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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off with DH

80 replies

overagain · 21/09/2018 22:15

Pregnancy may be clouding my judgement but I don't think so.

I'm pregnant and ill (bad cold and cough that DS has been off nursery with for almost a week). I can't take anything for it as I'm pregnant so feel pretty shit and struggling to sleep too.

We are currently renovating the house and needed to paint this evening. I told DH that I couldn't as the cold + fumes are making me dizzy. He said fine, let's have a night off so I had a bath and DH stayed out for a drink after work.

DH said he'd be home by 10. He's also not supposed to be drinking currently (his choice, to support me). I said on the phone, 10 is fine but no later as we need to talk about the bathroom quote before you rip it out tomorrow. He said fine, no later than 10. I told him I would not have the conversation at 11pm (I make terrible decisions late at night and I'm exhausted) and I'm taking DS out tomorrow so he can rip the bathroom out so can't do it tomorrow.

He's not home. He's just text to say he's missed the train (should have been on the one before it at the latest anyway) and the next one is 10.45.

It's a bloody important conversation we need to have. It involves bank accounts and spreadsheets. So either I need to cancel tomorrow's plans and try and entertain DS whilst we have it or we don't rip the bathroom out tomorrow m, which wastes money on a skip and friends we've roped in to help.

AIBU to be a bit pissed off he can't keep an eye on the clock and stick to an agreement?

OP posts:
Fireworks91 · 22/09/2018 18:55

No, many aren't saying that at all. Hmm

MissMooMoo · 23/09/2018 08:29

@overagain I don't normally meet my friends at 6 or 7 in the morning but with a toddler I am usually up at that time anyways so would have the chat then!

I would like to think my friends are understanding and if I said to them "look I know the plan was to rip out the bathroom today but we are going to have to cancel because the quote is quite over budget so we are not 100% sure we can afford it at the moment. Why don't you still come round and we can have lunch" or something like that then they would not have a days wasted.

GinIsIn · 23/09/2018 08:31

I don’t get why you can’t just talk at breakfast? Confused

tillytop · 23/09/2018 08:34

That's right. Keep pandering to the men's cock ups.

Fruitcake13 · 23/09/2018 08:35

I'd be pissed! Missing the 1st train is understandable but the 2nd!? Hope u managed to have the bathroom conversation thus morning.

Noviceoftheweek · 23/09/2018 08:36

It sounds like a storm in a teacup frankly. Insisting he be home by 10 ‘and no later’ undoubtedly irked him from the outset - not not unreasonably in my opinion. A little flexibility and less rigid planning would go a long way.

BuntyII · 23/09/2018 08:37

Yes i would have been annoyed, but it sounds like something that wouldn't have been easily solved at 11pm anyway tbh. You both should have put more thought into it before the last minute.

BuntyII · 23/09/2018 08:39

@tillytop I take it women don't ever cock up then Hmm both sexes when they've had one or two and judgement is impaired, when faced with the option of tedious spreadsheets or a couple more drinks are just as likely to choose to have a couple more drinks.

Catalicious · 23/09/2018 08:40

Could you not have talked whilst you travelled? I can see that not sticking to the plan is frustrating, but sometimes life happens and flexibility is good.

tillytop · 23/09/2018 08:43

I agree. Would have been nice for OP if she'd been sitting in the pub and DH at home with childcare, wouldn't it?

tillytop · 23/09/2018 08:45

My post was to Buntyll

Gersemi · 23/09/2018 08:49

Anyone else completely bemused that putting in a bathroom involves spreadsheets and hours of discussion? Surely it's relatively easy: Our budget is £X, are we prepared to go over it or not? And really, rather than take it up to the wire you could have discussed contingencies like "What if fitting costs are over budget" before you hired a skip.

thecatsabsentcojones · 23/09/2018 08:51

I'd be deciding on the bathroom and if he has a problem with that point out he wasn't around to add his input. You can't miss the slot with the bathroom fitter, not if you've got to wait until Feb and the existing bathroom isn't working to that degree.

But yes, I'd be royally fucked off too. He should've come home without going for the drink given the bathroom situation.

glagdy · 23/09/2018 08:51

It sounds way ott.

We built an entire 3 bedroom house from the ground up without spreadsheets and such instead discussions, it's a bloody bathroom!

I would be annoyed at him missing trains though.

glagdy · 23/09/2018 08:52

Intense not instead.

ambostraw · 23/09/2018 08:55

He missed the train. It happens.

Maybe there is a huge back story that sets you on edge, but honestly, man misses train is no reason to be angry. It happens a lot. To women as well. In the day time, and and night.

NotANotMan · 23/09/2018 09:00

She's leaving at 8.30am Hmm
And she has a child and herself to get ready for a day out
And her husband is probably hungover
Are you suggesting she wakes up at 5am to get ready and have the conversations at 6am?

NotANotMan · 23/09/2018 09:02

Could you not have talked whilst you travelled?

Either she's driving in which case no, or she's on public transport with a small child in which case no. And important conversations with spreadsheets and calculations can't be done over the phone.

NotANotMan · 23/09/2018 09:03

He missed the train. It happens

He went out on the piss when he should have been at home sorting out important, time sensitive, expensive decisions with his wife. Then drank so much he missed two trains.

IWishIHadEvenMorePlasticTat · 23/09/2018 09:04

It is very annoying, but how soon did you know about the quote coming in over estimate? Leaving it until 10pm the night before people are due to come round and help you rip out a bathroom to decide whether to do it or not seems very last minute and stressful anyway.

NotANotMan · 23/09/2018 09:24

She said already upthread only on that day

MissMooMoo · 23/09/2018 10:19

The OP did not mention in her opening post that she was leaving at 8:30,just that she had plans @NotANotMan

Nanny0gg · 23/09/2018 10:27

And this is assuming he's sober and clear-headed enough to have the Conversation anyway...

I'd be livid.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 23/09/2018 10:37

I've never known such drama over a bathroom, speadsheets, friends coming round to help, skips ordered and you hadn't even got a quote. Seems upside down to me.

tillytop · 23/09/2018 11:11

Of course it's a drama. The selfish DH who couldn't come straight home from work to his pregnant, ill, looking after dc, waiting as arranged, to discuss bathroom. And yet this thread is full of women pandering to him and suggesting OP should change her plans!!