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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off with DH

80 replies

overagain · 21/09/2018 22:15

Pregnancy may be clouding my judgement but I don't think so.

I'm pregnant and ill (bad cold and cough that DS has been off nursery with for almost a week). I can't take anything for it as I'm pregnant so feel pretty shit and struggling to sleep too.

We are currently renovating the house and needed to paint this evening. I told DH that I couldn't as the cold + fumes are making me dizzy. He said fine, let's have a night off so I had a bath and DH stayed out for a drink after work.

DH said he'd be home by 10. He's also not supposed to be drinking currently (his choice, to support me). I said on the phone, 10 is fine but no later as we need to talk about the bathroom quote before you rip it out tomorrow. He said fine, no later than 10. I told him I would not have the conversation at 11pm (I make terrible decisions late at night and I'm exhausted) and I'm taking DS out tomorrow so he can rip the bathroom out so can't do it tomorrow.

He's not home. He's just text to say he's missed the train (should have been on the one before it at the latest anyway) and the next one is 10.45.

It's a bloody important conversation we need to have. It involves bank accounts and spreadsheets. So either I need to cancel tomorrow's plans and try and entertain DS whilst we have it or we don't rip the bathroom out tomorrow m, which wastes money on a skip and friends we've roped in to help.

AIBU to be a bit pissed off he can't keep an eye on the clock and stick to an agreement?

OP posts:
RayRayBidet · 21/09/2018 22:33

YANBU op he has been thoughtless Flowers

ZigZagIntoTheBlue · 21/09/2018 22:36

He is being annoying but I wouldn't schedule a conversation that important for 10pm the night before it's being ripped out anyway.
Yanbu to be annoyed but yabu to wait until now to have this convo when you could've had it a week ago.

Original poster
overagain · 21/09/2018 22:42

@ZigZagIntoTheBlue we couldn't as only got the final quote today. Up until now it's been estimates and projections, hence the spreadsheets. We always new we'd be cutting it fine but all the decent bathroom fitters near us are full until February, which is when baby is due and I was thrilled when our favourite guy rang to say he had a last minute cancellation. Didn't fancy having a newborn and a bathroom that doesn't work!

OP posts:
Original poster
overagain · 21/09/2018 23:12

And now he's missed that fuckjng train to. So he either has to wait another hour or get an Uber which we can't really afford. Bastard.

OP posts:
MrsStrowman · 21/09/2018 23:15

Well as he's not there, you pick the bathroom option you want. He's missed his chance and clearly isn't that bothered if he's missed several trains in a row. Enjoy your new bathroom and tell him he can't complain about any of your choices as he had the opportunity to have an input

Original poster
overagain · 21/09/2018 23:34

Unfortunately MrsStrowman it's not that simple. The final quote has come back more than 3k over budget (and over the estimate) we need to decide whether to scale back our ideas massively (and choose between new fittings) or to postpone until we save up. We have to be order tomorrow or it won't be delivered on time.

Choosing to postpone is a big decision- the toilet doesn't flush 3 out of 4 times, the shower leaks in to hall (we have a bucket to catch it) and the bath doesn't drain as it's at the wrong angle.

OP posts:
aperolspritzplease · 21/09/2018 23:37

Is there a massive backstory that he does out on the lash all the time? You could have the cost discussions in the morning with no impact?

Original poster
overagain · 21/09/2018 23:39

@aperolspritzplease as said, doing it in the morning means cancelling my plans which is letting down a friend and DS. Plus DS will need entertaining whilst we have it and we'll need to postpone the friends who are coming to help with the rip out.

OP posts:
Original poster
overagain · 21/09/2018 23:40

He doesn't go out on the lash all the time but his time keeping is terrible.

OP posts:
pigeondujour · 22/09/2018 08:48

Yeah I'd be pissed off. I'd actually be a little bit pissed off anyway if my partner said they'd be home by 10 on a Friday night when I was at home sober looking after our child and they didn't make it. Not really angry, but I'd be a bit disappointed/cross.

BrightLightsAndSound · 22/09/2018 08:51

I think you're being a bit ott OP, sorry

woodwaj · 22/09/2018 08:53

I think yabu a bit. Especially if he doesn't do it all the time. Just rearrange with your friend and do something with d's later? It's not ideal but it won't hurt him to be bored for a bit!

Fireworks91 · 22/09/2018 08:56

Ott. Just have the conversation in the morning before you go out. Stick cbeebies on for 5 minutes if needs be

TruffleShuffles · 22/09/2018 08:59

So you’ve already had the skip and roped in friends when you might be postponing anyway?

TeaMeBasil · 22/09/2018 09:04

If you were planning to have the conversation at 10pm and wouldn't plan to be still talking at 11pm cos it'd be too late at night...then surely an hour this morning won't ruin your plans for all day?

I get that it would've been more sensible for him to come straight home when you had an important chat to have but I think cos you're a bit ticked he went out drinking you're now making a bit of a mountain out of a molehill.

Alwa · 22/09/2018 09:06

I hope you went to bed so you can discuss it this morning.

ISnappedAndFarted · 22/09/2018 09:08

YABU I'm guessing he didn't deliberately miss his train and to be sat waiting in this weather isn't exactly fun.
If he was home for 10 and you refused to talk after 11 then this convo would be max 1 he anyway, so I'm sure you could fit it in without moving plans too much.

Justabouthadituptohere · 22/09/2018 09:09

I get it OP. We have DC birthday party today. DH was out all last Sat socially - then on Monday socially 11pm. Tuesday with work late again - 10pm. Tuesday evening I wrapped all the presents for birthday on Thursday. Thursday was actua birthday I organised the b’day tea etc - he was so highly strung cos he was tired. Today it’s the big party and he was out last night got back at midnight and I was changing the bedding for 3 year old as they had wet their bed. Thankfully eldest stayed asleep. I’m shattered. Busy week at work etc. Just such busy times.

I give up.

00100001 · 22/09/2018 09:17

Why can’t you chat in the morning? Confused

Presumable it’s no more that 20 minutes and only has to happen before any ripptime no out? So just get up earlier if needed?

Also, you’d be cancelling at the last minute for the builder? Do they know this is potentially what’s going to happen?

Juells · 22/09/2018 09:26

YABU I'm guessing he didn't deliberately miss his train and to be sat waiting in this weather isn't exactly fun.

I'm guessing you've never met any drinkers. There's always a story that isn't their fault.

SendintheArdwolves · 22/09/2018 09:30

YABU I'm guessing he didn't deliberately miss his train and to be sat waiting in this weather isn't exactly fun

He might have decided to "miss" the train because he wanted to stay out with his friends in the pub. And he clearly isn't "waiting outside" because he missed the next one too - ie: had not left the pub and gone to the station, otherwise how could he have missed it?

However, even if it isn't deliberate and is just incompetence, I'd be pissed off too - he agreed to do something, let you down and now other people (you, your DS and your friends) will be impacted by his actions.

someonekillbabyshark · 22/09/2018 09:40

I'd be sooooo pissed of

scottishlovely · 22/09/2018 09:49

How did it go, OP? I'd be absolutely furious too Angry

19lottie82 · 22/09/2018 10:18

Personally, I’m Thinking give the guy a break. A really important conversation about spreadsheets? That can’t wait? Really?
I think I’d want to stay in the pub too.

Lethaldrizzle · 22/09/2018 10:20

Chat in the morning?