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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DD started Freshers week and changed into this party animal!!!!

79 replies

vivprod · 22/09/2018 00:12

My DD is experiencing Freshers week and has been out partying and drinking literally all week since last Saturday. I am rather worried as this is very much out of character for her. She usually is a homebody who studies hard and drinks very little. I am hoping that she gets it out of her system this week and then settles down, or will she get a taste for this and not want to stop partying? Really worried as its not her. I have spoken to her but she says she is fine. Worked really hard to get her place at Uni. Am I worrying for no reason??

OP posts:

LoniceraJaponica · 22/09/2018 08:27

I hope DD has as much fun when she goes to university.

Her boyfriend is at Glasgow and started earlier than everyone else. His course has properly started, but he is still behaving like it is still fresher's week.

Sturmundcalm · 22/09/2018 08:31

i could have written this except for my DD it's been a fortnight of drinking every day and getting by on 3 hours sleep...

course starts properly on tuesday so i'm just hoping that she settles down a bit - mainly in terms of how much alcohol she's consuming. i know it's a rite of passage and all that but it's really not good to be drinking every day (and it does appear to be every day with trips to aldi to buy more vodka for the flat).

Mascarponeandwine · 22/09/2018 08:35

It does naturally settle down when lectures start, nights out tend to be student night in town on a Wednesday or Thursday, and then the weekend.

Have never heard of anyone going to bed at 10pm during freshers week. That would be more worrying than the late nights and partying!

Groovee · 22/09/2018 08:36

Dd is heading into week 4 of uni and last night stayed in studying so she can come home on Wed-Fri next week.

ApolloandDaphne · 22/09/2018 08:42

My quiet, studious, hardly drinking DD went off to uni 2 years ago. She was 350 miles away and knew no-one so i was a bit worried about her. In halls she made masses of friends and enjoyed all that Freshers had to offer. She is still fairly quiet and studious but also likes to let her hair down and enjoy herself with her friends. She is heading into her final year hoping to achieve a first and will work her socks off but she will also fit in a bit of partying. It is all about balance.

OP I am sure your DD will settle into things once her course starts and she has deadlines to meet!

Quartz2208 · 22/09/2018 08:44

Its Freshers week - I still remember mine fondly. Now looking back its literally a week you drink in!

But you do need to get a balance between partying and working hard.

Fiveletters · 22/09/2018 08:54

Awww I loved freshers week. I drank way too much, stayed out too late and am sure my mum didn’t sleep with worry as I was the first of us to go to uni. But I made some amazing friends and I did calm down but we still went “out out” 3-4 nights a week through first year and everything turned out fine for us all.

Stopyourhavering64 · 22/09/2018 09:04

Op did you go to Uni?..try to remember what it's like to be away from home for first time, having freedom to do what you want and meeting new people and trying to fit in
your dD is an adult now , so try to let her go and enjoy herself....she will have worked hard to get to Uni and is now enjoying herself...be happy for her
Tbh I'd be worried if my dcs weren't going out during freshers.....she will settle down once lectures start
My own freshers week was the same...but I certainly didn't tell my parents and only difference there wasn't social media and you had to wait in line on a Sunday evening to use the call box in hall to phone home
Eldest dd was out every night during freshers, and was normally a home buddy before Uni, and she did confess she doesn't like clubbing but it was an ice breaker for many as they were letting their hair down once away from confines of home.
She graduated, got post grad from RG uni and is now a teacher

Shambu · 22/09/2018 09:06

She's 18, it's none of your business what she does.

It's extraordinary that you've not faced this earlier in her teenage years. It's completely normal.

applesisapple5 · 22/09/2018 09:09

You spend one week making loads of friends and the next 8 months trying to avoid them all

MrsMozart · 22/09/2018 09:14

She'll calm down when she realises how much it's cost her (financially), and as the uni work starts to kick in.

flumpybear · 22/09/2018 09:22

I remember it myself well!! It's party week it'll last, max 3 years

Shortandsweet20 · 22/09/2018 09:25

There is a lot of pressure that you go out every night during freshers, normally you've moved somewhere you are unfamiliar with, living with people you don't know yet, and sometimes the thought of going out (even when you're shy and quiet) is more appealing than staying in on your own!

It always calms down after a few weeks, and what you get in the first year doesn't matter as long as you pass 😇

Orchiddingme · 22/09/2018 09:29

Just one point. You only have to pass the first year in most unis to go on to the second year and the marks don't directly count for your degree classification. However, these days employers are increasingly asking for transcripts of all marks received in a degree, as the overall classification system is so general (and subject to some grade inflation). So if you have all 40's in the first year, it won't necessarily be a huge deal, but it's not true to say no one will see it.

OP- I partied a lot (although we called it 'going out' in those days, parties were distinct events). I got a first. These things aren't mutually exclusive so try not to worry about her too much, just continue to be there for her as you always have.

AccidentallyRunToWindsor · 22/09/2018 09:40

She sounds like she's having the time of her life!

The fact she's in contact with you is good, I'm not sure I spoke to my mum for the first month of uni

OhtheHillsareAlive · 22/09/2018 09:46

YABU. She's an adult, away from home, and trying to grow up.

Back off & let her.

If her tutors are like my colleagues & me, she will soon be required to knuckle down & work harder than she's ever worked before.

Back off.

OoohSmooch · 22/09/2018 09:47

I was your daughter (although did dabble with a few nights out before uni). It's a whole new free world when you first go to uni, she'll be fine. I went to uni with a boyfriend who is actually now a surgeon. I dumped him pretty quick as there were all these new boys to flirt with and I'd come from an all girls school 😂. We did get back together for our second year and then he dumped me....totally deserved I'm sure.

Anyway she may still continue with the nights out but as long as she studies too she'll be fine. It's a great way to make new friends but then I still love drink 🙈

Mumberjack · 22/09/2018 09:48

Awww I loved Freshers Week.
Still close friends with the folk I met there, way back 19 years ago.
Let her come out of her shell, don’t worry when it comes to the time to study she will.

herethereandeverywhere · 22/09/2018 09:48

Good for her! There are friends I made in Freshers week who are still my friends over 20 years later!

And a good % of what you really learn at Uni is outside of the actual course and studies. She's learning who she is, how to fit in, how to stand out, which people are 'her kind of people'. I loved being able to enjoy the freedom of having all the pleasures of an adult and all the responsibilities of a child - it's great for the soul! I'll be raising a glass to her later on

And to echo another poster - being in touch is good! In the days before mobile phones I couldn't be bothered wasting valuable drinking time standing in the queue for the phone so I didn't call home for 2 weeks

Bluntness100 · 22/09/2018 09:52

Gosh, you wouldn't want her going to bed at 10 every night during freshers. Sounds like she's joining in the fun and making new friends.

Good for her, she won't be out partying every night for the next three years, but hopefully she's making good friends and developing a social life and will enjoy her time at uni and find a balance.

Nothing to be worried about.

herethereandeverywhere · 22/09/2018 09:54

Re: Orchid's comment: I have done recruitment in City law firms, have friends and family in the big 4 accountancy firms, management consultancies and a few large FSTE companies I have never heard of them looking at all degree course module grades - Which employers do this?!!

The only time I heard of something similar was an English qualified lawyer applying to study in the US - and because of the different systems they wanted to 'drill down' into the underlying marks in her undergrad degree and LPC.

toastfiend · 22/09/2018 09:55

I was a quiet, shy girl at school, mostly because I didn't fit in there, didn't have any good friends there and was really unhappy. When I went to uni I made some amazing friends and we were out pretty much every night of the week for the first term (and lots thereafter) and I was the happiest I'd ever been. It was the making of me and I still graduated with a high 2:1 and have a professional job now. Nowadays, even before my pregnancy, I'm in bed by 10pm and I rarely drink as it no longer agrees with me. Let her have her fun, uni was the making of me, it turned me from a quiet little mouse to an outgoing, confident person with a fantastic social circle and I am forever thankful for that. Your daughter is an adult, you have to let go a bit.

diddl · 22/09/2018 09:56

I think it's OK as long as she wants to do it & isn't bowing to peer pressure.

Becca19962014 · 22/09/2018 10:06

I went to bed every night around 10 during freshers and the majority of my course. The whole partying thing did nothing for me at all - but then that sort thing never had interested me. Can't say it bothered or even bothers me to be honest. I know it worried everyone else that I wasn't behaving like a "normal" first year a few times people tried to release my supposed party animal - which clearly was a bear or something else in hibernation (all year every year) I do know people who felt forced into the whole partying thing and really regretted it due to the amount spent/lower degree result from not going to lectures because they let themselves be led into thinking they were optional.

I met and made friends via other means who had similar interests to me. But then getting to uni and "the experience" was never the goal for me and my degree required me to work really hard and attend every lecture or I'd get booted off it and it was exhausting, there was (and still is) no freshers "week" where I went, it was two days then registration and lectures - we had assignments every week. About two thirds left after our first year, mostly because they'd not read the handbook for our course where it stated you needed a 2:1 grade for core modules to progress and fell for the "first year doesn't count" crap that applies to some, but not all, courses. A look on higher ed here shows people still don't read the handbooks given/linked to for their courses.

I joined the classical music club (average age 60) and went to classical concerts and various plays alone and ended up making friends there, it was great as they were interested in what I was. Most weren't students.

So not going out is equally fine. Some people just aren't into the partying stuff. Some are. Some feel forced into it and settle later, a few it becomes a habit, everyone's different.

Becca19962014 · 22/09/2018 10:10

here it might depend on the modules studied. I had interviews where I was asked to provide a transcript of all modules studied so they could see what my individual grades were. Two I remember software engineering jobs in the city and in Leicester - depending on the job they wanted to know my grades for different courses e.g. Leicester was about programming graphics so they needed to know my grades for specific modules (graphic design/maths - maths was done in first year graphics across all three).

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