To tell them Father Christmas isn't real

[Mummymummums]

My DD11 has just started secondary school. She still believes in Father Christmas. If she'd asked me in recent year if he was real, I'd tell the truth, but she hasn't. She's not pretending for the gifts, she definitely believes.
DS10 is more sceptical and thinks things through more and I think he has significant doubts.
My AIBU is that would I be wrong to tell them he's not real? Purely on the basis that DD is at secondary school now and may find herself the lone believer. Better she finds out from me? Or not? Or are there other believing children at secondary school?

She'll be torn apart at secondary school. You need to tell her.

God please tell her!!! And quick!

No one still believed in Santa when I was 11.

That confirms what I thought. Last year a lot of them in year 6 believed.
I'll definitely tell her then.

Yes, definitely tell her. My DS is just 11 and hasn’t ‘believed’ since he was 7 (was sworn to secrecy as I didn’t want to spoil it for his friends or his sister). DD 8 still believes...I think; she could just be hedging her bets!

I doubt if either of your children believe in Fr Christmas now so, yes, do tell them. It will relieve them of having to pretend for your sake :-).

I found out when I was 5 as I found the letter to Santa I wrote in the cups. I told my children at 8.

She doesn’t believe. She really really doesn’t.

I really don't think she actually still believes at 11. Does she have access to the Internet? I think it's unlikely that she hasn't either worked it out or seen something on tv or YouTube or somewhere.

If you really think she still believes then yes, you need to tell her.

She can't still believe! By yr6, surely all kids have already told each other.

Mind you, I told my DC around at 3yrs old that 'Santa' was the Argos delivery guy that delivered all the gifts mummy had bought. I didn't want them growing up with the mentality that their gifts came from nowhere and no one worked hard for them. I also didn't want them spoiling it for their classmates who were expecting 'Santa'. They could also answer 'appropriately' when anyone asked if they were expecting 'Santa'.

Definitely tell her.

My daughter is in Yr 5 and definitely still believes. She is very babyish in general though. I wasn’t sure when to tell her either but think I will have secondary school as the cut off too. She also believes in the tooth fairy and the Easter bunny. I will feel so bad bursting all these bubbles next year :(

I wish I knew if she still believed.....I have an inkling she doesn't but it's working out how to start that conversation.......

Going against the grain here, my DS still believed in Yr7 and then asked in Yr8 aged 12. I realise that is really late, but I wasn't going to break the magic for him and he never had any issues at school. I suspect it just wasn't talked about at all. I know lots of people say tell them before they start Senior school but you don't have to, she'll probably work it out for herself soon anyway.

Maybe she does believe, maybe she doesn't, and either way is absolutely fine! God, life is brutal so believing in a little magic doesn't harm anyone.
I told my DS the summer before he started high school as I was afraid of him being teased, and honestly, I wish I hadn't as he was crushed. Maybe he really knew but didn't want to hear it from me, or maybe he genuinely believed. Either way, now a teenager, he still loves Christmas and knowing about FC hasn't stopped the magic for him.

My little sister announced to her schoolfriends when she was 13, "you know, I think Father Christmas is really my mum and dad." Cue uproarious laughter. You should tell them.

I don’t think she really believes he is real. I never had to sit down and tell my DC they just realised at about 9 or 10. She knows, she is probably just thinking that you want her to believe. She will soon stop once her peers start talking about Christmas at school.

We told ds 10 last year. We said 'Santa' is not one person but is the spirit of Christmas for giving gifts to the people we love and helping people we don't know ( we donate to food banks and toy collections etc)

Endeavour did you not read my post? This was only 4 years ago as well, so not pre internet.

Other kids will have told her by now when discussing Christmas over the last few years. It was how I found out at a very young age. My Mum was not happy as she wanted a year or two more of me believing.

I think I'd rather be the one doing the telling than risk her being laughed at by her friends. They might be kind and just give a gentle ribbing. But they also might make her feel really embarrassed and she won't thank you for that. It's hard enough in secondary school.

Off topic but I always find it strange when Xmas is turned solely into a teaching lesson for dc over gifts. I only came across this in rl when nct mum said fc was delivery because her and her dp had to have recognition personally for their efforts

I find that whole concept so odd. One day of gifts at Xmas will not turn any dc into spoiled.

Teaching dc the value of things, working, money, not to expect gifts are things to be taught all year. Saying no to magazines, items from shops. Not always giving what they want, showing them what you want, eg new sofa but showing them you saving and waiting for it...
Giving them extra jobs around house for pocket money and so on. It's all that stuff that will teach dc something not one day in 365!!

But the other thing we teach them at Xmas is magic and hope.

I’m surprised you’ve left it this late to tell her.
Most Mn tell their offspring about this sort of thing aged around three, as well as sex, periods and all other stuff that absolutely needs to be known....

Shame on you for leaving it this late op

My DS stopped believing last year when he was 9, he keeps it up for his younger brother who is 4. I think you shpuld tell them. My little brother was only 6 when he ask my mum to please tell him the truth because he didn't care he just wanted to know the truth. I thought that was quite sad lol.

It's amazing how many people don't believe that an 11yo can possibly still believe in Father Christmas, even after my post. And she can't be the only one.

My dd age 11 in yr 7 sort of believes but also when she was in yr6 knows the other kids don't believe, so I think really she is partly non believing but the other part of her doesn't want to grow up and therefore she wont admit it is not real. She does however have ASD and presents much younger. She knows the tooth fairy and easter bunny are not real and that was a big let down for her but she did say at the point next I am going to find out Santa isn't real, which i think deep down she knows. But still at home talks about having presents from Santa.