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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be a tiny bit ungrateful?

56 replies

LadyDeeDeeDee · 22/09/2018 04:41

I had a kitchen appliance. A small one, bought with vouchers we got as a wedding gift. It broke. I kept meaning to get a new one (£20 or so it'd probably cost) but never got round to it. Mentioned it again this evening to DH and how I might look for one on my day off this week. He said maybe I shouldn't as people had been asking what I might like for my birthday in a few weeks time, and that was one of the things he'd mentioned to them.

For context, we're not short of money and could very easily afford a new one without really thinking about it. And it's my 40th. AIBU to not want a gift that's a replacement for a kitchen appliance we bought jointly? He seemed very put out that I didn't seem pleased. I wouldn't have minded if it was something a bit more frivolous for the kitchen as I like cooking, but it's something very dull. His family are also very big on knowing exactly what people want for their birthday. I could have given him some ideas of books, perfume, fancy shower gel, all sorts of ideas. And believe me, none of his recent birthday present requests have been practical.

OP posts:

sonlypuppyfat · 22/09/2018 04:43

Know your place woman! Get back in the kitchen

BitOfFun · 22/09/2018 04:45

Would it kill you to say what it is?

araiwa · 22/09/2018 04:47

Its hardly likely some £20 kitchen item is going to be the sum total of your presents is it?

Rtmhwales · 22/09/2018 04:49

YANBU. My mum likes to tell the story of how she went into the bathroom and cried for half an hour on Christmas when my dad gave her an electric frying pan for their very first Christmas as a married couple. Gifts should be something the recipient enjoys and lusts after. Not a replacement appliance that he (presumably) gets some use of too when you both cook.

Zoflorabore · 22/09/2018 04:55

This would piss me off op! I was 40 this year and would have killed dp if I had got a kitchen appliance.
He did however buy me a halogen oven for my 39th birthday

cl61reb · 22/09/2018 05:00

YANBU - give him a list of things you would like and tell him that you would prefer to not receive a dull appliance as a gift. If u still get the appliance (from a family member) tell him you will spend the equivalent on one of those items.

AjasLipstick · 22/09/2018 05:01

I also want to know what it is!

YANBU by the way.

steff13 · 22/09/2018 05:01

It doesn't sound like he's going to be the one getting it, though, he said he told other people she might want it. As long as he gets you something nice, does it matter if your MIL or SIL or whoever gets you the (food processor?) appliance?

Original poster

LadyDeeDeeDee · 22/09/2018 05:02

It's a hand blender. Didn't want to say in case some people thought it was gift-worthy and a bit frivolous. I use it to make soup for our packed lunches. Purely practical, not glamourous.

And a £20 gift is possibly all I'd get from some family members, and I wouldn't expect them to spend more. It's not the cost of it, it's the practical, domestic nature of it. For less than £20 I'd be over the moon with my favourite hand cream, which I never buy for myself as it's more then I'd personally pay for hand cream.

I think it's because it's my 40th that it bothers me more. I've spent my 30s having babies, and having a more domestic life, with being at home, looking after kids, ignoring myself a bit and he knows I was looking forward to this birthday as the start of a new era of no nappies, less dependent kids etc.

OP posts:

Original poster

LadyDeeDeeDee · 22/09/2018 05:04

And it doesn't matter hugely in the grand scheme of things, but I went to a big effort for his 40th making sure everyone had good gift ideas for him, and I discounted several ideas as being too dull or things that should be because ugh by household money rather than given as a gift.

OP posts:

steff13 · 22/09/2018 05:04

In that case, just buy one and your husband can tell everyone you already bought one yourself and they can get you something else.

Original poster

LadyDeeDeeDee · 22/09/2018 05:05

I'm also slightly insomniac and stewing over things. I've already sent moaning tweets to my train company and the daily mail.

OP posts:

Whereismumhiding2 · 22/09/2018 05:12

Go out and buy the replacement today when shops are open .

And say to DH, "You're so funny, as if anybody would think buying a replacement (toastie maker or whatever) for my 40th birthday isn't sexist. And an awful present given we can easily afford to replace such a dull piece of kitchen equipment that we both use. ... I realised you were pulling my leg and that you've really suggested they buy me ..(then list what you want..). I know you're just saying this now to make the surprise better!! How inventive of you..!! "

Job done, point made.

LoveAGoodChat · 22/09/2018 05:13

Op just go ahead and buy one, then rave about your new replacement handblender and all the stuff you have made with it on your Facebook page/Instagram/twitter and whatsapp to family and friends so that they can see you don't need one...

And then get dh to tell them plan has changed, LadyDeeDeeDee has already bought a handblender, but instead you could buy her xy or Z as I know she would like them....

Buy the blender and open it and use it so that cant return yours to the shop and so that he HAS to tell them you already have one and not to buy you another one

BitOfFun · 22/09/2018 05:24

YANBU then. It would be a shit present.

OliviaStabler · 22/09/2018 05:34

Whereismumhiding2 has it.

Say that or your birthday won't be what you want it to be from what he has indicated.

LaBelleSausage · 22/09/2018 05:40

Unless there’s a specific hand blender you have in mind, I’d just wait to see if someone gets me one. If they did, I’d thank them politely and then use the money I would have spent on the blender on the favourite hand cream.

I get that it’s a bit frustrating but I don’t really get why this is a big deal.

finn1020 · 22/09/2018 05:42

Give him a nose hair clipper for his birthday. 😬

FishesThatFly · 22/09/2018 05:50

OP YANBU. But you need to tell him asap that it's not an acceptable gift. - suggest you can hold off till his birthday/Christmas and get him it instead

Littlepond · 22/09/2018 06:17

I agree woth LaBelle - it might not be a great gift but it frees up £20 if someone else buys it for you to spend on something more frivolous. I would be annoyed too FWIW but if you have specific ideas of what you do want then it doesn’t really matter as the end result is the same, you have a hand blender and some hand cream and you’ve spent £20. You might even get a posher stick blender than you had previously!

LusaCole · 22/09/2018 06:24

I'm slightly on the fence here. If DH was planning to get it for you himself, then yes, that would be a shit 40th birthday present from him. But to suggest it to another family member, so it will be just one of a pile of gifts for you? Meh. As long as his present to you is not a kitchen appliance, then I think you're making a big deal out of this. Sorry.

MrsExpo · 22/09/2018 06:27

OP, don’t even waste your day off going to the shops for this. Order one from Amazon, get it delivered, job done. No one wants kitchen appliances for gifts. Why are you even giving this brain space?

CryptoFascist · 22/09/2018 06:37

On his next birthday, make sure you ask people to get him something for the kitchen. He'd love a slow cooker, yes?

manateeandcake · 22/09/2018 06:45

YANBU. DH still has not lived down the day PILs arrived round with a birthday present for me in a huge, carefully wrapped box. What could it be?? This was a LARGE box. Could have held a lot of wine/chocolate/fancy bath stuff.

It was a bloody salad spinner. We had just moved house and DH had mentioned to MIL that we needed one. Nip the kitchen-based birthday present trend in the bud now, is my advice!

IgglePigglesAnnoyingGiggle · 22/09/2018 06:48

I'd be getting him toilet roll for his next birthday. "Oh but you did mention we were running low darling".

Totally unacceptable at any age.

Go and buy one yourself and hand him a list of suitable gifts at all price brackets.

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