To tell them Father Christmas isn't real

[Mummymummums]

My DD11 has just started secondary school. She still believes in Father Christmas. If she'd asked me in recent year if he was real, I'd tell the truth, but she hasn't. She's not pretending for the gifts, she definitely believes.
DS10 is more sceptical and thinks things through more and I think he has significant doubts.
My AIBU is that would I be wrong to tell them he's not real? Purely on the basis that DD is at secondary school now and may find herself the lone believer. Better she finds out from me? Or not? Or are there other believing children at secondary school?

I have the same issue - my almost 12 year old still believes in FC and I'm having the same debate on how to deal with it. I have tried my best to hint to her, and for the last 2 years she has bought her own gifts for the family, wrapped them and put them under the tree on Christmas eve. She genuinely hasn't registered that we do exactly the same. She has ASD (only recently diagnosed) so we are still learning about this, and I'm sure is part of the reason. Still not sure how to handle it though. She's had enough knocks recently. I wich I'd told hear years ago but really thought she'd work it out for herself.

DD is 11, year 7. She fessed up earlier this year that she knew and had known the year before too, or certainly had serious doubts. She is a little worried about this Christmas, that the magic won't be the same. I'm determined it will be and I still want to do all the usual traditions as I enjoy them too so hopefully that will help but she is worried about it, bless her.

I think your DD probably knows in some way. I'm not sure you can just tell her, although if you are going to, I would do it sooner rather than later before all the Christmas stuff starts in full force.

Dd is in Y7 and last week one of her teachers brought up the subject of FC being a big charade. That would have been awkward for a child that didn't know!

Yes, I think secondary school teachers need to be aware when they take yr7 or even 8 and 9 classes, that some children may still believe. As I said, DSis was 13.

My eldest is 10 and told me last year that he'd known it wasn't real since he was 7 or 8 but had gone along with it so as not to upset me. I admitted it. I think you definitely need to tell her if she's in secondary school, that is too old to still believe imo.

Teachers should allow for Yr 9 (with no disability) believing in Father Christmas as a literal thing rather than a nice story or the spirit of Christmas? Seriously.

As I said, DSis was 13, so yr9. DF and his DW had never told her.

I told ds1 when he was nearly ten but tbh he had been doubting it for a while i dont think its fair that shes in high school and might potentially talk about father Xmas

My brother is 21 and he has still not out right said he doesn’t believe because my Mum does the most amazing stockings of extra presents and he’s worried if he actually says it that might stop 😂

He of course fully aware Santa isn’t real and has been since 7 or 8 and it’s now a bit of a family tradition/joke that him and DS 7 put the mince pie out together.

I’m hoping I’ll get one more year out of DS this year 😊

One of my friends believed until she was 14. She told her friends that she didn't but secretly did.

I had a year 7 burst into tears because said FC wasn't real. In the middle of a lesson. I felt awful, what was worse was their mum emailed a complaint about me "ruining" their Christmas. This kid totally 100% believed and was devastated.

Please tell your secondary age kids

I’ve worked with young people for long enough to know some older children do believe. I would gently tell her op. The best way I’ve ever heard was a friend who had a much older child with asd who passionately believed watched the Easter bunny episode of the vicar of dibley. And then gently explained that the Easter bunny and Santa etc are real because it’s something everyone has in them. The capacity to pass on the joy to children.

sorry to hijack,but when I was a kid nobody over 7 believed.What are we doing to our dc that is making them so unworldly and accepting that kids 10+ believe it, and surely it makes them very vulnerable to be so gullible .Even more worryingly some parents seem to see it as a badge of honour !

DS1 is in Y8 and we've never had 'the talk'. I think about 2 or 3 Christmases ago, so Y6 or Y5, he looked over on Christmas Eve as he and DS2 sprinkled reindeer food on the lawn and winked. I winked back at him, he came over and gave me a hug and that was it.

I know he knows. He knows I know he knows. But we don't need to actually say "there's no Santa". A wink and a smile was enough, and he's been so marvellous at keeping it going for DS2, which I love him for. Of course when he's with his friends he'll laugh along when they talk about Santa, but at home he still gets excited about Christmas, and for me that's the right balance.

Assuming there are no additional needs, and that your DD wasn't home-school throughout primary - and only read suitably censored material (loads of books mention his non-existence) - there is absolutely no way that she doesn't know. Because somebody will have told her. And once told it's so obvious that belief becomes impossible.

A boy with an older sibling told me when I was 6. I tried desperately to believe that year. But... well, I knew.

When I was 22 I did explain to my mum that I knew she was FC so I didn't actually need a stocking. Dbro and sis argued this point, and insisted he was real - so they kept the stocking .

He isn't? You monster! 40 plus years just thrown away! You've ruined it for me.

And my dc all knew around about year 1/2 - I have fond memories of DC3, in the middle of an all-out tantrum, shrieking at me when she was in Year 1: "and you lied to me... you're Father Christmas AND the tooth fairy."

I would tell her so she doesn't get laughed at by her secondary school mates. This happened to a friend of mine. Her 11 year old daughter told her mates that santa is definitely real because she met him in the north pole! They all laughed at her and told her to ask her mum! When my friend explained to her daughter that it was a holiday package and wasnt real, she was so annoyed that she left it this long to tell her!

Thank you all. I've told both DC today - DS10 didn't believe, but DD11 certainly did - although she was clear that she knew that the tooth fairy isn't real. I think she just hasn't questioned it as her group of friends all still believed last Christmas. She asked who munched the carrots (me) and who drank the beer (DH).
I've told her to avoid an awkward or upsetting situation at school and because I've given up that she'll work it out
She's not one of the more mature children of her age, and she tends to take things at face value. Which is lovely as they can grow up too fast, but I agree it was time she knew with the move to secondary school and scope for being laughed at.
Thank you everyone for helping me make my mind up.

At my son's school, so when he was 7ish, they read a book about how St.Nicholas/Sinterklaus evolved into our present day Santa, or Father Christmas. Google it and read it with your child, it's so well worth a read and so interesting rather than upsetting in destroying a myth.
Unfortunately they read this after we'd told him that the presents were provided by Mum and Dad and oh! that that wasn't really one of Father Christmas's wellington boots he'd filled with 'little things' and which we had to leave outside the front door for him to re-full the next year.(I was particularly fond of that welly, spray painted silver as it was, with a cuff of cotton wool and secured with a bow from which dangled a little gold bell) So, he had to put it outside and bellow "THANK YOU FATHER CHRISTMAS"And it still comes out every Xmas to sit under the tree. But his reply when he was told the truth, was "Oh! Wasn't I a twit?!!"
No drama.
So, yes, please Google Sinterklaus and read it with her. She'll love it, too.
Apols for mistakes in this - I'm sitting in full sunlight and there'll be mistakes for sure.

Oh! see you've just told her-good. reading the origins is well worth the read,tho.

She also believes in the tooth fairy and the Easter bunny. I will feel so bad bursting all these bubbles next year

And yet, when you don’t actively create any of those myths for your children, people act as though you should be reported to social services.

I see you have told her. I was coming on to say that I told my eldest son when he was in yr7 at this time of year. DH was adamant that he didn't still believe and was having us on, but I knew he did. I asked him who the presents were from and had to tell him that I was his 'santa' and the whole St Nick story and now we buy presents for the people we love and do the 'Santa' myth and one day he would be santa for his own children. Anyway he was ok, a bit taken aback but was fine. As DH said ' He still believes in presents!'

Good work. You definitely did the right thing.