To be pissed off with DH

[overagain]

Pregnancy may be clouding my judgement but I don't think so.

I'm pregnant and ill (bad cold and cough that DS has been off nursery with for almost a week). I can't take anything for it as I'm pregnant so feel pretty shit and struggling to sleep too.

We are currently renovating the house and needed to paint this evening. I told DH that I couldn't as the cold + fumes are making me dizzy. He said fine, let's have a night off so I had a bath and DH stayed out for a drink after work.

DH said he'd be home by 10. He's also not supposed to be drinking currently (his choice, to support me). I said on the phone, 10 is fine but no later as we need to talk about the bathroom quote before you rip it out tomorrow. He said fine, no later than 10. I told him I would not have the conversation at 11pm (I make terrible decisions late at night and I'm exhausted) and I'm taking DS out tomorrow so he can rip the bathroom out so can't do it tomorrow.

He's not home. He's just text to say he's missed the train (should have been on the one before it at the latest anyway) and the next one is 10.45.

It's a bloody important conversation we need to have. It involves bank accounts and spreadsheets. So either I need to cancel tomorrow's plans and try and entertain DS whilst we have it or we don't rip the bathroom out tomorrow m, which wastes money on a skip and friends we've roped in to help.

AIBU to be a bit pissed off he can't keep an eye on the clock and stick to an agreement?

I think you guys are setting yourselves up for misery by trying to do renovations while pregnant and parenting v young child. Crazy.

Why don't you just discuss in the morning?

Hopefully he came back with his tail between his legs and made you a nice cup of tea&breakfast in bed and all is now well in the world!

I also think "it's a mountain out of a molehill". Why can't you have a conversation with your DS around, with "having to entertain him"?

Did you plan to be up all night? Even an hour long conversation, should be able to be fitted in, in the morning.

As said, if you are struggling to that extent, stop the renovations until you are both coping better.

I think I'd want to stay in the pub too. I'm sure OP would prefer to be in the pub (many of us would) but she couldn't, could she? Not only is she left to all the childcare whilst pregnant and ill, he couldn't even keep to the simplest of arrangements!! Selfish and disrespectful. YANBU, I'd be pissed off too OP and disappointed in the lack of support and consideration.

I think you could've just text him. Quote is 3k over we either scale back our plans or postpone and save more, I would prefer to do A, thoughts? h
He knows the state of the bathroom, and again if it was the scale back option you make the choices as frankly bathroom fittings probably aren't very important to him

MrsStrowman in other words, pandering to someone who can't even keep to the most simplest of plans? Can't manage to get his arse home to discuss as arranged, to help with childcare or take care of pregnant and ill wife?

There seems to be a lot of this pandering to men on MN. Quite pathetic, really.

tbf tillytop there's a lot of snippy bitchiness too.

In this case the man was an incompetent dick, but a serious conversation (with spreadsheets) isn't going to happen well at 11pm whatever happened so it was a poorly laid plan in the first place. Unfortunate confluence of timings, with the quote coming in when it did.

Having a phone call chat about it while he was waiting for a train would have been the quick mostly-fix, but people really don't call each other any more when they can be passive-aggressively texting instead.

Hopefully they've had the chat this morning. £3k is a long way to go astray in a bathroom build so I'm mildly interested to hear what happened.

MrsStrowman bathroom fittings might not be important to your DH bit mine is very much invested in the renovation and likes to choose. He'd have gone ballistic if I'd just chosen different ones, as would I if he'd done it. A bathroom we'll have to live with for the next 15-20 years is important to both of us.

Personally I'd have preferred if he'd stuck to the original plan of coming home after work to discuss.

It isn't a case of just choosing a different bath, if it's redesigning the entire thing to fit in with the budget, measuring, taping out. Could have been done in an evening though.

picklepost this will be the third renovation we've done, of be whilst pregnant, one with a small child and one now. We enjoy it.

And no, he didn't leave the pub on time, so didn't leave at all which is why he missed 2 trains. And yeah, I'd have liked to have gone to the pub too, but I don't have that luxury!

It may well have been a "poorly laid plan" but was agreed upon by both. He didn't keep to it. OP, next time, ask DH to come home straight from work. On his return you be ready to go out, telling him you're coming home at 10. Only way to teach inconsiderate DH's, in my experience.

@MissMooMoo if you were my friend, how would you feel if I cancelled our plans because my DH couldn't be arsed to watch the time and get home when he said would and we now needed to have the conversation this morning? I'd think it was inconsiderate to say the least.

Why couldn't you just have the conversation in the morning?

@Eliza9917 I think we very said it 4 times now, I had made plans to go out with friends this morning. Why should I disappoint my friends and mess them around because DH is crap at time keeping? Why should I clean up his mistakes?

This amount of micro managing is unnecessary.

But how early were those plans with friends? Why can’t the discussion be had before you go out? No one is saying you need to cancel.

Scheduling in conversations, spreadsheets, projections sounds tedious sorry.

To be fair, I do think that you ABU. Tell him that he missed the decision making and you decide if it is desperate! You don't need to scale back your plans, just pick cheaper? (Ive renovated a lot of bathrooms which came to less than the 3k you suggest that you are over budget) You have said that you can't delay anyway because of state of the existing bathroom, if the over b budget is labour then factor you and partner doing some of that?

Why is it one or another? Why do you have to cancel plans to have the conversation?

Why couldn't you speak to him before you left this morning? It all sounds ott to me, sorry.

Plans this AM started at 8.30 (traveling together somewhere quite far away for a day trip) DH knew this.

callmeadoctor this is our forever home, we've done much cheaper bathrooms previously. The bathroom is 3k over budget even with us doing some of it ourselves. We either need to agree we're postponing or doing a cheap fix or using budget from elsewhere (where though?).

And yes, spreadsheets etc are tedious but it's a huge renovation project and we need to keep a tight handle on finances or end up in massive debt.

Important joint decisions, spreadsheets are tedious? Oh okay, leave it all to the woman, let the menz off the hook then. Brilliant way to share married responsibilities, eh?

What's tedious is the way some women pander to men.

Tilly I think we're on the same page. All the yabu responses are basically saying DH shouldn't have to stick to plans and I should move my plans/ change my day around to accommodate his whim or alternatively absolve him if having to engage in the decision at all.

You're right overagain and some suggesting you even get up early, just because of DH!! That would really piss me off when pregnant. Sometimes it's like living in the past, being on MN! Good luck with pregnancy and new baby. (and the bathroom)