Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To start a thread on here to stop me shouting at dh?

52 replies

Fuminglily · 22/09/2018 20:12

I'm really hormonal. I had a massive row with dd18 earlier and she called me mental, said I had mental health issues. Dh just sat and listened. This was a few hours ago, dd has gone to work in the pub and dh, dd14 and me are sitting in the sitting room watching Harry Potter. I'm still so angry Sad dh says I over reacted and doesn't have a problem with dd saying I'm mental.

I really want to have it out with him but I know it will just make things worse and upset dd14 so I am starting this thread to busy myself and take my mind off it.

I'm really worked up over it and feel like crying so hoping this will take my mind off it and calm me down.

OP posts:
ButchyRestingFace · 22/09/2018 20:14

I'm really hormonal. I had a massive row with dd18 earlier and she called me mental, said I had mental health issues.

It wasn't a nice thing to say but some context is needed. Flowers

I called my mother every name under the sun as a exceptionally moody teen. I'm sure the word "mental" would have made the list at some point. Smile

Justnoclue · 22/09/2018 20:14

Deep breaths OP. Not worth falling out in front of DD14.

Original poster
Fuminglily · 22/09/2018 20:17

No I really don't want to upset dd14

I might make myself a gin and tonic

OP posts:
hiddeneverything · 22/09/2018 20:18

Vent away xxx

MudCity · 22/09/2018 20:18

Distract yourself! Take a bath, read a book, nip to the shops.....anything! Just take yourself away from him because the longer you sit there, the more you will burn with rage....

Good luck!

Original poster
Fuminglily · 22/09/2018 20:19

ButchyRestingFace

That's made me smile

DH is going out in a minute to pick up ds12

Ds12 is lovely and will cheer me up

OP posts:
Original poster
Fuminglily · 22/09/2018 20:21

He'll be gone for a good 40 minutes so hopefully I'll calm down. At least I didn't say anything horrible to dd18 although she is bloody hard to live with

OP posts:
YeTalkShiteHen · 22/09/2018 20:21

I said some godawful things to my mother as a teenager, really really awful.

I’m sorry your DD hurt you and that your DH didn’t speak up or support you. Flowers

Here’s some virtual Gin

Original poster
Fuminglily · 22/09/2018 20:23

I said some godawful things to my mother as a teenager, really really awful

I was scared of my mum. She was a violent alcoholic so I never got to say anything horrible to her - she would have hit me if I had.

I suppose I should be pleased she feels that that she can say things to me

OP posts:
PawPawNoodle · 22/09/2018 20:35

I'm going to be devils advocate but I don't think its your husband's responsibility to pipe up in the middle of an argument between you and your daughter regardless of what she called you. You are an adult and should be perfectly capable of handling her on your own, and don't need a man to invervene for you.

I think you're brewing for a fight with him when you should be working on how to have a discussion with your daughter about respect and the use of derogatory language.

Original poster
Fuminglily · 22/09/2018 20:39

He'd agree with you pot noodle!

I'd say something if she said something horrible to dh, that's happened once or twice. Oh well. Just waiting for him to go out. This has helped as I don't think I'm going to explode!

OP posts:
YeTalkShiteHen · 22/09/2018 20:40

Fuminglily I’m sorry to hear that about your Mum.

Hopefully your DD1 comes in from work and apologises.

HollowTalk · 22/09/2018 20:43

I think he should have backed her up. That's a horrible thing for a young daughter to say to her mum. He'd hate it if she said it to him.

PawPawNoodle · 22/09/2018 20:47

fuminglily it may just be me though, I hate the thought of anyone fighting my battles for me and would feel undermined if my partner jumped in! My partner would offer to have a word with her afterward though to tell her how spiteful she was and tell her she needed to apologise.

I'm glad you've calmed down though Smile

Luckything50 · 22/09/2018 21:21

Oh FFS you are such a good parent and you need to remind yourself... you’re giving Dc1 space and not blowing up in front of dc2 or Dh. Nothing good will come of reacting now but perhaps some quiet words tomorrow if necessary. Dh probably knows you’re more than capable of handling it, which you are. Maybe nice bath with glass of something to congratulate yourself?

Troels · 22/09/2018 21:49

My thought on this is, if he doesn't tell Dd that what she was doing/saying wasn't appropriate and to not do it again. She may think he's in agreement with her and will carry on being difficult to live with.
That isn't fighting the OP's battle for her, it's presenting a united front.

BoneyBackJefferson · 22/09/2018 21:51

Troels

Without knowing what the argument was about its not appropriate to say that the OP's DH should be backing her up.

Troels · 22/09/2018 23:01

Well if she's telling her Mum she's mental and has MH issues she's not being appropriate. You have to present a united front even if they are 18 and work in a pub.
He may well agree with Dd and whatever she was annoyed about who knows. But Dd has to know that she can't speak to her mother that way, it's very direspectful. There are better ways to get apoint across without resorting to name calling.

BoneyBackJefferson · 22/09/2018 23:19

Troels

context is everything.

Original poster
Fuminglily · 23/09/2018 07:30

The context was that I was trying to organise her and dh for a big trip out today. Its a big sporting event, there's road closures, no kit was ready. This is her hobby and it costs a fortune. Neither were listening or saying they would help towards getting things ready and I lost my temper. Dds hobby costs a lot of money. I did overreact but I think I could see that neither of then m were intending to do anything to help prepare - hence why Im up this morning getting everything sorted Hmm

OP posts:
Cheekylittlenumber · 23/09/2018 07:46

Fuminglily you shouldn’t have to prepare an eighteen year olds kit for her own hobby, that’s ludicrous! I was self sufficient totally by the start of secondary school (made my own packed lunches, washed and ironed my own school uniform etc) You shouldn’t have to get up early on a Sunday to wash her things, leave her to it. You’ll get no thanks for it and she’ll never learn. Is this a hobby she actively wants to do? I would absolutely not be washing her things. Have you both made up since the argument?

Teenage years are very tough, I had a difficult relationship with my mum. I’m now 34 and have a much better relationship with her, so it does get better.

LizzieSiddal · 23/09/2018 07:51

Fuming stop preparing your dds kit, honestly she needs to do that herself.

I wanted to ask if you told your Dd not to call you “mental”? I just wondered as you said you never got to answer your Mum back, so do you feel you couldn’t answer your Dd back?

MrsMozart · 23/09/2018 07:54

Why are you up and sorting?

She's eighteen. If she can't do it herself (physical or mental issue) then fair enough, but otherwise...

DownUdderer · 23/09/2018 08:02

I’d definitely want my husband to tell my daughter that was an awful way to speak! She might feel he’s ok with it if he stay quiet.

topcat2014 · 23/09/2018 08:07

I hate any shouting, and to me the answer to anything is for everyone to just shut up and stop.

So, I am not sure how I would have reacted if I had been in theDH shoes with a (pointless) shouting match going on around me.

Swipe left for the next trending thread