To be concerned about legal implications of different surnames

[maltesers99]

Hi!

Having recently had twins I have been considering the implications of being unmarried. I have read a lot on here (long time lurker, first time poster!) about this and find myself in this position. We have a great relationship and are very happy etc. DP wants them to have his surname which i understand but i am worried about not having the same name as my children and also concerned about any legal implications now and in the future. Does it affect any parental rights?

One solution for now is to double barrel our name although i am not sure he would be keen. AIBU to insist it is for now? We have vaguely discussed marriage but we were/are both quite young at heart and for a long time saw marriage as quite old fashioned/too grown up (that sounds silly now in a way). We have been together a long time 10+ years and feel secure (share deeds on house etc) but having children has triggered a feeling of wanting to protect them and me - and ensure we all a unit. How do i best approach this? Any advice? thanks!

I have a different sure to my son (kept my maiden name) Apart from carrying his birth certificate when travelling with him, I do nothing else to 'prove ' he is my son and I have never had any problems of any sort with 'legal rights' but then I am his mother and am in his birth certificate.
I suppose if I weren't it might be more problematic but then it wouldn't be the name that was the problem, more that I wasn't his birth mother so would need other proof of being his carer/patent

To in-laws ‘The child has the mother’s name. That is tradition’

Silence.

Move on with your life happily (having made provisions in will etc etc).

I wouldn’t double barrel kids’ names unless married.

Surname has. Thing to do with parental right.

You have PR as the mother and your partner does if he is named on the birth certificate.

The only time a surname makes a difference is travelling abroad sometimes.

We weren't married when we had DD and I took her away, never had a letter from DH and was never asked for one.

Different surnames was never an issue.

I am married but didn't change my name. The DC have DH's surname as he cared more about it than I did.

However, in almost 10 years of parenting, the fact that I have a different surname to the DC has never caused any problem at school, childcare, doctor's or at any hospital appointment. Nor has it had any impact on travelling abroad. In fact nobody has ever even commented on it from a practical perspective.

The only comment I've had about the different surnames was shortly after DC1 was born. A rather judgemental colleague at the time told me that she felt sorry for my DC as they would grow up very unhappy to have a different surname to their mum. To date, the DC don't seem especially unhappy about this. To them it is just normal.

To date, the DC don't seem especially unhappy about this. To them it is just normal.

DD has my name as a middle name and DH’s surname. She loves that both families are linked to her in her name. She happily flits between which she is referred to and isn’t even 8 yet.

There's no way I'd give my child the father's name if we weren't married. And have a proper discussion about marriage, not the sort of half suggestions you've had so far. I'm not saying get married necessarily, but if you're not going to then it should be clear to both of you. Uncertainty is bad.

My DCs have DH' name, I was fully in agreement for DS as my name is fine for a woman (hence I've kept it) but a pain for a schoolboy. I regret not standing my ground about DD having my name instead.
I don't look like them (they are adopted) and they don't have my name. Yet the only confused members of the public are those who know nobody's name but see me and DD in public with someone who ALSO looks nothing like her but shares her skin colour.
Do what you like with names but stop waiting for a proposal. You aren't a princess in a tower. If you want romance, book a restaurant and give him a red rose and a ring (maybe it would be hard to get down on one knee if you're pregnant with twins).

And book the registry office now, don't faff around waiting till the babies are old enough to take up a party.

TittyGoLightly me too! I made DH stand by the man at the airport with the 'Mr & Mrs HereThere' sign and have his photo taken