and cuffed to prevent hands going up from that end. Only downside for me is no opening for PEG feeding tube so will have to thread tube up his leg . But you cant have it all !
Anyway I will put them on my little darling tonight and report back any escape attempts after that !