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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DD started Freshers week and changed into this party animal!!!!

79 replies

vivprod · 22/09/2018 00:12

My DD is experiencing Freshers week and has been out partying and drinking literally all week since last Saturday. I am rather worried as this is very much out of character for her. She usually is a homebody who studies hard and drinks very little. I am hoping that she gets it out of her system this week and then settles down, or will she get a taste for this and not want to stop partying? Really worried as its not her. I have spoken to her but she says she is fine. Worked really hard to get her place at Uni. Am I worrying for no reason??

OP posts:

tolerable · 22/09/2018 01:48

ds1 is now final yr. six weeks into course i had to facebook me and his wee bro were gonna go find him the next day...i got a text.i'm cool.dont come.we are going out.love you....it wears off...(worrying doesnt ever)

Monday55 · 22/09/2018 02:46

1st year of uni is the party year, probably why the exams and course work of 1st year doesn't count towards your full Uni grade (maybe things have changed now). My character changed too, I was going out at every opportunity. The £1 a drink student nights are to blame too!

UrsulaPandress · 22/09/2018 07:20

Dd told me her first year doesn't count towards her degree. Great. No excuse to stop the partying.

Amanduh · 22/09/2018 07:24

Freshers week is the best! You’re supposed to party! Sounds like she’s loving it. Good on her. Once courses start things will settle down... we still did at least 3 or 4 nights a week out though!
God I miss those days

TwoOddSocks · 22/09/2018 07:24

She's in a new place and needs to get out and meet new people, what she's doing is much better than staying at home and winding up lonely when everyone else have all met each other.

For what it's worth I went to a difficult uni to get into. In freshers week a lot of people who had clearly never been drunk before were out drinking - some of them for the first time. Everyone settled down once term began and found a balance between ingot and getting work done. It;ll be fine.

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 22/09/2018 07:25

Dd told me her first year doesn't count towards her degree. final degree grade, you still need to pass it to stay on the degree.

Figgygal · 22/09/2018 07:25

She's an adult now leave her to it!
It's a novelty this week But she's young and I'm sure can handle it I was out every night for 18 months from leaving school to uni year 2 not drinking every night obviously but out of the house with friends.

It made me as a person university before that I was crippled by shyness I loved those times

Feelshortchanged · 22/09/2018 07:25

My DD was the same six years ago. I'd like to say she will revert to homebody status next week but she won't. My DD continued to party like an animal all through uni and still managed to get a first in her degree, so don't worry too much!

BikeRunSki · 22/09/2018 07:32

I was a quiet, shy, bookish, hardworking 6th former, A level student.

I went to university, drank and partied my way through Fresher’s week and made some life long friends.

Then lectures started in earnest, and I became hardworking and bookish again, but not quite so shy, with new friends and self confidence. I still went out..... just not every night. Got my degree no problem, most people did.

BillywigSting · 22/09/2018 07:35

This could be my sil (I didn't get on with uni at all).

She's a year and a bit older than me, and while I was in college she was in uni in the same city.

She was very shy and a homebody before uni but I met up with her on the odd night out and if her mum could have seen her she would have had a fit.

She has a PhD in chemistry now from a Russel group uni and a good job to go with it.

So yes she partied hard but she absolutely knuckled down when she needed to, even when her very non academic mother was constantly complaining about how much time she spent 'sat on her bum with her nose in a book' (she stayed at home for the whole of uni as it was in her home city and their family doesn't have loads of money)

EdisonLightBulb · 22/09/2018 07:41

DD was overweight at school, it affected her confidence and meant her friends, although lovely, were quiet and also lacking in confidence and a bit boring.

When she went to uni she knew no one and was accepted for who she was and her party animal side, which I always knew was there came out, big style. As a result of her new found confidence she lost two stone, looked amazing and partied hard. She worked bloody hard too and is now a recently graduated and full time employed HCP with a 2:1 from a RG.

In fact, she lives in her uni city still and went out for freshers last night to the student union nightclub 😂😂😂

SpeckledyHen · 22/09/2018 08:02

My 2 sons told me it was all part of being new, nervous, shy etc and everyone did it and they didn’t want to stand out by not joining in . They say they hated it ! -but I didn’t believe them-

SpeckledyHen · 22/09/2018 08:03

Strike through not worked !

littlebillie · 22/09/2018 08:03

It all calms down don't worry

Twotailed · 22/09/2018 08:04

There’s a lot of pressure to do this during freshers and you also have a terrible fear that if you don’t join in you won’t ever make any friends. That isn’t true but it feels true!

She’s a student so she is very likely to go out and party more than she did before - that’s very normal. But she will also find her feet and settle down once she knows more people and has to start working.

RSTera · 22/09/2018 08:04

I get where you are coming from OP- I already don't think the thought of my only leaving for university!!

However, I really think you need to let go a bit. It would probably be much better for you if you had far less detail about what she is doing! Helicoptering in the background is not going to make her decide to go to the library and head for bed at 9.30pm. Leave her to it.

Maybe now is the time to find a new hobby or interest for yourself.

RSTera · 22/09/2018 08:05

Meant to say- the child I am worrying about leaving is 8yo

lisasimpsonssaxophone · 22/09/2018 08:07

I went out practically every night of my first year of uni, never mind just Freshers Week! I think I got so used to being hungover that it just became my new normal I was also a massive nerd who went to every single lecture and eventually graduated with a First. It’s totally normal and the fact that she’s telling you about it all is great!

wafflyversatile · 22/09/2018 08:11

It is partly who she is. Her life is changing and she will change a bit with it. Don't worry. It's bittersweet seeing them through these stages if growing independence though.

DuggeesWoggle · 22/09/2018 08:16

I was the same - for me it was about freedom, coming home when I wanted, just being young and enjoying myself. It was great!

In retrospect I was still the quiet girl from home. I didn't sleep around (no problem with that but as I was happy with just snogging lots of blokes), drugs had no appeal and we always stayed in our groups and helped each other out.

The madness of Freshers week doesn't last forever. God forbid I ever let my parents know what I was up to, so glad Facebook didn't exist in those days!!

I think my parents thought I was totally going off the rails at uni but I am now a very dull 37 year old mum of 1, living back in my home town who hasn't been 'out out' in about 4 years! My 18 year old self would be so disappointed in me!

wigglybeezer · 22/09/2018 08:16

Oh dear, I think it's good she's joining in though. My poor DS has had a rather tame Freshers week because he doesn't turn 18 until December and the SU is very strict about underage drinking, I think it's going to take him longer to make good pals as a result.

JustDanceAddict · 22/09/2018 08:19

That happens to most people at uni! I’m expecting it to happen to my DD in 2 years’ time - it’s friendship/parties on tap esp if you’re in Halls. It does all settle down a bit.

Tanith · 22/09/2018 08:20

I am worrying because DS is not a party animal and is adamant he’s not going to do all that social waste of time.

He starts next week. Should I take bets on how long his resolution will last?

Subtlecheese · 22/09/2018 08:23

Why on earth are students going into any detail about what they're doing? Mum, all ok, made some friends, bought my books -? chat soon. Is entirely enough. As parents you need to encourage some boundaries.

Lana1234 · 22/09/2018 08:26

It brings it out of everyone I think. It’s the freedom and new found confidence. I don’t think I stayed in all of first year let alone freshers week and I had an absolute ball. Still managed to pass the year and went on to graduate and have amazing memories (some a bit hazy) to go with it all. Your DD will be fine

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