To tell them Father Christmas isn't real

[Mummymummums]

My DD11 has just started secondary school. She still believes in Father Christmas. If she'd asked me in recent year if he was real, I'd tell the truth, but she hasn't. She's not pretending for the gifts, she definitely believes.
DS10 is more sceptical and thinks things through more and I think he has significant doubts.
My AIBU is that would I be wrong to tell them he's not real? Purely on the basis that DD is at secondary school now and may find herself the lone believer. Better she finds out from me? Or not? Or are there other believing children at secondary school?

My DS 12 realised when he was 10 we actually had a great time as he would help me think of the elf on the shelf ideas and things for his DB and DS and help me set things up when they went to bed. DS2 and DD are 8 and 9 now and I'm under no illusion that this will be our last year with believers

It is possible she still believes. My dd is 11 and figured it out herself. She has no idea if the other kids in her class believe as its an unspoken rule that you don't talk about it in case other kids believe. She has a giggle about it with one friend they mention Santa give each other a look and laugh but neither actually says out loud they don't believe. Its odd to be honest but a lot of them have younger siblings so I guess it comes from not wanting to spoil it.

By secondary school I expect them to be less nice about it so I would bring it up.

My DM had to tell my younger sister before she went to secondry school. as she was convinced Santa was real after aged six she caught a glimpse of my dad in my mums red dressing gown leaving her stocking before diving under the bedclothes in sheer terror!

I genuinely believed in Santa till I was 14, however a lot of things have changed since then so I can't really advise

While I had figured out at this stage, I distinctly remember on the last day of primary school, the teacher told us some jokes (which was definitely not her character!) and the final joke was one about Santa not being real. And she asked if everyone understood the punch line - joke was something like the child saying “mummy, i don’t want a computer from Santa anymore, because I just found one at the back of your wardrobe”. I thought that was probably a good part of her duties in ensuring we were all on equal footing and ready for secondary school.

As an aside I can’t stand it on MN when people say that children will be ‘torn apart’ for this, that and the other, as though that’s a perfectly acceptable thing to happen. Only nasty little bullies tear others apart for something like this.

If my DD (who is 8 and certainly does still believe) was responsible for ‘tearing apart’ another child for a naive belief I would be very unimpressed.

My 11 year old granddaughter told me last year that she did not believe in FC, but she genuinely thought I did and so she did not want to upset me in any way. We never got round to tackling the Easter Bunny or the Tooth Fairy!

Tell her OP. You might be surprised to learn that she knows but was playing along for you

I think 11 is a great age to find out the truth, especially if it’s not too close to Christmas. I was 8 and think that was a bit too young. Thanks had a friend who still believed at 13 and who was made fun of.

Don’t know how that random Thanks appeared!

Well my daughter knew....:said she realised when the elf wrote a message on the patio doors and it was just like daddy's handwriting......!

I am sorry, but it is not the teacher's fault if they unwittingly inform an 11 year old that FC isn't real.

If the kid hasn't worked it out by then they should have and it's a good a time to learn as any.